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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
00alwaysbusymum · 30/01/2018 17:29

I think that's a horrible thing to to

I've got three and had the same problem but a family holiday is a family holiday, at 2 they are still hard work but you can all have fun

I would of asked your mum to come with you so she can help you but she gets a holiday too

Bluelady · 30/01/2018 17:32

What's a load of crap, Dipitydoda?

beardymcbeardy · 30/01/2018 19:03

I would do it. In fact we are in a way doing it this year. Ds 17 doesn't want to come this year so have gleefully booked family holiday without him. Your dc is only 2 so won't even remember. But instead will get to be applied rotten by granny!

CurlyRover · 30/01/2018 19:26

I gave up reading after page 7.

OP you appear to have taken a massive bashing here.

I am probably BU here but if in the future we have DC, we wouldn't think twice about going on hols occasionally without DSD. Younger DC are not going to miss out on cheap hols during term time when older SD is with her Mum.

So... maybe my viewpoint is skewed here but I really can't see the issue with leaving the 2 year old with your Mum. I think it'd be really good for your older two to get to spend quality time with you without their younger sibling.

Regardless of what anyone here thinks though, it's none of your SIL's business and she should butt right out.

I was the older sibling. It sucked having a baby around all the time. My parents didn't give a toss about me as soon as they had a baby (I was a teenager). I'd have loved to have had some quality time with them without a baby around. Now obviously you care a hell of a lot more about your older two than my parents ever did but from the older siblings pov I'm sure they'd really appreciate the time with you and their Dad.

helenoftroyville · 30/01/2018 19:34

The fact that so many people have posted and feel so strongly about this shows how controversial it is. Hopefully that makes the OP reconsider leaving a family member out of a family holiday.

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 19:42

The fact that so many people have posted and feel so strongly about this shows how controversial it is. Hopefully that makes the OP reconsider leaving a family member out of a family holiday.

What about all the people that think it's fine? Basically ignore all of them because only your way of parenting is right?

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 20:09

Your tone is so dogmatic: 'leaving one child out of a family holiday is just wrong.'

And I stand by it!

Oh well they will have holidays on their own when older! Great AGAIN without their siblings! Again not able to share memories of family holidays.

Believe me it sucks!

Weebo · 30/01/2018 20:11

I'm not sure why OP is expected to listen solely to the people who 'have been that child' when there is so much projecting going on.

An otherwise adored child is not going to be left emotionally bruised into adulthood because they were put into the care of a close, loving relative for a week.

Without some sort of backstory, it would be really unhealthy to hang on to that.

Lellikelly26 · 30/01/2018 20:34

I think it’s unfair on the 2 year old. She’s being treated as an outsider in her immediate family. And she is old enough to notice

kittensinmydinner1 · 30/01/2018 20:36

My god ! I can't believe this thread is still running. I commented last night that I would leave and only look back to wave a cheery bye to little one and granny - I can't believe the level of guilt tripping that has followed !
There are some mothers (yes, mothers because this is a mother asking the question) who would be tied up in knots at the idea of leaving any child for five minutes. Their are parents in here who have not been out for FIVE years for fear of leaving them with someone other than themselves. !
The reasons are multiple and myriad running from full-on medicated super-anxiety , to those who like to indulge in competitive parenting where mummy martyrdom is a badge of honour.. and every normal point in-between. But whatever the reason you have - can you not also accept that not everyone-wants to parent your way ?

I left my first at 6 Weeks to go away with DH for the weekend. I felt not a shred of guilt. I knew she would be completely loved and adored by GPs.
I have a 7 yr gap with my last and there is NO WAY that their opportunities for some non-baby focussed time would be given up because of some ridiculous concept of it 'not being a family holiday without all the family'. She's TWO fgs!! She doesn't have a bloody clue about family holidays all she will care about is having her own way, being with her granny and grandpa and enjoying herself.
Most importantly, your older children who have no doubt had to suffer 18months of Pepperfuckingpig (or whatever it is these days) will get a small reward of entirely age appropriate child-centred time.
Go for it OP and don't be put off by idiotic notions of child neglect .
Your proposing she stay with loving kind and able grandparents fgs not placing her in a communist era Romanian orphanage for a week. !!

Bluelady · 30/01/2018 20:39

Round of applause for kittensinmydinner1.

Original poster
Ember12 · 30/01/2018 21:13

Well i spoke to my mother about peoples suggestion of her coming and as i expected she doesnt want to, we had a good talk and i have accepted her offer and i have nervously and excitedly booked the holiday Smile

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 21:14

Well done, OP. You will all (including your mum and your youngest) have a ball.

duckponds · 30/01/2018 21:14

That makes me feel rather sad. Your choice of course but I hope it doesn’t cause any damage to your little girl

user789653241 · 30/01/2018 21:15

Great, OP. Don't worry. Your 2 year old and grans have great time together, and you and your older children have great time too. Win win for everyone. Smile

LagunaBubbles · 30/01/2018 21:16

That makes me feel rather sad. Your choice of course but I hope it doesn’t cause any damage to your little girl

Oh please Hmm

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 21:18

Good for you, OP! You will all have a lovely time! Flowers

Thebluedog · 30/01/2018 21:19

Do it OP, sounds like a bloody great idea. Your 2yr old will have a fab time at granny’s, will suffer no ill effects and prob not remember it. Your older children will however remember it and have a fab time with you and your dh

BigBaboonBum · 30/01/2018 21:23

Ugh, no. It’s just not fair. You made the decision to have another child so in my opinion means you should wait until they’re older or just take them with. The message you’re sending is that they’re a burden... but that’s just me!

Winteriscoming18 · 30/01/2018 21:23

People fighting over difference of opinions is silly op asked for them otherwise she wouldn’t have posted in the first place.

Bluelady · 30/01/2018 21:29

Brilliant, Ember, commonsense prevails.

Cuppaoftea · 30/01/2018 21:30

2 year old gets to listen to her brothers excitedly chatting about a holiday now with 'no you're not coming with us and Mum and Dad, no swimming, you're staying at Gran's'.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/01/2018 21:30

Great decision OP, have a good time.

Nanny0gg · 30/01/2018 21:31

I honestly do believe it will benefit my older children massively and would be amazing to concentrate on them solely for a week doing things they enjoy

They've only not been 'solely concentrated' on for the last two years...

They're hardly deprived.

MiserableAsSin · 30/01/2018 21:31

I keep hearing about ther mystery mums that work 60 hours a week and are thrilled to have toddler grandchildren over round the clock as well Hmm
A week is far too long for a two year old to be away from their main carer.

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