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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to let my children practice the piano

224 replies

Beanmummy · 30/01/2018 14:51

We live in a 1930's semi detached house. We have a piano and the DC have piano lessons and are grade 4 and 2. They practice for about 40 minutes tops a day and may be a bit more at the weekends.

The piano used to be out in the back room of the house, well away from our neighbour, but due to being next to 3 outside walls the piano was going out of tune and falling to bits and we were told it should be in a room with a more constant temperature.

So we have moved the piano into the front room.

I have just seen the neighbour and explained to him that we had moved the piano. He is not a happy bunny at the best of times, and started to compliant that he could hear the piano from his bedroom, when we had it in our back room (his bedroom was the furthest point away that it could be). Now he says it's like having the piano in the same room! Which I do understand, but we are never playing at unreasonable times. My DC's don't wake early - so at weekends it does tend to be mid-day or afternoon and after school.

AIBU to him, or does this seem reasonable, it's not as if they are just bashing the piano!

OP posts:
taskmaster · 30/01/2018 19:18

I can't believe how many people think it's perfectly acceptable to be anti-social with noise

I can't believe how many people think any noise at all is antisocial!
Pianos used to be a lot more common in terraced houses than they are now.

FrancisCrawford · 30/01/2018 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBirdBlues · 30/01/2018 19:26

OP we have had a very similar issue. It became pretty nasty and our neighbour involved the police who installed recording devices on the neighbours house. Despite us playing more than 40 minutes a day on average, and our piano directly backing onto the neighbour's wall, they found that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the level of noise we were making. You are legally in te right here OP, but of course I would still suggest trying to find a solution with your neighbour so you can both enjoy your way of life.

Our flat at the time had terrible insulation so the noise really did travel. We tried asking our neighbour what hours they wanted us to be quiet (they liked taking naps etc), but they just felt we should stop playing the piano altogether. We even hired a mediator to try and find a solution, but neighbours wouldn't move an inch. We can't just stop people from practicing or playing their instruments just because they have neighbours! During reasonable hours of course.

BustopherJones · 30/01/2018 19:27

I wouldn't think it would be a good idea to buy anything new, especially not anything as expensive as a new instrument. The sort of person who gives you a hard time over a poorly baby crying is likely to just start complaining about something else like the Hoover or feet on the stairs, or the washing machine.

taskmaster · 30/01/2018 19:59

Clavinovas are great but why should OP spend well over a grand just because her neighbour would like silence?

Seniorcitizen1 · 30/01/2018 20:25

Your children should carry on playing. If neighbour doesnt want to ocassionally hear neighbours he should have bought a detached house. Our next door neighbours are both professional claaical musicians and we hear them practicsing most days but we just suck it up. We do get on very well with them so dont mind

ferrier · 30/01/2018 20:33

Get a Clavinova - same touch as a piano

This is incorrect. I have a Clavinova and it's nothing like the touch of a piano.
You could get a Yamaha Silent Series piano which is an acoustic piano with electric pick ups, but when I bought mine 20 years ago they were £5000 so I guess they'll be more now.

RoseWhiteTips · 30/01/2018 20:40

practise

Butchmanda · 30/01/2018 20:46

I live in fear that my neighbours will one day stop putting up with our noise. we have a massive great brute of a piano on our party wall. the fucker is so massive it wouldn't fit anywhere else. I've been trying for years to get rid of it and buy a smaller one with a practice pedal (I really don't like electronic ones, even the expensive good ones - just a matter of preference). the kids no longer have lessons so I can't really justify a new one (although I'd like it for me) and it's from DH's childhood so he may be attached to it.

However, we also have trumpet, trombone, violin, viola, cello, acoustic guitar, electric guitar and bass guitar. I confiscated the bastard recorders as even I couldn't stand those.

the kids don't practise that much (lazy buggers) but I know that even 10 minutes per instrument 5 times a week is probably a lot. I wonder if it's better if they each do all their practice at the same time in different parts of the house to at least get it over with. I don't play my cello very often although it is on my to do list this week as I really do love it.

My son got his electric bass for Xmas and I made him go into the hall to play it all holiday, as at least that's as far away as you can get from the party wall. I did the same with the trombone but then you can probably hear it right up the street.

It's a bummer. I would love an extension or a soundproofed practice pod in the garden but just don't have the cash. Thinking about possibly a conservatory but the soundproofing is probably crap and then we'd be annoying all the neighbours out the back of our house.
If anyone has any experience of soundproofing conservatories, do let me know!

I know lots of musicians and it's a common problem.

I guess my neighbour gets her revenge with what I assume is a massive telly which is mounted on the party wall right the other side from my desk (I WFM). she has a young son and you hear hours and hours of 'wheels on the bus' on a loop. But, of course, that's life.

In the meantime, I just keep buying those lottery tickets.

ShastaTrinity · 30/01/2018 20:55

I can't believe how many people think any noise at all is antisocial!

radios, tv, parties ... if your neighbours can hear them, they are just too loud, it's very simple. There's no reason in the world why a neighbour should have to put up with loud music or loud tv.

Butchmanda · 30/01/2018 21:04

I know a family whose child was chosen for free lessons at school, because she showed promise. She was loaned an instrument too. What was particularly lovely about this was that she didn't excel at all academically, and I know had been having quite a miserable time at school. This was her chance to do really well and shine at something. She was doing really well and playing in the school orchestra. Family didn't seem to really value it at all, and were terribly prissy about her practising at home. As a result she gave up when she went to secondary school. Such a shame and I often think about her and what she might have achieved (not stardom, but just a great deal of enjoyment, fun and satisfaction). As someone mentions above, if people living in anything less than a detached and/or sound-proofed home can't learn an instrument, then it becomes ever more a middle-class pursuit. I'm not sure what we'll do if our kids ever decide to take music seriously: when I was growing up I practised 3 hours a day in the years leading up to university. It was never at antisocial hours (the neighbours, in truth, were out at work) and nobody said anything negative. In fact, they were very encouraging and the family across the road asked me to teach their kids.

meltingsugar · 30/01/2018 21:09

As someone who plays piano reasonably well, I think neighbour is BU! 100% agree with whoever told you about constant temperature, mine is always on an internal wall not an external. There is NO WAY I would have a Clavinova. Yuck yuck yuck. Almost as bad as a bloody Yamaha. Electronic pianos are nothing like true acoustics and I am baffled at the idea that people should get headphones to play. Just no. It's a different world to me. Electronics have their place, but hell would freeze over before I'd have one as my main instrument.

ferrier · 30/01/2018 21:09

There's no reason in the world why a neighbour should have to put up with loud music or loud tv.
Unless the neighbour with the loud music is hard of hearing perhaps ....
Or because some music just isn't the same at low volumes.
Most people accept some noise during the daytime so long as it's not prolonged.

Ivymaud · 30/01/2018 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lashalicious · 30/01/2018 21:41

Brava meltingsugar

sothatdidntwork · 30/01/2018 21:46

I didn't realise (just looked on the internet) that you can retrofit an acoustic piano with a silent system so that you play and listen on headphones. I don't know how expensive, or effective, this is, but very interesting to know that you can do it!

BackforGood · 30/01/2018 21:52

Perfectly reasonable to practise the piano at a reasonable time each day.

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 30/01/2018 21:58

Do not give in to him. He will get it into his fusspot head that he can dictate other things to you.

tomatosalt · 30/01/2018 21:58

Just another poster here to tell you how awful your neighbour and electric pianos are Angry
We lived in a number of different houses with my piano and never, ever had a complaint. Pianos just don’t make the sort of offensive noises I think some people here are imagining. Your neighbour would clearly just prefer not to have any neighbours.

museumum · 30/01/2018 22:00

My attached next door neighbour has a piano on the far wall of his living room (our living rooms join). Ivan only hear it if I have no tv or radio on in the house at all. And even then it’s not at a disturbing volume.
He has carpet I know which must help.

oblada · 30/01/2018 22:01

This is reminding me why I was so keen to buy a detached house even if it meant to have a smaller house etc overall lol :)
I wouldn't mind my neighbours practising the piano far from it but I'd hate the thought of disturbing anyone as I'm trying to get back to playing myself...

bastardkitty · 30/01/2018 22:07

Tell him he seems to be confused about living in a terraced house rather than a detached house. Definitely tell him that you are considering a drum kit, especially if he keeps on moaning.

Clawdy · 30/01/2018 22:15

Interesting how few posters on here have actually lived next door to a piano player, yet feel the need to pontificate about how neighbours should put up with it, or buy a detached house - yeah, we could all afford that, couldn't we? I just hope the piano lovers end up living next door to pianists - interesting to see how that would work out.

Wolfiefan · 30/01/2018 22:20

If you feel the need to buy a noisy instrument why shouldn't you buy the detached house?!
Seriously OP the noise! Couldn't have a sensible conversation or relax of hear the TV. It was miserable.

SnowGoArea · 31/01/2018 00:32

Clawdy I haven't lived next to a piano player but I have lived next to some people who played very loud music. One was all weekend drug fueled raves using nightclub calibre speakers that they would hire especially - massively unreasonable and nearly broke me. The other was a few hours at a time, in the day only. Quite loud, mildly annoying but perfectly acceptable. Piano playing of this level falls in that category.

We can't all sit silence because we live next to people, not can we expect it from our neighbours.