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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
WonderLime · 01/02/2018 12:32

I don't think it's horrible to leave children as I have ancedotal evidence if it being fine.

And I think GPs can be a major part of a child's life, and someone a child is happy to stay with.

I think it entirely depends on the child - the OP will know better than anyone else here whether she is clingy, independent, etc and how she will cope.

And finally, just because you think something is or isn't okay, it doesn't then give you a right to question them having an already living child. That is horrible and nasty - how would you feel is someone said to you that perhaps you shouldn't have bothered having another child?

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 12:32

You can be as nasty to me as you like wonder, you and I are just pixels on a screen. I stand by my view that it's a horrible thing to do, because you know, the OP asked for opinions and I'm as entitled to mine as you are to yours.

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 12:33

If anything, the eldest should be left behind as he or she had 2 years of completely undivided attention that neither of the other two have had?

Maybe that can be the plan for next years' holiday. If not, I'm sure it will happen when the older two are teens and would prefer to stay at home.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 01/02/2018 12:33

Wonder

Seriously, look up the word compromise in the dictionary.

All three would benefit from the family holiday and GP could concentrate on her other three four GC.

Win win.

There is a way to include all three children and decent time with all of them.

A lot of us do it and have done it. Takes a bit of effort but worth it.

But why bother when you can do the easy and convenient option.

It us a bit rich to say other posters are bringing nothing new to the argument.

A lot of posters thinking it is the wrong thing to do have made valid points, questions, other perspectives and put forward food for thought. Which the OP and many others have promptly ignored because there is nowhere to go.

Pot
Kettle
Black

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 12:34

If I was planning to leave them out of a family holiday wonder then I would maybe question myself whether I should have had them.

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 12:34

I wouldn't wax, as even though I deeply disagree with you, you are in fact a person behind the words with children and a life of your own. As is the OP.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 12:36

If not, I'm sure it will happen when the older two are teens and would prefer to stay at home.

How can you be sure? maybe by that point they will think there is no point taking away just one DC/they are fed up with family holidays so will go on holiday by themselves and leave DC3 with someone else?

We have no idea what will happen in the future.

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 12:37

Actually I've raised lots of points over the past few pages Thierry that have been ignored.

And I have tried to address anything new (which is why I'm discussing with Rocket) however I'm also seeing a lot of recycled arguments from several pages ago and it's tiring responding to them again and again.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 01/02/2018 12:37

Wonder

You think that GPs can be a major part of a child's life and they can be happy to stay with them?

Really????. My god what an insightful comment. I learn something new every day!

No shit sherlock.

😂😂

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 12:39

I don't understand your point, Thierry? I'm answering Rocket's question about why I don't think it's horrible - and apparently you agree with me, so what's the issue with the DC staying with the GO then?

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 12:40

I think that if the OP really thought this was okay she wouldn't have posted. She clearly has doubts and I wasn't deliberately trying to be horrible or wish her child away. When a small child is being left out of something that isn't unsuitable for them just so it's easier, I'm sorry but I think that is a horrible thing to do.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 12:41

wonder

Well we definitely agree on that.

Op has clearly made up her mind, and she could have a protest in parliament set up for her dd and prob still wouldn't change her mind, because it suits her very well to leave dd behind.

The concept of family holidays is different to everyone, but it should never be one that divides a family. The whole idea should be to keep them closer together.

It is just as well little dd has some strong family ties she is probably going to need them as she grows up given what is happening to her at such a young age.

Some people yearn for decades for children, strive to have that precious little parcel of joy and are always grateful. It saddens me that other people can just simply outsource their dc like this for what is supposed to be happy family memories.

My absolute favourite age was indeed two years old.
They are just wonderful at that age, I am mostly sad for op that she doesn't see it that way at all. She has her whole life to drink cocktails and relax by the pool, it seems that is more important to her than being with her dd.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 12:42

wonder If you are tired of it you can leave the thread you know. Even the OP doesn't have to reply.

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 12:43

I'm going to agree to disagree now as my DS has woken from him nap and honestly I don't think there's much more to be said from either side now.

I hope you have a lovely holiday, OP!

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 12:44

Cross post - but yes, I'm calling it now.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 12:45

wonder

Would you happen to know where op has gone?

Cuppaoftea · 01/02/2018 12:46

Maybe it is not a one off, maybe it is, but it certainly sets the precedent for a divided family.

This.

Which is a shame, there's actually only 7 and 8 years respectively between the Ops DD and her two brothers. That seems a big gap at this stage but will be nothing when they're all grown up. Seems regrettable not to foster a close relationship between the siblings and encourage them to spend quality time together on holiday (probably limited with the boys in full time school, after school activities, spending time with friends), instead marking the youngest as the 'baby' not able to be involved with swimming and going to the beach with her brothers!

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 12:51

I have a couple of friends with a 7 year age gap, it can be tough finding a holiday to suit them all sometimes and they've found it harder rather than easier as time goes on. One now finds that as one is a teenager and the other still a young child, that holidays in the UK are particularly difficult because if the weather is poor and you are looking for indoor activities, it's hard to find something suitable for them both, even the cinema is awkward.

Therefore, if you are doing a sunshine/beach/pool type holiday, it's the one that is easiest to do with a mixed age group. I'm really not seeing how it's going to be much easier next year when you have a 10 year old an 8 year old and a 3 year old or 11, 9 and 4. The youngest is maybe always going to be viewed as an inconvenience.

However that is the family dynamic that exists and you are setting a precedent for older DC to expect that the annoying little sister can just be left out while they want to do things for big kids.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 12:51

Everyone always talks about high performance parenting being so annoying, no one ever mentions low performance parenting.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 12:55

wax

Spot on. If they thought she was annoying before now they have proof that their parents also think so. If she can be sidelined for one thing, why not everything? Heck, we couldn't even get shot of one of the others if we really put our mind to it, and have everything our way.
It really sets the dc against each other, this is my biggest problem.

It fosters a brand new (toxic) dynamic. And it works both ways. So maybe the eldest becomes an insufferable teen so why not leave him behind? After all the holiday will be SO much fun without him clogging up the pine scented air.

I have no doubt granny will do her best. Of course she will. It is the legacy of this 'family' holiday that troubles me.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 12:56

we could even

MeYouYouMe · 01/02/2018 13:00

There are some really nasty comments on this thread. I understand that this thread had divided opinion but some of the comments are downright cruel. It's ok to agree or disagree with the OP but I think there is something very sad about posters who deliberately want to cause other people upset.

No one knows who they are talking to on the internet, for all anyone knows the insults may be far more cutting than you anticipate. What if there is a single Mum on here who has to leave their child with their granny for a week due to work or hospital visit or something. I don't think that's a far fetched idea. What do you think they will be thinking reading about how they will be fucking up their childs life forever more.
Honestly, some of you are just unpleasant. (Both sides!)

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/02/2018 13:01

Yes, I have no doubt that the little one will be perfectly fine with granny and she really won't know what she is missing. I'm not sure I could sit on holiday and watch all the other 2 year olds having a blast and know that I left mine at home.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 01/02/2018 13:04

Meyou

If it is unavoidable for a single parent to leave a 2 year old with loving GP for a week due to hospital or work it is exactly that- unavoidable.

OP situation s NOT the same. She is choosing to leave DD behind when she could take her. That's her choice. But she asked for opinions.

Hell of a diference from the scenario you have given.

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 13:04

Meyou

I cant see a single post that is cruel.
I can see honesty, I can see wisdom, I can see support, I can see agreement, disagreement. I can't see cruelty sorry.

I think you have posted on the wrong thread