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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week Smile spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:
MrsNjie · 30/01/2018 14:08

Go - enjoy your holiday!!
We have a 10 year old and soon to have a baby... my 10 year old is desperate to go to Barcelona and I will have no problem leaving baby with my mum for the weekend.. babies and sight-seeing/football matches/walking tours do not mix and would be awful for all of us.

You will have opportunities to go away with just your youngest when they're a bit older and the older 2 can stay home I am sure. For example Peppa pig world and the likes which would be boring for the older kids. SIL Just sounds bitter - and is in no position to judge as they went away without their kids?!

OhCalamity · 30/01/2018 14:15

WonderLime That wasn't my point at all. I was responding to people who said that a 2yo would not remember - that's all.

She would likely stay and have an absolute blast with her granny but may or may not remember the stay.

Only the OP knows how well granny and the toddler gets along and whether or not the 2yo would be bothered or miss them and she should make her decision based on that, not on the assumption that a kid absolutely wont remember something.

helenoftroyville · 30/01/2018 14:16

I would happily leave the kids at home for a couples break (weekend not a whole week though) but, leaving the inconvenient child at home and taking the other two is unfair.

Can't you find a family holiday that the whole family can enjoy together?

CuckooCuckooClock · 30/01/2018 14:18

My parents and older brother left me behind once. My gps, who I adored, came to stay. They bought me a blues harmonica and a tape of lessons and I learnt to play it as a little project whilst my family were away so I must have been older than 2 but I can't remember how old.
I barely talk to my mum and brother now and see my dad occasionally. To me the fact that they could happily go on a family holiday without me meant that they didn't really enjoy my company and it hurt me terribly. It's not the only incident in my very disfunctional family, but it is one story that has made people recoil in horror when I tell them. My family had a great time and I heard many stories about that holiday over the rest of my childhood that upset me very much.
Personally I think it's too big a gamble to risk causing your dc that kind of pain for the joy of being able to relax around the pool.

Tiredmum100 · 30/01/2018 14:20

It's not really any of your sis in laws business. If that's what you your oh and mother have agreed then it's between you all. She's either angry as she thinks your putting on your mother or jealous as she wants to do the same and you've got in there first or disagrees with what you're doing. No I wouldn't leave one child at home to be honest. The guilt would be too much. I once took my eldest to the cinema without the other one and felt awful about that let alone a holiday. But that's me. We're all different and our dynamics are different. To be honest I've just re read your first post and you have made it sound like the 2 year would be a bit of inconvenience if they came on holiday with you. I could understand a day or two at a theme park but not a whole week.

MichaelBendfaster · 30/01/2018 14:24

Your brother's GF needs to be told to wind her neck in.

People on this thread judging away can fuck right off too.

Mummyontherun86 · 30/01/2018 14:28

I wouldn’t. I don’t think it’s awful, I just would either have childfree time together or have a family holiday. I’d worry about the children not having bonding time. I would also be least likely to leave my youngest as they are least able to cope. That said, it’s obviously entirely your choice. You know your children far better than strangers off the internet. I’m old enough to realise that judging other people’s parenting decisions is a mugs game! Make your best gut decision and stand by it.

QueenDramaLlama · 30/01/2018 14:30

This is essentially a pool/waterpark holiday, what's not suitable about that for a 2 year old as well as 9 and 10 year old? With two adults there's no reason why they can't take turns on theme park rides with the older two while the other parent does something one on one with the youngest. Then swap over

This isn't about the older kids missing out, it's about the adults wanting more time to themselves. And a very hardworking Grandma doing the one on one care with the 2 year old instead of the parents while the youngest also misses out on lots of fun in the pool and quality time away as a family with her parents and siblings

Agreed. It's easier for the adults if the 2 year old is left behind, that's all. 7 years isn't even that big of an age gap. I have a 2 year old that I just couldn't imagine leaving behind, she is one of us, we chose to have her.

gluteustothemaximus · 30/01/2018 14:36

This isn't about the older kids missing out, it's about the adults wanting more time to themselves.

I do agree. The older ones can amuse themselves while parents relax.

That's fine, if that's what you want to do, but it's under the guise of 'I can do more with my older kids if little one isn't there'.

We've done swimming and theme parks me and DH, just swopping over. We have a 6 year gap and an 8 year gap.

But each to their own.

And back to the point of the thread, it is nothing to do with SIL.

BertrandRussell · 30/01/2018 14:43

So it really is about all family holidays being pitched at the interests and abilities of the youngest. In the example from my family I gave earlier, my dd would have had to miss out on the wild camping adventure because it would have been too much for her much younger brother?

Dipitydoda · 30/01/2018 14:50

personally I wouldn't really want to be away from my child that long - overnight for a romantic break - lovely - a week away when you decide to take the two children who are not inconvenient with you and leave the third one home - no, how awful. How long will the baby be inconvenient for? Would you consider spending a holiday doing baby things all week and leave the other two at home so they don't moan and spoil the fun. you have had a third and decided to go through the baby years again - live with it

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 14:52

leaving the inconvenient child at home

Except, Helenoftroyville, the OP had planned to take her youngest on holiday until her mother offered. There's no suggestion that she had planned to dump her youngest as "inconvenient" at all, and it's unfair of you to suggest otherwise.

minipie · 30/01/2018 14:53

No Bertrand no need for elder to miss out, one parent goes wild camping and the other stays with 2yr old. Parent misses out maybe but neither child does.

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 14:55

minipie that makes no sense. One child in your scenario is still staying at home with a beloved close relative. What's the material difference here?

BertrandRussell · 30/01/2018 14:58

Have you ever been hill walking and wild camping with two 8 year olds? It needs two adults if it’s going to be anything like fun or safe.

And there are plenty of less extreme activities where 2 adults make all the difference between fun and slog.

minipie · 30/01/2018 14:58

Yes, true Archery. I suppose the difference is that wild camping and hiking isn't really something a 2 yo would enjoy, nor would it really be feasible with them in tow. Whereas the OP's holiday sounds like the kind of thing a 2yo would love - albeit require lots of supervision on.

tootiredtospeak · 30/01/2018 15:05

I think everyone is missing the point the OP isn’t a bloody child abuser but has been swayed by what is clearly the easier option but is it the fairest. Most people’s objections/opinions is that older children can choose if they want to attend family holidays and if they decide not to go to Peppa world and they’d rather stay home with a family member that’s fine.
But a 2 year old cannot decide doesn’t have a voice may miss Mum and Dad and where does it stop next year they are 3, older kids 10/11 it’s not going to change. I think it’s selfish sorry.

helenoftroyville · 30/01/2018 15:08

The holiday sounds very enjoyable for a 2YO, although a lot of work for the parents.

How will you feel when you see other 2YO there with their families?

field10 · 30/01/2018 15:17

I wouldn't do it but not because your sil said something but because it isn't a family holiday if one of them isn't there. There is plenty to occupy young children at these sort of places. With more than one child they will all have to sacrifice some time with you that is an unfortunate fact. Maybe think a different way and take your mum with you so you can have the odd day away but you won't miss out on making important memories with the little one as well.

LittleLionMansMummy · 30/01/2018 15:48

So it reallyisabout all family holidays being pitched at the interests and abilities of the youngest

Bertrand you persist in saying this and it simply isn't the case. It's perfectly possible to do a holiday where all adults and children's interests are catered for, although I'm talking from a two-parent family perspective. We do things together. We do things with each of the kids, alone and/ or together - depending on the activity. Our older child knows that on a family holiday he gets to do some things he likes, some things we like and some things for his 14mo sister. There are four of us, we switch and swap. Sometimes we have to invent some fun for the toddler while ds is climbing large walls or diving into a wave pool and sometimes ds plays with his little sister in the toddler play pit. Sometimes they're both bored shitless because me and dh want to visit a castle (I would say stately home, but that's another thread) or whatever. It's called compromise. In no way since dd was born have we ever solely pitched something to her interests and abilities.

I agree that the op shouldn't get a hard time for taking her older kids away. It's not my choice and she asked for opinions. But please don't think that anyone who chooses to take the whole family away is favouring one child over another.

bullyingadvice2017 · 30/01/2018 15:51

Get gone, I would in a heartbeat. Little one will have a great time and older kids get to have a week of you not having to cater for little one all the time.
Makes a very different holiday and everyone's happy.

Jobjobjob · 30/01/2018 15:52

*Christ alive the melodrama.

Ember, do yourself a massive favor and hide this bonkers thread, go spend some time with your older children while the little one is spoiled by granny and never look back. *

Or alternatively listen to people who've been in the position of your youngest!

I think you'll select the first option.

Why ask AIBU if all you do is defend your already made decision?

Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 15:55

job there are plenty of people telling the OP to do it.

Skowvegas · 30/01/2018 15:55

I would. We often do trips as a part family- I took DC to Port Aventura when DH was in India with work, I used to take them to Boston without DH, we sent DS to Panama by himself to stay with his grandfather, I’ve taken DD to London, I sent DH/DS to Disneyland Paris without DD and me when she was a baby and horror or horrors, DH and I once went to WDW without DC!

We often do trips as part family too - usually when one of us goes back to the UK to see family. I can't afford to pay for five flights, but I can usually afford to take one or two of my three children.

One holiday I went to the UK with one child, while DH took the other two to Florida with him - he had some meetings and they were looked after by a babysitter (which basically involved swimming all day).

Another holiday we left the older two with grandparents, then we flew 3000 miles with the baby to go to a family wedding and stayed there for a week.

I've also sent my children without me to England to stay with grandparents.

Oh the humanity. I never thought about how I'm traumatising them :-D

HollyBayTree · 30/01/2018 16:03

ohCalamity thats called False Memory Syndrome

I clearly rememeber being in my pram at 6 months with my cousin poking me - except I don't - But I've been told so many time this happened that I have created a memory, much like you and your 14 month despondency. I'd suggest you like guilt tripping your family!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_memory_syndrome#Evidence_for_false_memories