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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ember12 · 30/01/2018 21:34

Yes i understand the needs of my youngest but also that of my older two a big family holiday with all, peppa pig world for the youngest and a active week away with the older two.. i now realise i will always get the abandoned child routine from some. But i now feel this is somewhat fair

OP posts:
newyearsameme80 · 30/01/2018 21:43

I’m interested to know what being spoiled rotten by grandma for a week looks like, as it’s been cited on here a lot. The same grandma who is visited regularly and whose home presumably doesnt hold many surprises - who lives in the same area as the child lives in, and presumably there isn’t a secret beach or similar for her to pull out as a trump card. I suspect the grand parental spoiling will have lost its interest by about day 3 and the “where are all my family” feelings will be at the forefront. Your mum won’t tell you if s/he is sad though as wont want to spoil your holiday. She also won’t tell you if she’s knackered at the end of the week as she works well over the working time directive and still volunteers to mind toddlers in her holidays - a star!

ISpeakJive · 30/01/2018 21:45

Aren’t the children supposed to be in school in May?

ducks for cover

Original poster
Ember12 · 30/01/2018 21:55

Mine get two weeks in may/june because of easter with it been a catholic school they only get one around easter

OP posts:
Nottheduchessofcambridge · 30/01/2018 22:09

If I were a 2 year old I’m sure I’d rather be on holiday with my family. I’d like to spend time in the pool, go on rides, eat out every day. It’s exciting, far more exciting than being over grandmas every day, no matter how much I loved her.

MynameisJune · 30/01/2018 22:13

I feel a bit sad for your 2 year old to be honest. She’ll spend the week doing normal things with your Mum. Which I’m sure she won’t mind but it’s not swimming and spending a full week with her family in some sunshine. She’ll hear her older siblings talking about this holiday from now until you’ve booked it and then again when you come back. I’ve got a two year old, she isn’t a baby anymore. She knows what’s going on. I’m going away for 5 days and leaving her with her Dad. She knows roughly what that means. She knows her Dad works away a lot.

You older kids had 8 and 7 years as only children to do holidays as a four. Then you decided to add another child to your family and that decision meant going back to the baby and toddler days and all the implications that holds for your children. If you didn’t want to deal with that then why even have a 3rd child.

Be honest with yourself. Your sil’s comments made you mad because they hit a nerve and you posted here looking for vindication that she was wrong.

Busymumof6 · 30/01/2018 22:16

Everyone parents differently and as long as a child is safe and looked after who are we to judge others, everyone makes choices to suit THEIR family. I've always told my children if they've got nothing nice to say don't say anything atall. Maybe some posters on here could think about that before commenting on here saying it could damage the child etc. I have 6 young children and i certainly would not leave any of them but that's my choice and i still realise others may choose to do so and that's absolutely fine. What happened to women building eachother up instead of tearing eachother down. I hope u enjoy ur holiday and the precious time with your 2 eldest children OP. I'm sure your little girl will have fun with her grandma.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 30/01/2018 22:16

I think you are kidfing yourself that this is all about the older children but really this looks like you are doing it more for yourself. Sorry if you find that offensive but no matter how much you protest it really does.
Ive taken my children at that age on holiday abroad a few times, and i have an older one 7 years of a difference. It can be hard work but the younger ones absolutely adored the pool. Me and DH took turns to supervise and we did different activities at different times. Older went off with Dad a few times for activities he loved.
It can be done.
You can have a fabulous holiday with your entire family. We have done it many times. I find it so sad that your DP will be left out. She may not remember later but that doesn't justify it.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 30/01/2018 22:20

My children look at the photos of our wedding and complain that they weren’t there. No matter how many times I explain that they weren’t even born, they still look at me with a hurt look. Good luck telling your 2yo why they weren’t invited on the “family” holiday.

Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 22:20

Excellent post kittensinmydinner

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 30/01/2018 22:20

OP came on AIBU thread. Come on, seriously, was anyone, including OP, really expecting everyone to think the same as her and throw in their support and well wishes. When you ask for opinions that is what you get. Some you ignore. Some you think about. Some give you food for thought. And sometimes you see a different perspective you had not considered.

Thierryhenryneedisaymore · 30/01/2018 22:22

Mynameis june

Well said.

Weebo · 30/01/2018 22:25

There is nothing to justify even if one of the reasons is it will be easier for herself and her husband.

No harm will come from any of this.

Ontheboardwalk · 30/01/2018 22:35

I was told when I was 4 I told everyone I wanted to live with Grandma rather than meanie mummy. My poor mother hadn’t done anything just not spoilt me rotten like Grandma did.

If your Mum can get time of work take her up on her offer. I’m sure they’ll have a fab time together.

Maybe treat your mum and dad to a break when you get back to say thanks?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/01/2018 22:38

i now realise i will always get the abandoned child routine from some. But i now feel this is somewhat fair

That's rather dismissive. People have tried to give you the benefit of their experiences.

I feel pretty sorry for your 2 year old. I look at my DD of a similar age and her bond with her older siblings and I can't fathom going away without her and letting her miss out on the fun and spending all that time doing brilliant stuff with her family. And she adores her GPs. My older DC would be horrified at the thought of leaving their little sister behind.

I absolutely understand that some people have no choice - that is very different. But to choose to leave one child at home because it's a bit easier all round?

I'd buy your mother a pretty amazing thank you gift. She sounds like a bloody saint.

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 22:47

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DunnoWhy · 30/01/2018 22:49

Totally agree with MyNameisJune who said it better than i could.

Your older kids had 8 and 7 years as only children to do holidays as a four. Then you decided to add another child to your family and that decision meant going back to the baby and toddler days and all the implications that holds for your children. If you didn’t want to deal with that then why even have a 3rd child

Be honest with yourself. Your sil’s comments made you mad because they hit a nerve and you posted here looking for vindication that she was wrong

SpareASquare · 30/01/2018 22:54

How will you feel when you see other 2YO there with their families I'd probably feel pretty smug Grin

Or alternatively listen to people who've been in the position of your youngest!
I did. I asked my youngest dd if she was traumatised when I took her older siblings to things without her. She looked at me like WTF? Confused LOL

I do sometimes wonder if the hand wringers end up with anxious, fearful children but that is a whole other thread Grin

There are some mothers (yes, mothers because this is a mother asking the question) who would be tied up in knots at the idea of leaving any child for five minutes. Their are parents in here who have not been out for FIVE years for fear of leaving them with someone other than themselves.! *
The reasons are multiple and myriad running from full-on medicated super-anxiety , to those who like to indulge in competitive parenting where mummy martyrdom is a badge of honour.. and every normal point in-between. But whatever the reason you have - can you not also accept that not everyone-wants to parent your way ?

@kittensinmydinner1 Great post.
I am very much the same as you I think.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 30/01/2018 22:56

archeryannie you are absolutely right. I should dismiss my children’s feelings right away, Hmm
They absolutely do know everything is not about them, they can still look at the photos and think that they missed out on something that looks like it was a lot of fun. I’m sure they can feel that way AND know it’s not all about them.
mumsnet can we have an eye roll emoji please, I really feel like I can’t express myself properly without one!

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 22:57

Be honest with yourself. Your sil’s comments made you mad because they hit a nerve and you posted here looking for vindication that she was wrong

AND SHE WAS! Because ultimately this is about the OP’s family dynamic - not the SIL, not all the posters abandoned at 14 months and holding against their parents for life, not any of those martyrs who can’t bear to be apart from their child for a single afternoon. If it suits the OP’s family then she is okay (and right) to do as she pleases.

Rachie1973 · 30/01/2018 22:58

Jobjobjob
Michael because it's my opinion! That's what AIBU is all about!

I've been that younger left behind child, it's shit!!

To be honest they probably didn't like you much, you're not very nice

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 22:59

You said they were "hurt", Notthe. Which is ridiculous.

Rachie1973 · 30/01/2018 23:00

Ember12

Go, have a great time.

BTW... Peppa Pig world Very expensive, very little Peppa Pig.

But the rest of the park is fab, and plenty for your older kids. Its primarily Paultons Park, incorporating the Peppa Pig crap

Hope it helps xx

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 30/01/2018 23:01

I do sometimes wonder if the hand wringers end up with anxious, fearful children but that is a whole other thread

'Hand wringers'? Great. Shall we add that to 'snowflakes,' 'Remoaners' and 'The PC Brigade,' 'Pearl clutchers and all the other tired hilarious names?

I really dislike the Trump-esque name calling on MN, aimed at anyone with a different opinion. It's so bloody juvenile.

Namesarehard · 30/01/2018 23:05

Late to this thread but have to add to it.
We have a 2 year old and two young teenagers. We would never go on holiday and leave the little one behind. It's nasty.
You chose to have another child. That child is an equal member of the family. She will know you've all gone away. No amount of distraction will fix that. One of my older children was away with the school over the weekend. The youngest asked several times where her sister was and when will she be home. No 2 year old is going to be happy missing both parents and siblings for a weeks. This is awful.