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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 01/02/2018 10:15

Realistically she will be howling when they go, and will cry intermittently for most of the week no matter how desperately hard granny tries to comfort and distract her.

Do you know the little girl and her family personally then op? You must be basing this on a deep seated knowledge of the individuals concerned to be so absolutely sure.

LittleLionMansMummy · 01/02/2018 10:15

Not op, I mean user

k2p2k2tog · 01/02/2018 10:15

We all KNOW two years old find it very hard to be separated from their parents,

Do we? I have three kids, two would have been absolutely fine with their grandparents for a week, the other maybe not so much. I trust my parents and inlaws completely, would have no worries about leaving a child with them for a week or more. You have no idea she will be "howling" and that night time will be hard, or will cry during the week. What a load of absolute nonsense.

I left my eldest when he was 18 months with my inlaws to go to a wedding in Germany for 4 days. He didn't cry once and had developed a taste for Kinder chocolate by the time we got back. Hmm

Some mothers - and it's always mothers and never fathers - seem to validate their own existence through looking after their kids. They couldn't cope without me, I couldn't cope without them, they'd cry, they need me, I couldn't relax. It's their way of proving what a FABULOUS mother they are, probably because they have deep seated insecurities in other aspects of their lives.

user1474652148 · 01/02/2018 10:16

Lion

So even you don’t agree with op!

Wow

It is every mothers choice what they decide for their children. We attempt to do the right thing for each of our children, we balance what the consequences will be.

Why inflict uneccessary suffering, especially to your own child of two years old?

It is deluded to think this child will not suffer

k2p2k2tog · 01/02/2018 10:19

inflict uneccessary suffering

Back in your box, "user". You're talking out of your arse now.

MissDuke · 01/02/2018 10:19

Fair play to you op for keeping on coming back to this thread despite getting such a hard time.

So have you told sil yet that you are definitely going without the toddler? Grin

LittleLionMansMummy · 01/02/2018 10:20

Ah, selective reading user if you missed my further post, as well as the fact that I directly quoted yours.

I noticed you've dodged my points very well though.

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 10:20

That depends entirely on the type of holiday you like? You couldn't take a 2 year old trekking, snorkelling, kayaking, climbing, rafting. Both parents can't go on rides with the children. A 2 year would get hot and bothered in the sun for too long. Even looking at cultural things would get difficult with a little one in tow - which means the older two would always have to cut their activities short to suit the littlest.

If you honestly can't see how the older two might be missing out on parent time since the youngest has come along then there's no point engaging with you really.

The OP has made her decision. She will have a lovely time. The toddler will have a really lovely time going out and doing things with granny. And when the OP is home she and the little one will have lots of cuddles and be very happy.

Stop trying to cause hurt and pain to the OP just because you wouldn't do it. It's really horrid and nasty - I hope to God that your children don't pick up on your attitude towards others.

user1474652148 · 01/02/2018 10:22

No, that is my view. I have worked with children for a long time and are the same at this age. Some are better than others, but it is the most difficult age for separation anxiety. This is not news!
The op has asked for honesty and opinion, and this is most certainly not in the child’s best interest.

user1474652148 · 01/02/2018 10:25

Wonder

They are not white water rafting they are sitting by a pool!

You do not know any better than I do how this baby will react being left for so long, but I think the odds are stacked in my favour not yours given her age

Bluelady · 01/02/2018 10:26

Fucking hell, this thread's brought all the drama queens out of the woodwork.

MeYouYouMe · 01/02/2018 10:27

Realistically she will be howling when they go, and will cry intermittently for most of the week no matter how desperately hard granny tries to comfort and distract her.

This is complete nonsense. Some mothers (and it's usually mothers?) are such martyrs.

You do realise that lots of kids go to daycare etc

SlackerMum1 · 01/02/2018 10:28

Gosh OP I feel bad for saying this as you’ve had a complete bashing - but thanks! I have really enjoyed this thread. It’s been a long couple of work days up to my eyeballs in the sort of stuff that, you know, actually does cause tremendous trauma and suffering for people and have been hugely entertained reading the from start to finish.... it’s had it all! Hysterical won’t someone think of the children... the plenty of passive aggressive smugness..., pseudo psychology galor... I’m just waiting now for some to say this is worse than hitler so I can call Batshit BINGO!

Others do raise a good point though. Apparently if you go you do risk your DD turning into a highly sensitive yet smug, self-absorbed keyboard warrior when she grows up - but if that’s a risk you’re prepare to take......

user1474652148 · 01/02/2018 10:29

My children would never be left for a week on their own whist everyone else went on a ‘family’ holiday.

I would never do this, my dc are treated completely equally and as a result have grown into well rounded lovely people. I don’t need to hope to god Halo

user1474652148 · 01/02/2018 10:30

Better to be highly sensitive one thinks than damaging and deluded.

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 10:32

You do not know any better than I do how this baby will react being left for so long, but I think the odds are stacked in my favour not yours given her age

How?!? I'm telling you I know full grown adults who were left behind as children (my DP - youngest sibling), and I was left before my siblings had been born and we are happy, well adjusted and have no memory of it. DP's parents tell of the lovely time he had and asked to stay with granny at other times afterwards.

Was you the child who was left? Do you have first hand experience? You've also said you don't know a single person who would do this, so how are the odds stacked in your favour? You've never encountered this happening!?!

Hmm
user1474652148 · 01/02/2018 10:34

Wonder

Please stop

WonderLime · 01/02/2018 10:35

Priceless 😂

BertrandRussell · 01/02/2018 10:36

“The 2 year can join with almost everything they can do”

A 2 year old can do anything a 10 year old can do?

What utter, utter bollocks.

user1474652148 · 01/02/2018 10:40

Whether you agree with the little girl being left behind or not, I think we would all agree most children (unless their families are truly awful) would prefer to be with Mummy and Daddy and their siblings in the pool enjoying a lovely family holiday.

To deny a child this is very sad, not just for her but for her siblings too whom will no doubt really miss her.

Holidays should be bonding, time with no distractions to play and have time together.

Children are babies and toddlers for such a short time, the very fact that we are not even acknowledging this is very depressing.

LittleLionMansMummy · 01/02/2018 10:44

Just to throw in another anecdote... dsis went abroad to get married when her dd was 2. My niece didn't cry, had a great time with her grandparents and can't even remember it now.

She is more damaged by dsis staying with the narcissistic abusive bully who chose the furthest marriage destination he could and encouraged dsis to go ahead with it in secret, but that's another thread.

But you see, there are many variables for mental health prognosis and just as many different personalities. If everything else is good in the op's dd's life she'll likely grow up absolutely fine, normal, and as well rounded as yours user Hmm

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 10:47

There is no way I would leave one child behind.

just trying to read through the thread, given up on pg 7, but anything that needs 700 plus replies to one question tells Ember probably should think it through again. Clearly not cut and dried.

MaggieS41 · 01/02/2018 10:53

‘I treat my children equally’ blah blah blah. Do you all keep scoreboards making sure each had the same days of holidays at the same age, same parties, same quota of chocolate, sleepovers etc? I’d like to think you all love your children equally but circumstances sometimes mean that we can’t always give them exactly what the other had.

Yes OP has a choice but she’s not going to love her child any less ffs. I don’t agree with the so called experts that all 2 year olds suffer separation anxiety - and if they do it might be mild and unnoticeable! I’ve co slept and bf my DC’s for longer than average and they are both completely different. One doesn’t have a care in the world and the other is quite clingy. So the OP knows her daughter better than any of us and I’m sure if she was clingy and overly sensitive she wouldn’t do it. She’ll probably grow up with confidence, independence and an emotional maturity than many MNers are missing here....

Like I said I personally wouldn’t do it for a few reasons (logistically and emotionally) but there’s no reason for people to be such judgmental, self righteous pricks. I envy you OP for your confidence and that you have full trust.

Maireadplastic · 01/02/2018 10:55

You could bring your mum with you, OP.....

rocketgirl22 · 01/02/2018 10:58

Maggie, we may not have scorecards but you can bet your last pound that the dc definitely do!!

For sure I would never ever hear the end of it if I left one of my dc behind for a family holiday. Not a hells chance I would want to listen to that for 18 years that alone is reason not to do it! :)