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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 30/01/2018 23:07

Totally agree with june

Rachie1973 · 30/01/2018 23:07

I asked my 16 year old if she was still wounded from when we took the 5 eldest to Eurodisney without her.

She now thinks I'm insane and asks if she can have a Pandora bracelet to make up for the trauma. We're sorted.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 30/01/2018 23:07

No Archey, I said they looked at me with a hurt look, I’m sure they don’t understand the concept of hurt yet so maybe it’s me seeing it as hurt when it’s disappointment. I would actually have liked them to be there as they are so fun, which is ridiculous, they weren’t even born!

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 23:08

Namesarehard you do grasp that the holiday was booked with the intention of all three kids going, and that plans were only altered when the OP's mum offered to have the youngest for their own week together, yes?

Weebo · 30/01/2018 23:10

So because your child fretted about her sister for a couple of days it means OP's DD will have an awful time, Names?

A lot of 2-year-olds would be happy as clams having a week of grannies undivided attention.

Namesarehard · 30/01/2018 23:12

Yes I do but regardless of that why would anyone think it was a good idea.
Ok, so it was booked for 3. How about leave one of the older ones behind for a fun filled week with granny instead. No? Ofcourse not. Awful thing to do. As I said, I have a 2 year old. They are far more tuned in than people give them credit for.

I know people who leave all their children behind (I haven't myself) and that's one thing. But to leave just one is another altogether. It's selfish.

Namesarehard · 30/01/2018 23:13

I used my own child as an example to show they do know when someone has gone. There's no way a 2 year old won't get upset when their parents and siblings piss off for a week. It's cruel.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 30/01/2018 23:15

Why is that those who dont agree with leaving a 2 year old with GP for a week whilst other siblings and DP go abroad are seen as competitive martyrs who cannot leave their DP for 5 minutes or cannot bear to be apart from them for a short time?
It is utter rubbish.
I would not do as OP is planning because my two year old would be part of the family. End of story.
I work, i spend time with DC separately, i go away / out on ocassion.
This is all about convenience - leaving a toddler behind for a week so that mum and dad can have a break with older DC requiring minimal supervision because it is too much like hard work to bring DD along too to enjoy time with her parents and siblings.

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 23:16

Selfish of whom, Names? Not of the OP or her DH, who clearly have no problem with taking the youngest, too, otherwise the original plan would not have been like that.

Selfish of the granny to want a week spoiling the youngest rotten? Maybe, but I think everyone will cope with it!

MagicWillHappen · 30/01/2018 23:16

Lots of people have danced around what they mean op. It's a shitty thing to do, regardless of the age of your youngest.

cherish123 · 30/01/2018 23:18

None of brother's girlfriend's business. However, it is odd not to take one of your children on holiday.

Weebo · 30/01/2018 23:19

There's really no way? At all?

What about the people on this thread have actually have done it without incurring any child therapy bills?

All children are different - I'm happy to believe the OP when she says her DD will be perfectly fine.

Namesarehard · 30/01/2018 23:20

Aren't I making myself clear? It's selfish of anyone to leave one of their children at home to have an easy time away. People can dress it up as much as they want. It's selfish. I will never agree it's ok. I'm also sure I'm not the only one to have posted the same view so why keep asking me?
If you have a child and want to leave them carry on but thay makes you selfish whether you want to believe it or not.

senua · 30/01/2018 23:21

I do sometimes wonder if the hand wringers end up with anxious, fearful children but that is a whole other thread

It's not a matter of handwringing. I love my DC. When they were young why on earth would I want to not include them on the family holiday?Confused
When they were a bit older, I gave them plenty of opportunities to leave me (Guide camp, school trips, etc) but I never left them. They have grown up to be grounded, confident young adults who have travelled the globe.

Namesarehard · 30/01/2018 23:22

I read some of the replies on the first page. I don't need to rtft. My opinion won't change. It's thay simple for me. You chose to have 3 kids then you take them all with you not hand pick which ones suit.

Weebo · 30/01/2018 23:23

'I have no logical reason as to why it is selfish but it just is because I said so''

ItsNachoCheese · 30/01/2018 23:24

Im a single parent booked to go away at the end of the year with my ds. I have asked dsis to come... she is a single parent too and has 2 dds one 7 and one 6months younger than ds. She has severe disabilities and learning difficulties and it would be very hard to take her abroad. She is looking into respite for youngest dd so she can spend some much needed quality time with older dd as endless hospital appts and admissions take their toll on oldest dd too and this is her chance to a carefree 7yr old for a few days. Yes it will be hard being away from younger dd for us all but my dsis needs a break for her own wellbeing as she is running on empty

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 23:24

You keep saying and again that’s if selfish, but they are doing for the older children. They didn’t suggest it (grandmother did) and if the younger child had gone the others would have suffered (less time could be spent with them and certainly not both parents at once).

I think it’s a lovely gesture for the older children - the past two years would have been dedicated to the little one, there are family holidays planned with everyone this year and time specifically dedicated to the youngest. Nothing selfish at all about the OP.

It’s your issue that you can’t seem to get over, not the OP’s. Stop projecting your lifelong problems with your parents onto the OP!

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 30/01/2018 23:25

Weebo
Methinks you protest too much.

It us a shitty thing to do. And selfish. All this great time with granny rubbish. Dd would have a great time with her immeduate family if only she was allowed.

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 23:26

I’m sure she has great time with her immediate family every day - and will do so on the family holiday in August.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 30/01/2018 23:26

Nacho
Not quite the same or even near the same scenario.

Namesarehard · 30/01/2018 23:28

My life long problems? 😂 fucking hell. Where did you get that from? I have a perfectly wonderful relationship with my parents thank you and a wonderful childhood too infact. I just also have a fantastic relationship with my children where i wouldn't piss off and leave on behind. We are a family.

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 23:33

Sorry, I’m confusing you with another poster (who said she’s never got over her parents going on holiday when she was 2 + the other poster who said her children are hurt because they missed her wedding). I still stand by my point.

Cornishclio · 30/01/2018 23:34

I know you have already booked the holiday but will respond anyway. YABU. It is going to be difficult having such a large gap between your second and third child but there are holidays you can go on which accommodate all ages including overseas holidays. We look after our 2 year old DGD one day a week and she loves coming to us and we love looking after her. However if her mum and dad were away for a week on their own, no siblings yet but one due in May, she would miss them dreadfully. A week is a long time to a 2 year old. Maybe your DD will be fine though with it as they are all different.

Also we are shattered after just one day so can't help thinking your mum may find it tough. I doubt that this will cause your DD psychological damage though so if you can live with it and your mum is ok with it that is your choice. I would have struggled to leave either of my 2 DD's at that age. Not a problem when they are older and you can explain to them.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 30/01/2018 23:36

Namesarehard
I agree with you completely.
I also think it is a really bad message to give older kids.
Some people have really skewed priorities.

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