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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Supply teacher physically hurt my child

132 replies

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 31/01/2018 12:31

Putting it hear for traffic
I have a 9 year old dd who yesterday had a supply teacher in school & the teacher gripped my dd in the bottom back region & pinched her to stop her going into the computer room without even telling her first even she come home showed me & told me what had happened she was left with marks on her back so I took photos & had her write her account of the event went to the school this morning & seen head & was she said it had to be dealt with by Edcaution as teacher was from agency & took photos & statement from me Itold me supply teacher isn't there today & sent my dd into class i felt very unsatisfied by our discussion just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience & what advice you can give or if anyone knows more about this as to me its a very serious matter to her it seemed like a everyday thing very concerned by it all? Tia

OP posts:
MsHarry · 31/01/2018 14:39

Supply teachers don't know the names of all the children. she had asked a certain child to go into the computer room, OP's child went without being told. There were probably many other children doing or not doing what they should. It's possible the teacher reached out and caught her skin by mistake. Of course it's not appropriate and if it was me I would have apologised if I had realised and told the parent.

MsHarry · 31/01/2018 14:40

Bruises? Or slightly pink skin?

Greensleeves · 31/01/2018 14:43

I've taught dozens of classes where I didn't know the kids from Adam. I've also been assaulted and had to use restraint. I may even have had to stop a child from going into a classroom they didn't have permission to be in. And all without leaving a bruise on a single child.

The minimising is awful. If someone had posted and said their boss had grabbed them, hurt them and left a mark, nobody would be arguing that it was a police matter, or saying "leave it to HR". Physical restrain that uses any force (not a guiding hand on the shoulder, that's irrelevant) is for safety and protection only. Not because a power-hungry supply teacher wanted to force obedience.

Greensleeves · 31/01/2018 14:44

Slightly pink skin would have faded by the time the child got home, surely?

MsHarry · 31/01/2018 14:48

I am wondering why the OP hasn't reported to the police then, if it is so obvious? Is there an element of doubt?

OP you have to do what you think is right, none of us know your child, the school , the teacher or the true circumstances. Phone the police and they will advise you.Forget trial by MN.

Lizzie48 · 31/01/2018 14:56

I'd say call the Police as well. If it was accidental then it will come out in the investigation. But if it had been accidental I would have expected to receive an explanation and an apology for what happened.

Original poster
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 31/01/2018 15:00

I haven't reported to police as the whole bloody thing scares me to be honest not so much for me but for my dd & im so clueless about this I wasn't after judgement just wanted to know if the right moves were being taken

OP posts:
Originalfoogirl · 31/01/2018 15:02

if an adult colleague had grabbed you like that, you'd inform the police
Only if you were a complete idiot. You would tell them never to do it again and report it to a line manager.

This is not a police matter. Education will investigate it and deal with it and only then, if you feel the safety of other children are at risk - i.e education basically do nothing - then consider taking it to the police.

Bekabeech · 31/01/2018 15:03

You need to get stuff in writing, and copied to the Governors and the LA. If the school treats your DD any differently after this then they need to be reported too. However as it is a supply teacher they are unlikely to close ranks. You might want to use the phrase "Safeguarding" in your email/letter. As it is a safeguarding issue, possibly this teacher needs to stop doing supply or at least get retraining.

MsHarry · 31/01/2018 15:03

Was your DD bruised op? Are the marks still there?

MsHarry · 31/01/2018 15:04

Could your DD have got those marks any other way? Any falls at playtime?

MsHarry · 31/01/2018 15:05

I haven't reported to police as the whole bloody thing scares me

This is telling.

Original poster
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 31/01/2018 15:08

When she come home yesterday she had two marks on her back & in the middle of either bruising i could see there where nail marks where they had dug in this morning the soreness was more or less gone but the nail marks where still there faintly

OP posts:
MsHarry · 31/01/2018 15:11

How can those injuries come from grabbing someone through clothing? This doesn't sound right to me.

Greensleeves · 31/01/2018 15:11

Whaty do you mean, it's "telling"? You're starting to sound quite unpleasant now. Are you saying OP thinks her daughter might be lying? Confused

Lots of people find dealing with confrontation intimidating, especially when it comes to schools. Attitudes like yours are often the reason why.

Nail marks on her back - inexcusable.

Originalfoogirl · 31/01/2018 15:13

The minimising is awful. If someone had posted and said their boss had grabbed them, hurt them and left a mark, nobody would be arguing that it was a police matter, or saying "leave it to HR".

It is not minimising it. It is understanding that not every single thing which goes wrong in the world must automatically be referred to the police. If it turns out that there isn't enough evidence for them to do something, nothing will happen. The education department don't need that level of proof in order to be able to deal with things like this and surely the whole point is, this supply teacher must be told they can't do what they did or they will lose their job and be reported to the Education board and lose their teaching credentials. isn't that what the OP wants? Or would only a spell behind bars be good enough for someone who left a couple of marks on her child?

Whataboutery is usually ridiculous but never more so than when raised to compare children and adult scenarios. But to re-iterate, if my boss grabbed me and left a mark the first step I would take would be to go to HR. I wouldn't waste the police's time with something as low level as that.

MsHarry · 31/01/2018 15:13

Green If my child had been bruised and had nails embedded into her skin then I'm guessing she would have cried out, said something. I would have marched her straight back into school .Something does;t add up.

Original poster
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 31/01/2018 15:14

Corse she may of but I know my daughter & I had a lengthy chat about it with her last night & I dont doubt her or think she is mistaken about where marks come from she said it hurt her when she gripped her, what is telling about me not wanting my daughter to have to go through this process but knowing she does?

OP posts:
MsHarry · 31/01/2018 15:16

If you believe your child has been assaulted you need to deal with it. The force that would be needed to cause that level of injury would be quite significant. I cam't believe you are hesitating or have sent her back to school in the circumstances.

Greensleeves · 31/01/2018 15:17

I doubt "a spell behind bars" would be the result of any investigation, but a police caution on her DBS would be appropriate for sure.

If you wouldn't report a physical assault on yourself to the police, that's your choice to make. I would certainly do so if anyone assaulted my child seriously enough to leave a mark, and I disagree with you that it would be wasting police time to report it. It is illegal for parents to physically assault their own children and leave a mark. For a trained professional to do so is abysmal. The "closed shop" approach because it's a school is unhealthy.

Greensleeves · 31/01/2018 15:18

Yes, I would have done the same MrsHarry, if the child had told me before we left the school premises. Straight to the Head's office. one of the features of that conversation would have been my intention to go to the police.

Original poster
Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 31/01/2018 15:21

Shes 9 & started walking home by herself this year she meets my mother half way home

OP posts:
MsHarry · 31/01/2018 15:21

Some things are just instinctive OP. A slightly pink mark and an explanation of what happened when trying to stop a child doing something ,followed by an apology from the teacher if that was the case, is one thing. Bruises and nail marks the day after suggest a much more serious event.

onwardsonwards · 31/01/2018 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greensleeves · 31/01/2018 15:28

I am a bloody supply teacher! Nobody is "baying for blood". Just baying for decent standards of child protection without minimising and victim-blaming Hmm