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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 31/01/2018 10:46

I think she would be horrified

Then this explains your stance here, ThierryHenry. The OP's mum is far from horrified, and in fact the whole thing was the OP's mum's idea in the first place.

The OP's family is clearly different from yours, and it works for them. I think that's clear, here.

llangennith · 31/01/2018 10:50

My GC range between 14 and 7 and I’ve looked after them regularly for a few days or a week while their respective parents have enjoyed a child-free holiday break. The DC have never said they miss their parents (little buggers!) but the mums have missed their kids (a bit). I enjoy having the GC to myself but also enjoy handing them back to their parentsGrin
Go on holiday and enjoy yourselves. Tell SIL to butt out.

Weebo · 31/01/2018 10:51

Because OP has weighed up the issues put forward on this thread/by her arse of a SIL and decided that it would still be better for everyone to take the granny up on her kind offer.

How is that beyond you?

You are foot-stompingly determined to make the OP feel as shitty as possible over something that is really not that big a deal.

Quartz2208 · 31/01/2018 11:33

No the issue is that this is a divisive issue - pretty much split 50/50 between the OPs viewpoint and the SIL viewpoint.

Which makes it tricky because the OP is not going to get 100% validation that she is right and the SIL is wrong or 100% validation that the SIL is right and she is wrong.

What she gets is that she makes the decision she feels suits her family in the knowledge that it may be judged by other people. That is what parenting is: standing by the decisions that are right for you as a family in the face of judgment from other people.

Because only she knows her family and whether it will have an impact or not.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 31/01/2018 11:33

I adored my time with my loving, fun, generous and kind grandparents. I wanted to live with them and frequently packed my bags in a strop and announced I was leaving home. I definitely wasn’t damaged by being left when my parents spend one-on-one time with my sibling. Like the OP’s little one, I also got my turn with my parents and as a bonus, got spoiled rotten by my grandparents whilst they were doing stuff with her.

Enjoy your holiday!

PasstheStarmix · 31/01/2018 11:35

Exactly what Quartz said; best comment on whole thread.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 31/01/2018 12:00

Queen dramallama
Agree with this.

Weebo
No-one is foot stomping, aside from you possibly but certainly not me. OP asked for opinions and she has them. There was never going to be unanimous agreement that it was a good idea.

I disagree that taking granny up on the offer is best for everyone, i said not only did i think it wasnt best for the 2 year old but also a poor message to give older DC, that it is better for four not to have 2 year old there.

A lot of people on this thread dont think it is a good idea and have explained in many ways why. Are we all foot stomping because we don't agree it is the right thing to do?

Archeryannie
Not sure what your point is? The fact that my mum would be horrified at me leaving one of three children behind for a week when i could as easily take her doesn't explain my stance at all.

If my mother was to offer i would turn her down flat. I am an adult capable of independent thought and opinion.

Koala72 · 31/01/2018 13:37

It would be different if 2 year old were a bit older and knew what was going on. But they don’t.

Sorry but they absolutely do. Well, mine did. I think it's easy at that age to underestimate their consciousness of what is going. And ok, maybe she won't remember the holiday, but it will be part of your family memories and there will be pics of her with you. Do you want to have pics around of you guys and the older kids having fun, and her not there?

Personally I could not have borne being separated from my 2 year old and it would have spoiled the holiday for me.

Koala72 · 31/01/2018 13:40

So when she's big and asks why she didn't go, will you tell her the truth? That you thought you'd all have a better time without her? !

I do think this question divides the camp on here. I know some parents are very much for doing their own thing and the kids having to get on with whatever is decided. Perhaps I'm a softy and I'm not at all judging here - just you asked for opinion.

ArcheryAnnie · 31/01/2018 13:55

So when she's big and asks why she didn't go, will you tell her the truth? That you thought you'd all have a better time without her? !

Koala from what the OP has written, the truthful answer to your question would be "well, we'd planned on taking all three of you together, but then your granny asked if she could have you for a week's holiday, just you and her".

Can't see that being a recipe for therapy, myself.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 31/01/2018 14:16

To add to that ArcheryAnnie the little one will also be able to say that she also got taken to Peppa Pig land.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 31/01/2018 14:17

Annie

This is silly ... 2 year old is NOT having a holiday with Granny. 2 year old is being left at home whilst the rest of the family go away for sun, sea, sand, theme parks, all lovely holiday stuff for a week. So that there is less inconvenience for OP, DH and other DC.

Just because she probably won't remember being left when she is 20 it doesn't make it a decent thing to do. It doesnt mean that she won't be upset. A week is a long time for a two year old.

Most two year olds i know including my own twins who i took to Salou with my 9 year old absolutely loved the holiday. The sunshine, the pool, the beach, the activities, the whole holiday actually. As did my 9 year old. Why are we accepting that the holiday for older DC will be shit if their sister goes? It is rubbish. What about compromise?
What about planning ahead? Activities to suit all sometimes and splitting up sometimes for one on one. Would it not benefit older DC to know it is not all about them?

This is primarily about what makes an easier holiday for OP. And the dancing around it is ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 31/01/2018 14:18

"So when she's big and asks why she didn't go, will you tell her the truth? That you thought you'd all have a better time without her?"

Well, when I asked my ds about the times we did this when he was little, he went misty eyed about the railway museum, green ice cream the steps to the beach at Whitby and going to work with grandad. He does not appear to be scarred.

confusedofengland · 31/01/2018 14:24

I could never do it. My parents did this to me when I was 18 months old - they went on holiday to a hot country with my 2 big sisters & left me with my grandparents 'because it was too hot for a toddler.

Apparently, at the time I had a great time with my grandparents. As an adult, however, and a mother of 3 myself, I find it hurtful & upsetting. Even now it makes me feel like I somehow wasn't good enough for them or was in their way. I would say it has negatively impacted our relationship & also mine with my sisters, who often leave me out of things Sad I could never do that to any of my boys.

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 14:28

When she asks why she doesn't don't go ....OP can say

We were able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water.

AKA

You would've been a pain to take, because two year olds are hard work. I knew that as I've got two already. But I thought I'd have you anyway and when I could just leave you behind. After all I've been there done that and want to experience the next stage of your older siblings lives without you taking time and attention!

Another thought is that a week around water would help 2 year old enormously around water, but that's not a thought either.

Why have a third child if you don't like the dynamic it gives the WHOLE family?

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 14:30

Snap confusedengland! Hurts doesn't it?

confusedofengland · 31/01/2018 14:32

Jobjobjob hugely so! Yet they still all make a joke of it, like I'm just a still baby (at age 40) Hmm Sad

Bluelady · 31/01/2018 14:35

Why don't you all just shut up? OP is leaving two year old with Granny at Granny's request. Granny, quite understandably, has refused the invitation to go on holiday. OP is happy, her husband's happy, her SiL, who doesn't count, isn't. We don't know if the two year old's happy as she's too young to post to this thread. What the rest of us think is totally irrelevant. The decision has been made. The holiday has been booked.

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 14:40

Why don't you all just shut up?

That has to be the most immature hilarious and ridiculous statement I have EVER read on AIBU!!!

You're not saying the same as me so just shut up!!

GrinGrinGrinGrin

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 14:41

Jobjobjob hugely so! Yet they still all make a joke of it, like I'm just a still baby (at age 40)  

And SNAP again, only I'm older!!
Had two children very close together to avoid this. However, if we had changed our minds we would NEVER exclude one child!

Bluelady · 31/01/2018 14:45

No, because you've done it to death. Anyway I'm sure OP is long gone so you're talking to yourselves.

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 14:46

Blue, OP asked does it make her Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

I'm saying yes it does and explaining why?

She asked the question, so not sure why you're telling posters to shit up?

Jobjobjob · 31/01/2018 14:48

No, because you've done it to death. Anyway I'm sure OP is long gone so you're talking to yourselves.

Well don't read anymore then, it's a forum and I'll post when I like and if I like and you won't tell me otherwise!

I

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 31/01/2018 14:50

Blue lady

Very childish of you to tell us all to shut up but generally expect that kind of retort when an argument or position is weak. Are you an adult?

Bit embarassing to say the least.

"We don't know if the 2 year old is happy as she is too young to post to this thread"

Now that statement really does take the biscuit.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 31/01/2018 14:50

If this is the only thing your parents ever did that really hurt you and there’s no backstory, then I’m surprised that some posters cannot put this behind them. If you were constantly left out and you were left with a random babysitter or family member then it’s totally understandable why. However, for a one off, I cannot see the harm. This child is being left with granny who wants and loves her and she is being taken somewhere else with her parents as compensation.