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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
ExtraSpecial1 · 31/01/2018 20:51

Ive got three older girls and one younger one. Third to youngest is an eight year age gap and I wish I'd have done what you are planning. We went to Cyprus when youngest was two and I, dh or our eldest who was 16 had to sit on the beach looking after her at all times which meant we couldn't snorkel or dive together and she also couldn't cope with the heat.

Now, she wants to do Disney but the older three would not be seen dead..third eldest is now 16 so the appeal has gone! And our youngest probably won't get to go.

However, if we'd taken the three older ones on a holiday appropriate for their ages before then we could now say we would be happy to take them all to Disney or give the older three money. Obviously we could say that anyway but I'd feel guilty.

Go for it and if you dare, tell your brothers girlfriend to fuckoff!

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 20:54

Older children have only had little sister for two years!

They've missed out on did all' lots of complete holidays but now the little sister is here they can't be expected to put up with "the fucking nightmare toddler" (to quote previous PP)

That is not what Family is about!

God this is so depressing and how OP can possibly go on holiday and leave the youngest and not feel awful is actually beyond me!

Ireallylovetea2 · 31/01/2018 20:58

Also, with the age difference, there will come a point when you'll leave the older 2 behind (because they don't want to go or because they've left home already) and go just with the youngest, so it will all even out in the end.

Ignore the haters! The fact that you've thought about it shows you care. Flowers

Weebo · 31/01/2018 21:03

I would love to see you try to compare anything I have said that comes close to telling OP she shouldn't have had her child over this silly situation, Thierry.

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 21:05

Also, with the age difference, there will come a point when you'll leave the older 2 behind (because they don't want to go or because they've left home already) and go just with the youngest, so it will all even out in the end.

You are 100 percent right! Totally completely right!

Which means that the youngest is even more removed from the FAMILY!!

They didn't want you with them when you were two, they don't want you with them when you're older! Mum dad cold 1 and 2 had lovely family holidays without you!

We are not a family! We are four and a bloody tag on!

impossible · 31/01/2018 21:06

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If op, her mother, dcs and dhs are happy it's really no-one elses business. Ignore sil and those who wouldn't be comfortable doing it. It's not their choice. It's a great opportunity to spend time with older dcs and it sounds like youngest and gps will have a fine time. Youngest will be plenty spoiled in future as older dcs grow up.

Weebo · 31/01/2018 21:09

Is she a cute tag on, OP? :o

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 21:10

Ultimately this is not about the amount of holidays children get with their parents..... it's about the quality of holidays!

It's not about we took you to Disneyland at 15 alone! It's about we all went camping when you were 3 and we were all together and we all as a family loved being just that ....a family!

Not we're going to salou and everything without you tagging along will be better!

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 31/01/2018 21:19

Ember12 I'm glad you've booked the holiday and haven't allowed the ridiculous accusations, guilt tripping and projecting put you off. Your DD will be fine, she's obviously very familiar and comfortable with your mum who doesn't sound like some kind of wicked witch from what you describe! DD will probably have a ball and the likelihood is you'll miss her more than she'll miss you Smile.

FYI I have young DNs in the UK (am in Ireland) and since they were about 18 months old each of them has stayed with my parents for a week in the summer/Christmas holidays every year, leaving their parents and siblings to do whatever they want. These DC have a lovely, close relationship with their gps and would actually choose to go there rather than away with the rest of their family. They get really excited about it, counting down the weeks to their next holiday with GPs. Oh and they still love their parents and have a lovely, secure relationship with them, no one is unwanted or an inconvenience Hmm.

Ferret27 · 31/01/2018 21:19

Bloody hell how many pathetic adults are there in this country ... the child is 2 ... she’s going to be with her extended family ... if your children will be traumatised for life because they missed a holiday then that’s because they have clingy over anxious parents ... go and have a nice holiday with your other children ... it’s your mum ...she brought you up didn’t she ! So you don’t need to think about your little ones every need every second of the day while you are away your mum will be doing that...

smallchanceofrain · 31/01/2018 21:19

Ooh well done OP. I've loved this thread. What a lot of debate and judgy pants! Your 2 year old won't remember the holiday. The older ones will love it. As long as you're confident that grandma will be spoiling your little treasure rotten and not dealing with a fretful child who misses you - go for it!
The all or none approach doesn't work for me. I don't get why people want to take very young children to things they won't remember or enjoy. Sometimes it just makes for hard work and misery. I took DS1 to every tourist attraction and "good for the development" type place I could find. By the time DS2 came along I'd worked out that I didn't need to spend loads of money hauling his pushchair around a Sealife Centre or museum. He was happy playing in a muddy puddle with a stick. Not having the same experiences as DS1 has not damaged him at all. The only thing it robbed me of was pictures of me doing worthy parent things and bragging rights at toddler group. Smile

impossible · 31/01/2018 21:22

Incidentally, your dcs are v fortunate to have gps they see often (I wish mine did). It will be lovely for your parents to have dc to themselves - your mother's offer should be respected as genuine.

JPTB · 31/01/2018 21:24

Er, she ASKED for judgey pants!
Some of us agree with SIL, some not.

Howlongtilldinner · 31/01/2018 21:27

jobjobjob you appear to get angrier with every post..you really need to get out moreHmm

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 21:33

Howlong I get out lots.... with all my children!

That's what family is all about! Just saying ...

As I say OP asked am I selfish and awful.... the answer is Yes she is!

Original poster
Ember12 · 31/01/2018 21:39

The cutest weebo Grin

OP posts:
Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 21:41

Actually when I say all I mean both, because I chose to ensure that my children never even ever felt like an inconvenience to myself and Dh!

That would not happen in our family

beardymcbeardy · 31/01/2018 21:43

@Thierry with all due respect wtf are you on about?

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 21:48

Ah OP good to see you saying she's a cute tag on and all smiley!

You'll maybe miss her lots on holiday... but maybe not!

Poor little left alone 2 year old who wasn't taken because when you booked she wasn't a strong walker.... holiday 7 months later but that wasn't factored in?

Enjoy your older children, your relaxation snd cocktails.

It'll be the best family holiday ever!!

Exiguous · 31/01/2018 21:51

I used to stay with my grandparents every half term, so that my mum and stepdad could both work.

I loved it. I had such a lovely time with them both. I was the centre of their world when I was there. Everything was organised around me and my sister. Granny would bake before I arrived. We'd go to the beach and go ice skating and go swimming and go for a pub dinner and one evening granny would go to bridge and leave pies and bridies in the oven for us and grandad.

I miss them so much now they're gone.

I hope my children have such a good relationship with their grandparents.

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 21:53

used to stay with my grandparents every half term, so that my mum and stepdad could both work.

Just a bit different to we can afford to take you all on holiday but choose not to?

WonderLime · 31/01/2018 21:53

Seriously, shut up Jobjobjob. You've already given your opinion; now you're just lunging for the throat. It paints a picture of a very unpleasant individual.

I will be honest, I think a child is better of raised by someone who leaves them to go on holiday but is otherwise a lovely person rather someone who is trying their damn hardest to be spiteful and nasty when it is completely unwarranted.

Original poster
Ember12 · 31/01/2018 21:55

Wow jobjob really clinging on to this arent you.. maybe you should have a cocktail or two to calm the hell down.

Yes i will miss her
yes i will enjoy my cocktails
Yes i will enjoy my holiday with my oldest
Yes i am thinking about ALL my children
Yes i do feel slightly guilty
And yes my daughter will be left with her gp having a amazing time with family and in the best hands.

OP posts:
Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 31/01/2018 21:59

Does this not sum up the OP's 'dlemma'? -

Damn DD is cute. She would look great in the photos. But FFS she is also fucking annoying. I mean she is 2, well nearly 3. Always needing something, never shuts up, wants to play, won't do as she is told.

She won't be bothered about coming with us. She will see the beach and the pool and the family time in a few years but only when she has stopped being so demanding.

I mean if we took her i wouldn't get to sip my cocktails in peace. And we would need to look after her if she came along. FFS. And push the fucking buggy around. And watch her in the water as she can't swim.

What about MEEE????

FUCK THAT.

She can stay with my knackered Mum, and with a bit of luck, she might get a wee bit of attention in between Mum looking after all the other kids. I mean it might not even rain if she is lucky.

Hmmm she might miss me.... well I will have another cocktail if i start to feel guilty. Mum can deal with that i won't know about it. I need ME time, sorry i mean the older ones need exclusive parent one on one time. Yes that's it. DD doesn't need that. She's only 2, well nearly 3...

Original poster
Ember12 · 31/01/2018 22:01

My daughter will see the beach ,pool and family time in may when we all go on holiday just as she did twice last year

OP posts:
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