To leave 2 year old at home?

[Ember12]

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

The thing is, I don't have an issue at all with leaving DCs to go on a childfree holiday. I would happily do that with my DH for a weekend, or go away on my own for work. (I went away for 5 days when DD1 was just under 3, before we had DD2.)

The thing I wouldn't do is leave one child behind, when that child is old enough to understand that they're being left behind. Kids have so much concern for fairness. My DDs are constantly comparing themselves to each other. I think a little girl of nearly 3 is going to be aware of what she's missing out on.

You'll need to find a way to really sell this to her. Make a week with Granny seem really exciting.

I couldn't leave one behind. I have older children too and we went away when ds was 2 1/2 and the others (early and almost teen). You just work around the differences. No way would I leave youngest behind just because they might be a bit inconvenient at times.

Archerannie
Stick to the day job. You got the amateur psychology spectacularly wrong with me and now you are off again.

Stop looking for deep reasons for people thinking this is not a nice way to treat your 2 year old child. Lots of people just think it is wrong.

Ask for an opinion, expect to get it.

It is all about Mum here.

Just laughing at how some are trying to justify how it will be better for DD to have loads of cousins around whilst GP looks after her than be with her siblings and parents in the sun away from home. Did some of you miss that?

Weebo - hope you are not as nasty and dismissive of others in real life who just don't happen to agree with you. If you can't articulate yourself to reinforce your point perhaps best to step away from the keyboard. Your insults just don't add anything and you're embarassing yourself.

Sweetmoon
Agree.
It is too easy not to work around things. Sadly it is easier to leave DD behind.

If you feel it is the right thing for your family, then go for it. Personally My HB and i went away for away for a weekend to London when my first two were little , but missed them like crazy, every where we went and everything we did we kept thinking how much the children would love it.
Since then we have never been away without them.

I couldn't leave one behind. I'd either take them all or none of them!

How did that even come up in conversation? If it wasn’t a big deal why mention it?

Because I was talking with my inlaws about places they had visited in France and they said "we went to x and took the ferry over from y as we dropped husband with my sister". So of course I asked about his sister and was told she went with them.

Not sure if what I wrote made sense. They dropped my husband with my mil's sister so I asked where my husband's sister was and hey told me she went with them. My husband was there and he wasn't bothered as funkily enough he couldn't remember any of it, nor could his sister.

All families are different (states the obvious) as are relationships within them. I had 5 children and they adored staying with GP (and being spoiled) as they adored having them. I left the youngest DC (also about 2) and she didn't so much as give me a backward glance and was fine all week - she did loads of 2 yr old-friendly things while we took the older ones ski-ing, which they loved. And also used to take younger ones away when older ones in school /scout camps. That didn't stop us having family holidays as well. Was never any problem for older kids not having toddler around - they enjoyed the break too, to do 'big boy' stuff and the 'left behind' child got her share of skiing when she was older and at some point the brothers were too old for family holidays. None of them ever showed any resentment when the photographs were dug out any more than they resented pictures of siblings on school holidays. I never gave it a thought TBH. It has NOTHING to do with a child being an inconvenience OP, just a practical way of giving each child opportunities they would otherwise not have had. Only you know whether you, the GP, your DH, your youngest DC and your oldest DC will be happy with the arrangement - and I suspect, from your post, you all will be so have a great time and enjoy your holiday! And as for SIL - ignore, she's just noise on the system.

Oh, do get over yourself, Thierry.

Your desperate attempts at scolding and sanctimony are what is embarrassing on this thread.

OP has decided not to take your advice - You don't seem used to that.

OP, you asked if you were being "awful and selfish".
I've not totted it up precisely but it looks like half say no, half say yes.
I think it's dreadful, so I'm Team SIL. So, whilst what you do with your children is none of my business, I don't think you should have an issue with SIL who was only stating what half of the rest of the population think. IMO, she was speaking on behalf of your toddler and standing up for her, NOT being jealous that she doesn't get as much free childcare as you.

I have a 7yo and a 2yo, btw. There is zero chance I would leave the youngest behind on a holiday - she'd absolutely know she was missing out. I asked her earlier if she'd like a week with granny (they have a good relationship) or a week on holiday with her big brother going on rides and waterslides and the look on her face to say well OF COURSE I'd rather be with my brother and my parents on holiday is all I need to know. She said HOLIDAYYYYYY!

I also asked my 7yo and he was horrified at the thought of her being left behind. Yes, she does curtail things at times, but we all have a much better time with her around than not.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Your two year old will be fine with your mother.

Having taken my two year old along with 8 and 14 year olds on a beach holiday last year we were less able to relax and go to some places the older ones would have loved so I can understand your thinking

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but why don't you take your mum with you? Then you can still do things with your older children but you aren't leading one out? I couldn't leave one of mine at home.

This is borderline pathetic because there are children living with abuse and neglect, living in fear and being rejected and unloved . Ember is leaving her child with a loving grandparent for one week only. Some MNers get all up in arms when parents dare to leave their children to go away for a weekend or holiday. It’s ok to occasionally leave your children if it’s best for everyone involved, as long as they’re with someone who is competent and caring. It’s ok to sometimes be selfish as a parent. It’s not a crime and it’s not bad parenting.

I was left at my loving grandmas house when i was 2, whilst my mum dad and older siblings went on holiday. Grandma said I had a ball and really enjoyed the week with her. I cant remember it. . AIBU to feel hurt and sad over it nearly 40 years later.

Unanimous answers: Get. A. Fucking. Grip.

I wouldn’t do this to my mum even if she offered. Tbh I think it’s taking massive advantage of her generosity. It’s one thing saying you love your family, it’s another taking a week off work to spend your time being exhausted by a 2 year old.

I think the idea of going on holiday all together is the best - that way you can have some quality time with the older kids and your mum gets a holiday too but you’re not stitching her up with 24hr care of the 2 year old.

Do what you want to do.

The girlfriend needs to wing her neck in.

I'm sure your eldest children will appreciate quality time with mum and dad.

OP - your brothers gf is just pissed off because she has seen how much granny wants to spend time with your dd.

Granny is going to have her best week EVER (otherwise why would she and your df NOT come on a family holiday with just you guys).

Granny is going to pretend that lo is hers, if she is 50 I bet people will think she is.

She obviously doesn't find in inconvenient or wouldn't have mentioned it.

Have a fab holiday - but it won't be as good as Granny's

Having taken my two year old along with 8 and 14 year olds on a beach holiday last year we were less able to relax and go to some places the older ones would have loved so I can understand your thinking

You were less able to relax and go to places that the older ones would've loved?

So why do the older ones trump the needs of the younger one?

Oh yeah, been there done that, they can be excluded!

At the end of the day OP had decided (most likely long before posting) that she's going!

As she herself stated any guilt and she'll have a couple of cocktails to deal with that!

Oh yes, when challenged on that particular quote, she justified it by saying she'd do it with the two year old (probably three year old by the time often holiday) anyway!

Well I did it - took my 6 year old on a skiing holiday with friends and other children and left my 18 month old behind. I couldn't afford to take her and hire childcare for her. DH was at sea. She had a lovely time with my parents. I missed her but still had a great time. Does she remember it? No! Took her later years though DH looked after her!

I don't think you're selfish, I actually think it's a good idea as older children often get left to their own devices when there's a younger sibling around as the younger one obviously requires more attention.

This will enable you to have a break, which we all need, and to focus on your older 2 dc, which is a lovely idea. Your youngest will not remember this in years to come and I'm sure your mum will spoil her rotten anyway and it will enable her to form a closer relationship with her, which will be of benefit to them both.

Ignore your sil, her opinion comes from a place of jealousy. Go without your youngest and enjoy yourselves; there will be many more holidays that you can all go on.

When my dc was about 2 yo we left her with her GPs and went to Disneyland in Florida without her. I only spoke to her once or twice in the 2 weeks on the phone, as we found out that that worked better (when she spoke to us she wanted to see us, but when she didn't she was fine, kinda like out of sight, out of mind) and she loved being with them.

She was fine, slept well, ate well, etc. She was obviously pleased to see us when we got back, but no more than if we'd just been gone for a few hours. She wasn't any more clingy or anything afterwards either.
She also doesn't remember it either. She's grown into a very independent and assertive teenager who's not afraid to try new things.

Maybe it worked because she already spent a lot of time with her GPs anyway, as we often stayed there as a family (as does your dc, I think you said) .

First of all, how you live your life is your business. How your mother lives hers is her business. So your sil can take a long walk off a short pier and mind her own fucking business.

That being said, you, your DH, and your THREE children are a family, and splitting that family up so that you can ‘enjoy and relax’ more on holiday, and ‘spend quality time with older kids’ is a lame-ass excuse and you know it.

You chose to have three children, you chose to split yourself three ways. If you go ahead with this holiday, there will be far reaching consequences.

First of all, it has nothing to do with the SIL BUT I couldn’t go on holiday and leave the 2yo. It’s a family holiday. It would just be odd.

Beardy

With all due respect I think you need to look up the meaning if unanimous in the dictionary 😂 🙈

Pink panther

I think the phrase you're looking for is "wind your neck in" 😂. And on that note ...

Weebo -

I gave an opinion not advice. That is what OP asked for. Feel free to correct me and hundreds of others on the thread if we all got that wrong ...

As you seem to think it is relevant 🤔, my advice is often not taken. I have three young children .... i don't get upset about it. I sleep soundly.

Was it you who said these threads turn into a competition to see who can say the worst things? You're breaking your neck there to get out in front of that race 🤗.