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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Alfie Evans

999 replies

IcySlippy · 01/02/2018 11:50

www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/news/liverpool-news/alfie-evans-parents-plead-sons-14231597

Anyone following this?

OP posts:
MNHQ
HebeMumsnet · 23/04/2018 10:25

Morning, everyone.

We just wanted to pop by with a reminder that although we understand that people want to discuss this story, we are a website that's here to make parents' lives easier. We think it's not in the spirit of what we're hoping to do here to be mean about the parents of a child who is dying, even if their actions may seem misguided at the moment. There but for the grace of God, etc...

As we said, we're happy for the case to be discussed but please remember that when this is all over, Alfie's family may read this so please post with that in mind - we'd be grateful if you could avoid speculating about the HCPs involved in this, too.

Thanks for your cooperation.

SaucyJane · 23/04/2018 10:26

I wonder how many of the "army" (I hate that name as it legitimises the grief vampires who are fanning the flames of false hope) were previously chanting for Charlie.

And I wonder how many of them have ever done anything that would actually help a sick or suffering child who could be helped? Literally thousands of children with other conditions; children who need foster homes; children living in poverty... where is this "army" when it comes to them? The wild suggestions and accusations against the hospital are insane.

It's just the worst thing imaginable for his parents - anyone's heart would break for them. But this is not helping them Sad

outoftheway · 23/04/2018 10:28

I have just sent Alder Hey a note of support on Facebook. I know - for professional reasons - what the staff at GOSH went through last year and I am sure AH staff are the same now.

trekkingintheandes · 23/04/2018 10:33

Theredjellybean thank you so much, my DC is under permanent care at GOSH, they are marvellous as I imagine Alder Hey are. I just cannot get my head around the abusive brigade I really can't. You all do a sterling job and are much appreciated by so many.

Samco as many posters have pointed out, sadly there are people with similar experiences on this thread to the case in question, I think they are responding in a completely different way to those on the FB pages in question, it is more than just 'interesting' it is very relevant so please don't tar everyone with the same brush.

spicerack · 23/04/2018 10:35

what happened last night?

spicerack · 23/04/2018 10:38

oh never mind I just saw on the dignity page. hope the staff have security with them

MorningCuppa · 23/04/2018 10:39

Well the latest picture of Tom having to sleep on the floor next to his son, what a fucking disgrace, I'm sorry but come on, no matter what him, the army or any other human being has to say or think, he is a young, 21 year old father, who is going through the most unimaginable pain and heart break, fighting for what HE believes for his son, and they can't even give him somewhere to put his head down, I don't care what anyone says, I think it's a disgrace, he may only have hours left, the man has had hardly any sleep in god knows how long, I don't agree with that, I just can't.

MorningCuppa · 23/04/2018 10:41

And that dignity page is not dignity its a disgrace too, some of the comments on there are disgusting, calling him a desperate man, course he's desperate it's his son.

RunMummyRun68 · 23/04/2018 10:42

morning why do you think the sofa was removed in the first place?

Remember.....there are other children seriously ill and dying just yards away

MorningCuppa · 23/04/2018 10:45

Run it's a bit different now, there is not long left, I understand taking it when they did last week but it's been there for the last few months, so what's the problem in the last few hours.

MynameisJune · 23/04/2018 10:47

MorningCuppa I was disappointed to see that they wouldn’t provide a sofa again especially if it was his last night.

Panda81 · 23/04/2018 10:47

If the time and date was set out in court, I assume the hospital have to go ahead regardless unless they hear something from the courts?

MorningCuppa · 23/04/2018 10:47

Yes I remember run, I understand there are other children but why can't he have a seat to lie on next to his son in his last hours? There in a room not in the middle of he corridor, it won't make any difference to any other families.

africanprincessinscotland · 23/04/2018 10:47

What would normally be provided for the parents to ensure that they are able to stay by their child's side? Have things been changed in this case because of the behaviour of the family? (Genuine question not meant to provoke. This case is heartbreaking all round)

Zoflorabore · 23/04/2018 10:48

I admit when I saw that picture of TE it made me feel sick :(

Meanwhile, the barmy army are getting more and more batshit crazy ideas across.

FB shouldn't allow either page to be honest. It's beyond wrong how this baby's life is being used as some sort of bonding exercise.

Saw that someone posted that they couldn't go to work today as too upset, doesn't know Alfie and lives 5 hours away or would be there to support,
Oh and also won't be getting paid for sick day.
Grief thief personified Sad

MidniteScribbler · 23/04/2018 10:48

Have you seen the amount of equipment needed in intensive care? Barely room for a chair, let alone two extra beds.

trekkingintheandes · 23/04/2018 10:49

The sofa thing does trouble me I must admit. When staying at GOSH I could always sleep with my child who is a lot older than Alfie and not facing end of life thank god. It does seem harsh that they couldn't sleep in the same room as him, I am sure that there is a good reason though.

RunMummyRun68 · 23/04/2018 10:49

Clearly his behaviour on that ward has meant the sofa is removed permanently

The HCP's can't speak out and say what's been going on but it speaks volumes that his behaviour is unacceptable

Lymmmummy · 23/04/2018 10:51

As for the sofa being removed I have no idea why

But I do wonder whether TE is creating “photo opportunities” to portray things that are in line with his version of the truth eg he is being persecuted

There are other children who are v sick and dying in the ward they also need to have visitors not just his family

Really is time his Facebook page was shut down

MorningCuppa · 23/04/2018 10:51

I can understand if it was weeks/months and loads more treatment but we are talking about a family who is trying to spend there time next to there son, the man is 21 years old, he's exhausted because he's fighting for his son, weather that be right or not, he had a sofa to sit on for the last however many months so what's the problem in the last hours.
To see a devastated, grieving and heart broken father lying on the floor is a disgrace.
What should he do? Go home and get into bed? Utterly disgusted.

Ravenclawrealist · 23/04/2018 10:53

Normally there are no provisions to stay by a child's bed in PICU however in the case of withdrawal or ending treatment it has always been different and something a comfy arm chair/sofa the best the unit has is provided. I'm sure their are valid concerns about moving the sofa back and maybe it's simply in use but I think it's shame a compromise couldn't be found. I know things must be incredibly tense between staff and family but this is the end of a child's life I don't think this decision will make things better for either side and most importantly Alfie

MorningCuppa · 23/04/2018 10:54

Oh give it a break, his behaviour on the ward has meant he can't have somewhere to sleep next to his son in his last hours, but don't worry he's had it for the last god knows how many months, but can't in his last hours/days.

If there is so much equipment and no space why has he had for the last few months?

MidniteScribbler · 23/04/2018 10:55

Clearly his behaviour on that ward has meant the sofa is removed permanently

Do you really think that the people caring for this child are so petty as to remove something just out of spite? There will absolutely be a very valid reason.

RunMummyRun68 · 23/04/2018 10:56

They will probably return it for today.... the court document stated the option of sitting down with Alfie

GrumbleBumble · 23/04/2018 10:56

morning it has been explained on previous threads that it is policy, not just at AH but in all similar units that there is no provision for sleeping over night. Parents are requested to elsewhere to sleep, usually an on site family house (usually funded by McDonalds) If there is an emergency a sleeping parent would be in the way of staff/ equipment. Having previously had a sofa was one of the many way AH have bent over backwards to try to accommodate Alfie's family. I imagine at this point there is also a very real concern that large furniture in the room could be used to prevent staff gaining access in order to withdraw life support.