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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 31/01/2018 17:30

That’s what you say now but that wasn’t the original intention.

You could spend time with the eldest by tag teaming with your partner. As you would normally. Not by pretending you’re a family of four, which you aren’t.

QueenDramaLlama · 31/01/2018 17:32

The others would be enjoying the theme park with there father or myself while one is with my youngest or should we all only ever soley focus on my youngest needs?
Wow, just wow.

MBDBBB · 31/01/2018 17:35

your mother offered-you didn’t ask her-so brother’s girlfriend should pipe down. Her objections are about her and probably the fact that she thinks she’s losing out on free childcare for her kids and not about you/your family. Would she have anything to say if DHs family had her the whole time? Probably not. take her up on it though!

I would absolutely do it. It doesn’t make you a bad parent AT ALL. Your youngest will enjoy the one on one time with GPs and the oldest ones can enjoy the holiday! Everyone wins! You’ll have loads of other opportunities to go altogether. Just do it!

TheNewKaren · 31/01/2018 17:36

Difficult. One the one hand I wouldn’t do this, on the other hand if she’s so much younger she will get a lot more attention on a daily basis than her older siblings who are probably at school all day while the younger child is at home more. Older siblings can feel a little neglected and this would be a good opportunity to have more focus on them, as at home they don’t ‘need’ so much attention and practical help. Depends on your family dynamics. But she would know and remember it later and hold a grudge. In a few years you’ll be able to all go swimming at the same time and cycling and all that and the ‘standing in cold water supervising and longing to swim just one length’ time will soon be forgotten.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 31/01/2018 17:36

Becotide

Jobjob is not a vocal minority. Unless you cant read to see that.

Original poster
Ember12 · 31/01/2018 17:36

Believeit what was my original intention?

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 31/01/2018 17:37

Toddlers are inconvenient when you're trying to enjoy stuff with older ones.

I'm beyond the whole stage now, but had no hesitation in leaving a 2 yr old with grandparents whilst we took the older 5 to EuroDisney. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

If you're comfy leaving your youngest Ember I'd go for it, but pull up Paultons Park to show your older kids, you might find he changes his mind when he sees the rides :)

Angela1472 · 31/01/2018 17:38

I think it’s a bit mean to leave your 2 yo behind on a family holiday- we have taken our youngest to water parks abroad and just taken it in turns to go on water slides with older ds whilst the other plays in the toddler section.

catwhite1 · 31/01/2018 17:38

The only thing I’m concerned about is that you say your mum works 12 hour shifts x 5 days a week. How is she going to look after a 2 year old as well? Even if dps parents help, it’s quite a big ask for the whole week. It also seems a bit unfair too if you’re on holiday and your mums having to work 60 hrs and look after a 2 year old. I think it would be a nice idea if your Mum wasn’t working. I also think it would be nice for you to include the little one too.

Leapfrog44 · 31/01/2018 17:38

I think it's an incredibly kind offer and I'd be tempted to take it if you're sure your poor mother can take handle it!

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 31/01/2018 17:39

My eldest are fine with it and are looking forward to doing things they normally would be restricted with

Why are they usually restricted with a 2 year old and two parents on hand?

We do this sort of stuff with our DC all the time - including the toddler! - everyone gets to do what they want and has a great time.

You've made your choice OP, you've got support for your decision from some and bewilderment and a sense of incredulity from others.

It's completely different for an older child to choose not to be included. You've got a stack of reasons why you're doing it and I doubt anything anyone says will swerve you.

becotide · 31/01/2018 17:39

"Jobjob is not a vocal minority. Unless you cant read to see that."

I have zero intention of read 22 pages of mimsywimsying about the poor wittle babas.

Normal people know there's nothing wrong with a toddler staying with Grandma for a week.

Lizzie48 · 31/01/2018 17:39

And actually if your youngest is almost 3, she's going to be constantly asking why she isn't coming with you. She'll be asking her GPs why she can't go. And in years to come she'll ask why she didn't go with you.

I'm sorry, it really is so wrong. It's a holiday that would have been so much fun for her as well.

A 1 year old I would say that's reasonable though I wouldn't do it. But not a child of nearly 3.

DamnThatOnesTakenTryAnother · 31/01/2018 17:41

Well clearly you shouldn't have had three kids.
Yes you are being incredibly unreasonable and yes as the third child and the youngest I can tell you had my parents done this to me I would have held it against them for the rest of my life (or until I had paid for the therapy that my parents found me an inconvenience).

Literally wow. I cannot believe some people.

SuperSue77 · 31/01/2018 17:42

My husband was left at home with an aunt and cousins when he was 18 months while his 3.5yr old sister went away with mum and dad. He doesn't resent his parents for it. I agree that she'll have a wonderful time having 1 on 1 time with Granny and your older 2 will have a ball. It is difficult to give individual time to all your children when you have 3 (or more!). I expect your 2yr old gets lots of time with you on her own while the older 2 are at school, and think of the holidays she'll have with you once they are older and won't want to go with you. Don't let other people's feelings on the matter stop you making the right choice for your family. Have a great time!

Rachie1973 · 31/01/2018 17:43

I doubt anything anyone says will swerve you.

Hope not, she's going to have a great time.

Believeitornot · 31/01/2018 17:45

Your original intention was to go on holiday with all of your dcs by the sound of your OP....

Howlongtilldinner · 31/01/2018 17:45

I would tell SIL to mind her own business for a start. Secondly, if you want to leave your child with its GP, then that is YOUR decision, you are NOT at the mercy of the internet!

There are many cultures who send their children ‘back home’ for the summer holidays, great they get to spend quality time with extended family.

Do what you want OP, your SIL has made you doubt your decision and that’s why you’ve asked for ‘opinions’ on here, but that is ALL they are (or should be) JUST opinions.

For what it’s worth, I have done it, and I spent the whole 5 days calling home in tears, as I missed DD so badly.

Ultimately it is your choice, your child will not suffer for it, so..have a great time and think no more about itSmile

Lindsxxx · 31/01/2018 17:45

apologies, not read the full thread so sorry if I’m repeating.
Have you thought of Mum coming on holiday with you? That way you hear can be with you but you also get baby sitters for when you want to spend time with the older two doing something that the baby wouldn’t enjoy?

Believeitornot · 31/01/2018 17:46

My husband was left at home with an aunt and cousins when he was 18 months while his 3.5yr old sister went away with mum and dad

How did that even come up in conversation? If it wasn’t a big deal why mention it?

Original poster
Ember12 · 31/01/2018 17:47

Ive confused your comments with the shes my inconvenient unwanted child sorry
I thought you meant my original intention was to have a relaxing holiday without her

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 31/01/2018 17:47

My ds was left with his granny several times. He loved it and still remembers it. Just to redress the balance a bit

Howlongtilldinner · 31/01/2018 17:47

damn that is a very spiteful post..shame on youHmm

Original poster
Ember12 · 31/01/2018 17:49

Linds yes ive asked her due to people suggesting it on her and she doesnt want to as she takes time off around that time to spend with all her grandchildren not just mine

OP posts:
a1poshpaws · 31/01/2018 17:51

It sounds like a great idea to me - and nobody else's business. Go for it.