To leave 2 year old at home?

[Ember12]

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

Everyone who's so concerned about Granny is coming up with the wonderful suggestion of taking her too. This granny would rather eat her own liver with a blunt teaspoon than go on that kind of jaunt. It wouldn't be a holiday at all for me, far more restful to enjoy the two year old's company at home.

And the chances of dd3 having a better time with grandma instead of on holiday with her parents and siblings having fun is truly misguided to say the least! You at lying to yourself if you really believe that

Oh and Rebecca op asked our opinion and if she wanted everybody to just agree with her for the sake of it than why create a AIBU thread? If OP has already made her mind up that she’s doing the right thing and won’t take any opinions on board than what’s the point in this thread?

I would argue that op does in fact have serious doubts about this otherwise why post at all

If the child was being left with strangers, of course that would be different. But OP says the grandparents spend a lot of time with the DC.

I suppose everyone's experiences are different.
In some cultures children are brought up by grandparents while parents work thousands of miles away.

As a child I spent weeks at a time with relatives in another country while my parents worked. I knew them well and don't remember being unhappy or worried.

My original comment of a cocktail or two to ease my guilt was a joke.. im not saying i wont have a drink or two i will which i would do regardless even if all my children were there. I will be in noway sat on a sunbed for a week sipping cocktails it would be very much about my older two.

Dh and I both do things with 7yo ds - separately and together, with and without 14mo dd. Sometimes for several hours, sometimes for a day. But never longer than that. Invariably, after a few hours without his sister he's had enough of adult company and can't wait to see her again. I still remember sending dd to her cm for a day while I took ds swimming over half term. He spent the whole time asking what his sister was doing and when we could go and collect her. Older children are not always desperate to spend alone time without their pesky little siblings. Many times they too have a well developed sense of 'family' and don't feel quite right without one member. The whole focus is on the youngest sibling - but what do the older ones actually think? Has anyone asked them?

OP if you’re so convinced you’re doing he right thing than what’s the point in this thread? You really don’t need people to back you up if you’re happy in your decision which is sounds like you are.

it

Both me and oh had agreed to take my mothers offer up until sil started with her comments that made me think twice.. so thats why i asked for opinions both good and bad.. although dont appreciate the comments on how my 2 yr old is a unwanted/inconvenient child but i had half expected these comments

I'm in awe at some of these comments!

OP, your SIL should stay out of this as it has nothing to do with her. As for the holiday, do whatever suits your family.

I'm all for parents having a break once in a while but not when they would be taking two other children and leaving one behind. That doesn't sit right with me.

Your call OP though.

I wonder how people feel about the poor older children growing up not able to do some of their age appropriate activities because of the younger sibling, it goes both ways.

In all due respect I think those comments will occur as people are taking from their personal experiences or situations they have witnessed; so you’re going to get a diverse range of viewpoints (good and bad.) It sounds like you’re quite confident in your decision but maybe annoyed by your SIL and for a backing up in how wrong she is. Forgive me if I’m wrong.

talking

on

Sorry I couldn't ever leave 1 child behind on a family holiday no matter how young they are. I think that would be awful looking at family holiday photos in the future with 1 child missing. Sorry

Yes exactly world Sometimes the pendulum swings too far in favour of the youngest. It's about balancing everyone's needs.

The older children can still do certain activities with a younger sibling in tow! How do you think millions of families cope when they go on holiday? If two adults are there this makes it much more simple. One goes on the rides etc whilst one looks after the younger dc.

Oh well, as long as the pictures look right. I despair.

Ember 12. I can see it was a joke. Exactly something I would say when I think about it.

My 2 year old would be distressed being away from us that long. I would also worry incase they were poorly and it took a while to get back home. But these are my anxieties not yours!

It seems a lot of childcare for someone who works such long hours a week. But don't not go other your brother and girlfriend, unless they have more constructive reasons such as it will be too demanding for your mum etc.

What will you do when your mother runs herself into an early grave?

This genuinely made me laugh out loud. The mother offered!

OP, go and have a lovely holiday with your two eldest. Your youngest will be spoilt rotten, and you will all have had a lovely time.

(I speak as the youngest in a big family. I have many, many complaints about my childhood, but being farmed out to a doting relative for a short holiday was never one of them. Being farmed out to a doting relative is one of the things I look back on most fondly.)

Passthe maybe your right..
I honestly do believe it will benefit my older children massively and would be amazing to concentrate on them solely for a week doing things they enjoy but i do and maybe always will have guilt about leaving youngest with my parents even though i know shes in the best hands and will be have an amazing time.
I think sil comments on me been an awful and selfish parent hit me hard and was maybe looking for somone to tell me i wasnt? im not big on confrontation so havent really responded to her comments

Haven't RTHT but I think you are BU.

The only way I'd leave one of my DCs out of a family holiday would be if:-

DC was on holiday elsewhere e.g. school trip/holiday with friends, or if it was an older child who was responsible and aware enough to want to opt out of the holiday (i.e. older teenager who was capable of staying at home & looking after themselves).

Of ocurse holidays are easier without younger toddlers/babies/fewer children generally, but it's bizarre to opt to leave one at home to make life easier.