To leave 2 year old at home?

[Ember12]

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

Lily perhaps aibu is not the best place to hang out in your first few days here? If you want support with pg, weaning, behaviour, pets or whatever, there are areas for that and you will find people very supportive. Aibu is used more for ranting and opinionated discourse
That said I can’t imagine coming onto a new forum and telling everyone that you thought every other person posting was a bitch, so perhaps you’d be better suited somewhere else.

I get the impression some posters are still fondly imagining a baby being doted on one on one by Grandma for a week, oblivious to the holiday fun she's missing out on.

This will be a near 3 year old who'll know exactly what she's missing out on and wondering why she's being left behind! As pp have said, as Grandma is entertaining other grandchildren that week too it sounds like Ops DD will spend the time tagging along with everyone at home doing every day things in rainy August while her family fly off to the sun. It is cruel to a child of that age leaving her to watch her brothers set off with her parents while she's longing to join them on the beach and in the pool.

That's charitable, Weebo, there are some seriously demented people on this thread.

Go for it! It makes you better parents having a holiday just you two! Your two year old will be spoilt rotten and will love it. Maybe have the hol a bit shorter if you’re worried. Ignore the haters in this post!

Surely at nearly 3 they are old enough to realise that they are the only one not going on this holiday. How could you do that? You're a family of 5 not 4!

People were called those things because they were asking why OP had her daughter at all if she wasn't going to bring her on this holiday

I think those comments were out of order as well. However, I don't have some arbitrary line in the sand where I start slinging vicious names at people just because I don't like what their opinions are.

Once you start name calling, people feel bullied off threads or people that aren't even involved don't want to post in case they draw fire.

Bluelady, tell people to shut up! I mean you knew the OP had gone!

And you call others demented.....

I don’t think you’re a selfish and awful parent. I don’t agree with the people who say she won’t care / won’t remember, though. My two year old would definitely know what was going on and would definitely be unhappy about it - and I don’t think I’d do it myself for that reason - but it’s still an ok choice for you to make, your dd will be well taken care of and all of us (even kids) have to do things we don’t like from time to time.

Can you people literally not cope with people having a different opinion to you without resorting to juvenile and nasty name-calling?

No. If people want to tell OP she shouldn't have had her child than they deserve to be called names. They have been quite mild really.

If you can't dish it out don't take it. People disagreeing? Fine? Telling the OP that they don't know why she had her child? Name calling worthy.

You tell your youngest that they are having a special holiday with Grandma - and you all have a great time!!
Over the years we have had various holidays - with and without our kids and with various combinations of kids.

My youngest (now nearly 10) has had a special week with her Grandparents every summer since she was tiny. They love having her, she loves being spoilt. There is a seven year age gap between her and the siblings. She was very much wanted - but it doesn't hurt to have time out from one, two or all of your children!! Last year, due to camp and days out - she didn't get to go for her Grannycamp - and this upset her more than the thought of being left out of anything we may have done with the other kids. We have already planned this summer's activities and Grannycamp is on the calendar xx

For all those that say they wouldn't leave their child in case they are upset - what would you do in an emergency? You are planning on leaving your child with someone that loves them and that you have complete trust in. I am happier knowing that my children have a good relation with their Grandparents (and heaven forbid) should anything happen to me - they would not be distressed being left in their care (as a group or as individuals).

If this is the only thing your parents ever did that really hurt you and there’s no backstory, then I’m surprised that some posters cannot put this behind them. If you were constantly left out and you were left with a random babysitter or family member then it’s totally understandable why. However, for a one off, I cannot see the harm. This child is being left with granny who wants and loves her and she is being taken somewhere else with her parents as compensation.

This ^

I am assuming all the "you are cruel!!! It's selfish!!! Why have a third child at all!!!" crowd either

a) had awful neglectful parents and cruel siblings, and are projecting madly about this case. If this is the case I am sorry you all have awful families, but that really isn't the OP's problem;

or

b) had idyllic childhoods where the worst thing that ever happened to them was they were made to stay with their doting granny for a week, being fed bonbons and taken to the zoo, while their siblings lived it up at the Costa Brava. Since this is the only trauma of their life, they've made more of it than is strictly necessary.

it could go either way.

Can I just ask how you will explain this to the younger child. People are saying they will know what's going on - I'm not sure tbh. If the siblings are talking about the holiday with you, getting excited etc and the younger one wants to go - will you let them. Are you going to tell the older ones to keep quiet? Or are you going to big up the grandma angle?

I think those comments were out of order as well. However, I don't have some arbitrary line in the sand where I start slinging vicious names at people just because I don't like what their opinions are.

You don't. Others clearly do.

Hardly vicious names.

I have a 2 year old and older siblings but I would never in a million years leave him behind. I think that’s awful.

Well, my arbitrary line in the sand is somewhere back there I'm afraid.

If your 2 year old will be happy and have fun at grandmas and you feel it's a good idea then you should do it. Your family, your decision, do what you feel it best for all of you. You and your older children will enjoy your hols while youngest is being adored by grandmother.

Your bros gf should mind her own business! Having said that we've 2 big ones n a little one n we couldn't go on hols without her we'd all miss her too much it wouldn't b the same but that's just us!

U2

I often find myself aligned with your opinions, but we disagree on this.

Name calling is too close to personal attacks to be used on a public forum like this, and it invariably derails threads and puts people off posting.

There are plenty of ways of articulating what you think/how strongly you disagree with someone's opinion without calling them names.

It's what Trump does when someone does/says something he doesn't like, which ought to be a red flag as to whether it's a reasonable form of communication.

We don't - I assume - call people those names in rl, and so why anonymously on here?

I think Trump is a twat too.

I don't call people names irl as a rule. However, if I heard someone telling someone else that they shouldn't have had their child because of a holiday I actually might call them a twat to their face.

But yes, we shall agree to disagree.

I don't think yabu it sounds like a win win situation for the whole family. I probably wouldn't because I'm too overprotective , I cried when my eldest went on a residential with the school, hated them going to the beach with dh when I was at work(I didn't let on to them) and know that's my problem. Your eldest two will have a great time being able to do things suited for their age group, you and dh will have a more relaxing holiday ( 2yr olds are bloody hard work) and youngest and gps will have a brilliant time. Have an amazing time

I don't want to be unkind and name call, your DM did offer after all. But I have to admit I can't understand why you would go on a holiday without your youngest. Not at nearly 3 when she would be aware of what's going on. I wouldn't have an issue at all with a 18 month old, or even a child who has just turned 2.

But at the end of the day, it is your decision, we all have to make those decisions when we're parents. It's hardly going to permanently damage your DD, so you don't deserve some of the unkind comments you've had on here.

Yes. Go. Dw about your SIL she sounds like a bitch.
I take the grandchildren (2 & 3 y) away for 5 days when my daughter has a holiday. Its lovely to spend time with them, they love spending time with their Nana

Singling our one child out of three, treating them differently and leaving them behind us not okay. It can’t be justified by saying she’s too young to know etc. You know she’s left out, and you shouldn’t be okay with that. No issues with having kids stay away from him etc, but it’s not okay to treat them differently. Your SIL isn’t the issue at hand here, but that being said she has behaved unreasonably and shouldn’t be talking to you like that.