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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
Curtainshopping · 30/01/2018 16:07

Any child psychologist will tell you to avoid long periods of separation before the age of three. What constitutes ‘long’ is a matter of debate, of course, and some children are more resilient than others. But it’s not something I’d do lightly.

Original poster
Ember12 · 30/01/2018 16:11

Job because i wanted to know if aibu in accepting my mothers offer or was my sil

I have already said i will speak to my mother reguarding both my parents coming along but dont think that will happen as she takes that time to spend with family which isnt just me and mine

OP posts:
Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 16:18

And YABU to accept your mother's offer, not because of the strain on your mother but because leaving one child out of a family holiday is just wrong.

Next time book a holiday that has aspects that suit all your children and that you are happy to take them on.

MichaelBendfaster · 30/01/2018 16:19

Job, why on earth do you think it's OK to talk to the OP like that?

Bluelady · 30/01/2018 16:22

Interested that nobody's mentioned the immeasurable trauma it must cause a child to spend more time with a childminder than it does with its parents week in and week out.

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 16:23

Michael because it's my opinion! That's what AIBU is all about!

I've been that younger left behind child, it's shit!!

MichaelBendfaster · 30/01/2018 16:24

Your tone is so dogmatic: 'leaving one child out of a family holiday is just wrong.'

'Next time book a holiday that has aspects that suit all your children'

You're ordering the OP about.

jarhead123 · 30/01/2018 16:26

Its not my ideal holiday without all my kids there, but if thats what you want to do then go for it :)

taskmaster · 30/01/2018 16:26

Its not wrong. It's whatever suits your family.

Why do people feel qualified to say what is ok for other peoples kids?

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 16:28

Taskmaster op is asking for people’s opinions. That’s the whole point of the thread.

00100001 · 30/01/2018 16:30

OhCalamity

"I don't remember breakfast. I remember her lunches and dinners were similar to my mothers' but tasted differently. I couldn't tell the fucking time so I've no idea what time she put me to bed. hmm

She had a little tartan shopping trolley and we used to go hand in hand up the road to her little row of shops to get the groceries. Once or twice a week she would lift me up to see over the counter and let me pick out an ice-cream. That was a big treat because we never got it at home. There were three flavours - strawberry, chocolate and vanilla.

She wore one of those nylon housecoats in navy in the house and it had either red or yellow flowers on it, but it was floral.
I don't remember if anyone visited her, but she did bring me to mass and I remember a lot of attention on me those days. That enough for you?"

No, it's not. i remember my granny used to always have strawberry ice cream after dinner. She would always give us green jelly. She would save us all the yellow wine gums. she would always have tea in a little china cup with a Robin on it. She used to have little brown slipper shoes that had velcro, and I used to stomp around the house in them. She had a budgie named Charlie.

that isn't the same as remembering vividly what happened at 14 months old for one week when I stayed with her Confused

taskmaster · 30/01/2018 16:30

yeah, but there's giving an opinion and then being a total dick about it.

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 16:33

Any child psychologist will tell you to avoid long periods of separation before the age of three.

Separation from whom? Solely the mother, or can the child stay with the father? And in which case, why is paternal grandparents who see a child weekly an issue?

It's not like OP is dumping a child with a stranger.

taskmaster · 30/01/2018 16:35

Any child psychologist will tell you to avoid long periods of separation before the age of three

Any child psych will tell you that a week with a loving grandparent isn't even slightly a problem.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 16:36

yeah, but there's giving an opinion and then being a total dick about it.

People are entitled to their opinions; you don’t have to agree with them or like them.

GetYourRocksOff · 30/01/2018 16:36

I've been the left behind child, I can remember it. Yes I had a great time with granny but it sucks. They talk about an amazing holiday, even years later, and I feel crap.

I have a similar age gap op. I wouldn't leave one behind.

All of them yes, but not one.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 16:37

Getyourrocks my sister was that child too and it still effects her now. I guess all experiences are different though and I’m
sure OP knows her child ALOT better than we do.

PasstheStarmix · 30/01/2018 16:38

affects

OhCalamity · 30/01/2018 16:48

HollyBayTree & 00100001

Believe whatever the fuck you want if it makes you feel happier, I don't care.

Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 16:49

OP knows her child ALOT better than we do

Exactly. OP, some people have been downright nasty, rude and hysterical on here.

Only you know your child and your mum well enough to make the call. Oh and I don't think there is anything so terrible in admitting you want a bit of relaxation on holiday. You will get the martyrs who say you can't relax on holiday with young children but maybe they don't have the family support that you do.

Having good relationships with grandparents is fantastic for children and if that means you are comfortable leaving them in their care then even better.

ZanyMobster · 30/01/2018 16:58

YANBU to accept your mum's help and trips away without kids are great, kids miss us and we miss them but everyone has a fab time on holiday or with grandparents.

Your brothers girlfriend is outrageously unreasonable and it's none of her business.

However I do find it odd to go away leaving one of the kids, different if a teenager doesn't fancy it and can stay behind. We go away at least once a year without the kids but can't imagine taking 1 without the other. We've taken babies to theme parks before and it's no trouble really, the pushchair is handy for carrying things on Grin

DunnoWhy · 30/01/2018 17:01

I haven't read the whole 14 pages of the thread but here's my tuppence worth: personally I would not leave my youngest behind. I would not be able to relax and have quality time because i would think about my youngest, worrying if she's missing me (I would assume that yes she does), if she's upset etc.( I just assume the baby is a girl for no specific reason)
I know that a child that young, cannot make reasonable assumptions and to her, not being with mum is an unusual situation where she has no idea if it's temporary or not. All she'll think about, is that mum is not here and not sure why and not sure if coming back to me again. The rest of the closest family are not here either, so to her it's a stange situation to be in. Stressful.
When you come back, expect her to be distant towards you and a lot clingy and tearful. It'll make you feel bad and you would remember that feeling long time after.

Whether she'll remember being left behind in the long run, i wouldn't know. But it definitely will create stress for her in the short run.

Your mum might do a wonderful job but a child age 2, needs her primary care giver more than anyone else.

Personally i wouldn't leave her behind for that period even with my own lovely mum, unless it's absolutely essential. And in your case it's not essential, it's a luxury, in my opinion.

Wouldn't it be lovelier to go as a whole family, have photos with all of you are together, to remember this in the future. I'm sure whatever stress you'll have when baby is with you, will be forgotten about in a few weeks or months time but lovely menories and family photos will remain.

Dazedandconfuzzled · 30/01/2018 17:09

Do what you want it's your life. I couldn't do it. I would feel selfish because no matter which way it's spun, leaving the youngest makes it easier for you. Which is fine if you are fine with it. My dd had to stay with my mum for 4 days cause I was ill and my dh was away with work. For the next 2 weeks she climbed into bed with me every night and became very clingy so I think on some level young kids are affected no matter how cared for they are. Obviously you know your child and your mum so only you can choose if it's right for you.

gluteustothemaximus · 30/01/2018 17:25

I must live in another world, if people can afford to take children on various separate holidays Grin

If we’re extremely lucky, we’ll have one short holiday, for all of us. So we have to find a holiday where we can all have fun.

Dipitydoda · 30/01/2018 17:28

@Bluelady no one has mentioned it because quite frankly it’s a load of crap lol!

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