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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 31/01/2018 17:52

No - that was my point. You were prepared to have a whole family holiday so why not carry on with that? So it’s a shame that you won’t take your youngest when I bet they’ll love it and you could still do things with your eldest kids if you’d tag team with your partners.

Tinkerbec · 31/01/2018 17:53

Literally wow. I cannot believe some people.

Dam - Is it the age that bothers you? Would you think it was ok with a one year old or if all the children were left behind?

I think a baby is fine but yes I am swaying with a near three year old. Actually I have pictures of my daughter who is 18 months stomping around Disney like she owns the place. We did have Grandma with us though and Auntie.

I am torn as I don’t see why some people are on the high horse about you wanting to relax. What is wrong in that! You are perfectly entitled to relax! Also some people could not possibly leave their children for a week with Grandma full stop. I think that’s strange in itself!

But for a NT three year old ? Will she ask where you are and her siblings are? Why isn’t she with you? Will she remember it? Only you know the answer to that.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 31/01/2018 17:55

Damn makes a good point, why have a third child if they are seen as an inconvenience as they need watching around the pool etc.

Family holidays should be for all, not just the ones you're willing to take. If there's an age gap activity wise, then you compromise or one parent takes the older ones and the other the younger ones.

lindyloo57 · 31/01/2018 17:57

when my chilren were young about 6 an 9, my best friend won a holiaday at bingo to spain, and offered to take me, we used to share our winnings, i did go, dh looked after children with mothers help, it was my first holiday abroad, but i phoned home every day i missed them all so much.

I8toys · 31/01/2018 17:58

I wouldn't do it personally. Your kid shouldn't be an inconvenience. I would tag team with dh to ensure we got the best out of everything we could but couldn't leave one child behind to make it easier. A bit of planning is all it needs.

Crazyunicornlady · 31/01/2018 17:59

I’m sorry but I don’t understand why you would have a third child and then decide to exclude them from a family holiday!

Lindsxxx · 31/01/2018 17:59

I’ve just caught up somewhat and literally just read the post where you said you’d asked.
Can’t believe some of the nasty people on here. Slightly different but I left my home educated (so no nursery or school time away from me) with my parents in law while my hubby and I went to a festival in November, we worried that they would miss us....pahahahahaha. Couldn’t have been further from the truth - they wanted us to go away when we went to collect them as they were having so much fun!!
Have a lovely time with your older children - I have big 18 years between my 2nd and third and first and second “kids” still appreciated time alone with me.
At the end of the day, it’s a week, your little one will have a wail of a time with granny. Xx

Yb23487643 · 31/01/2018 18:04

Not awful. Personal preference. Jealous SIL.

Original poster
Ember12 · 31/01/2018 18:04

I decided to have my third child because i wanted her same with my others as im sure most on this thread did she was planned no accident as a pp previously mentioned not that its anyones busines

OP posts:
Weebo · 31/01/2018 18:06

Some children are just naturally chilled out about these things.

I was a limpet to my mum and couldn't be left for love nor money.

My brother was the opposite and would have stayed with anyone as long as he had a nice time.

People are really catastrophising this whole thing by using emotive words like 'exclude' and suggesting she will wonder about lost asking where her family is.

Weebo · 31/01/2018 18:09

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Sallystyle · 31/01/2018 18:10

I wouldn't do it, simply because family holidays are rare in this house, so when we go I want all my children there.

OP your 2 year old isn't going to be scarred for life and I would worry about a child who would remember it years later with hurt and resentment. They would either have very little else to worry about or have some pretty deep issues that go much further than missing out on one holiday when they were 2 years old.

yourekillingmeman · 31/01/2018 18:11

Why would you even have a third child if it wasn't even allowed to come on holiday? Seems a bit sad for the one left behind.

MuncheysMummy · 31/01/2018 18:11

Wow no way would I leave one child behind when we went on holiday?! Why not just have not had him at all?? Be even easier then...

OOOOOOOOOOO · 31/01/2018 18:13

I'm shocked at the responses on this thread. The two year old isn't being left in in the workhouse...she will be with her grandparents.

OP, it literally wouldn't have crossed my mind there was anything wrong with leaving her. You will all have a blast without her just as you would have had a blast with her. However, not having a two year old means the rest of you can really relax and do things whenever you want. It will be really relaxing and fun. Of course you will miss her but she will be having a wonderful time with her grandparents.

My only suggestion would be to make sure you make sure your parents know how much you appreciate them. (Which I'm sure you do already)

Lynrdskynrf · 31/01/2018 18:15

Sounds fine to me. The two year old should have good care and will probably enjoy being made a fuss off. Enjoy your time.

Sallystyle · 31/01/2018 18:15

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gribak · 31/01/2018 18:16

I am not judging you at all, as it sounds like a fab way to devote some time to your two older children and why not. But I was a third child .... and on two or three family holidays I was the one left behind because I was the youngest, it was easier to farm me out etc, easier to be away with just the two older ones... To be very fair I was older than two years old - but I have always remembered and felt very aggrieved by it. My family got to go to a few fab countries without me - ones I have not been to since. I have three kids, and they are all older teenagers now. I have never left the youngest behind on anything we have ever done because of that. Now that my oldest is 18, he wants to be doing his own thing, but the offer is always there for him to join us. Being a family of 5 for me is about spending time together as a while family on holidays. Having said all that, if you are going to leave the 2yr old behind, best to do it now before they are too old to remember and when they are older, best not to carry on about the family holiday that they were not included in. (which is what happened to me!!)

WonderLime · 31/01/2018 18:16

Yes, indeed! How could she possibly have a child who she will be with for the other 358 days per year!

It's one frigging week - how can you possibly be so fucking awful? I'm sure there is a thousand reasons to have a child and that going on holiday for a week without them trumps it all.

I honestly can't believe how nasty some people are being.

OOOOOOOOOOO · 31/01/2018 18:16

Not sure why some posters have to be quite so nasty and spiteful with their comments. I understand not everyone would leave a two year old in these circumstances but some of the comments are pathetically bitchy.

freefan · 31/01/2018 18:16

I was horrified when I read the heading and then read your dilemma and I totally understand why your mum has offered.
She will revel in spending real quality time with her grandchild and as the child is used to being there, then no strangeness and well your mum raised you and is capable, I really hope you take her up on your offer and enjoy having a really relaxing holiday with the older children doing everything that you would have been unable to do with a toddler in tow.
Also will only strengthen the grandparent/grandchild bond and also yours as parents with your older children, good memories all round and next year maybe take the grandmother away with you so you and hubby get some alone time ;)
That's my opinion lol

Quartz2208 · 31/01/2018 18:17

I think its emotive because quite a lot of people make the decision to stop at 2 with this being one of the reasons that they stop.

Exiguous · 31/01/2018 18:19

Wow no way would I leave one child behind when we went on holiday?! Why not just have not had him at all?? Be even easier then...

This is hilarious.

I have three children, and sometimes one or two of them don't come on holiday with us.

Does that mean I shouldn't have bothered having them? That our relationship has had no meaning? That all the amazing times we've had together, and all the love we share, are not worth anything?

Good grief.

DextroDependant · 31/01/2018 18:19

Personally I think it's a horrible thing to do. Plus all this talk about one on one time with granny, the OP has already said herm wants to spend time with her other grandchildren that week too so the 2 year old will be tagging along, just like she would on the sunshine holiday.
I don't know why dad cat take the older two to the theme park whilst mum stays with toddler and then swap.

Weebo · 31/01/2018 18:19

These threads tend to turn into a competition to see who can say the worst thing.

It's embarrassing.

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