To leave 2 year old at home?

[Ember12]

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

You kind of are though!

But you can choose to be okay with that.

So is it ever OK to go off and do things with older children? I suspect most of us with big age gaps have done this. For example, we left 3 year old ds with granny and took 8 year old dd and her cousin for some quite serious hill walking and wild camping. Is that OK or should dd have missed out? He had a lovely time- he made granny go to the same railway museum 5 times.

Do what suits you and family - ignore DSIL - do make sure DM has lots of support as it sounds like she would be busy. I would miss my boy but people forget you can call and facetime

Ember whether I or others agree I would do what you feel is right for you and your family. You may not agree with some family decisions your SIL makes. There’s always going to be p

She was very rude but there's no way I'd leave one child behind on a family Holliday, seems pretty awful to me.

People who don’t agree*

What will you do when your mother runs herself into an early grave?
This genuinely made me laugh out loud. The mother offered!

Yes, it's fine to take advantage of people's good nature.
When does the grandmother get to 'relax' btw? Relax with her DH, I might add; he's been totally airbrushed out of this.

and people do*

apologies I hit post too soon

I would definitely do this. As an eldest child and first grandchild in my family, I had lots of doting 1:1 time with my grandma as a small child. She used to take me away for little weekends and allsorts. My sister and cousins never got this to the same extent because we always had to include everybody in everything.

By the time your youngest is old enough to do the activities at the theme park, your eldest might not want to be spending as much holiday time with you. They are different ages, with different needs and different interests. So why wouldn't you differentiate for ONE holiday?

Of course you should go. All of your children, and your DM will have a lovely holiday.

Also - the fact that your MIL suggested this, and then that you & DH ever even considered it, suggests that this DC is seen as an inconvenience. It won't be long before he/she begins to feel like an inconvenience & develops issues, surely?

There is an almost 11 year gap between two of my DCs - imagine how much easier it would have been to leave the youngest behind!

Maybe Granny hasn't got a DH.

Queenie bed she would have support my oh parents who are retired would also jump at the opportunity to have her as would my partners sister.. we are extremely lucky with family who would love nothing more than spending time with our children

we are extremely lucky with family who would love nothing more than spending time with our children

Except for you. of course.

Except for you. of course.

What are you going to tell your 2yo about where you all are for the week?

If you are comfortable leaving your DC at home, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!

I personally wouldn't be able to enjoy a week long holiday without my youngest but would probably be happy with a long weekend.

I wouldn't worry about "what he will think when he is older" types, I don't think many would be bothered tbh, me and my sister (close age gap) were taken to disney land at 5 & 6, DB was left at home (18 months) as parents thought we'd get more out of it and DB wouldn't remember/understand the holiday. DB isn't fussed he was left behind and having DC of his own he understands the reasoning!

Ember, there are some very nasty people here when have no concept of close family relationships. Do what YOU think best for YOUR family - all three generations of it. Whatever you do some people will be snarky about to it.

My father is very much like my mother and lives for his children and grandchildren. I in noway force my children upon them. They are both 50 and full of life as want nothing more than to spend there spare time with us all

Bertrand depends what it is the little one is missing out on really, and their personality as to whether they'd feel left out.

Staying with granny for an afternoon while you take the older ones to a grown up play - fair enough. Staying with granny for a week while you take the older ones to a very child centred holiday with water parks etc - seems like the younger one would be missing out on something much more exciting and for a longer period, and unlike the play it is doable with a tot, just harder work.

Some two year olds probably wouldn't notice or wouldn't mind. Mine certainly would. The OP knows her own child best.

@senua that's a horrible thing to say. Maybe you don't have lots of family round you who are all keen to have a close relationship with your children. If you did, you would understand how grandparents feel about 1:1 time with their GCn. I count myself very lucky, and i expect @Ember12 does too that she has a close family who enjoy helping.

Senua are you my sil by any chance?

Op did leave it wide open for senua's comment!

YANBU.
Firstly, ignore the girlfriend. She is being ridiculous.

I've only read half the thread, but I can't believe all the people on here telling you that you're being selfish for thinking about leaving your 2 year old behind! Your 2 year old will have a lovely time with Grandparents - probably more that being dragged around theme parks etc with the elder siblings. In a few years time you will be going on holiday with your youngest and leaving the others behind because they'll be studying for exams or off to university/leaving home. With such a huge age gap, of course you will sometimes be doing different activities with your children.

I'm married to someone who has a much younger sibling. When they were younger they did a variety of family holidays and then trips with their parents with one or some of the siblings. None of them are damaged by it!! Go and enjoy your holiday

Op did leave it wide open for senua's comment!

Couldn't resist, I'm afraid.

I would no more leave my infant DC behind than leave my left arm behind, but I suppose that we are all made differently.