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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 2 year old at home?

999 replies

Ember12 · 29/01/2018 22:10

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

OP posts:

falang · 30/01/2018 12:53

Wordlime I take annual leave to look after my grandchild and do so gladly. I love the opportunity to spend time alone with her.

Original poster

Ember12 · 30/01/2018 12:54

New year this isnt the only family holiday we have one in may

OP posts:

ThunderboltsLightning · 30/01/2018 12:57

Surely not @falang ? How on earth do you cope? As a grandparent, shouldn't you be doing a cross stitch with your feet up in front of old episodes of Morse? Admit it, you're coerced into having your grandchildren aren't you? Your children can't wait to dump their kids on you and run for the hills to get pissed!

Marriedwithchildren5 · 30/01/2018 12:57

How do all the Hand wringers feel about sending kids away to places like Ddisney or PGL with Brownies/Cubs etc?

Which clubs are these?? Are they subsidised?? On a serious note I would not send my child with a kids club to another country. That's not hand wringing. That's just a little out of my comfort zone!!

newyearsameme80 · 30/01/2018 12:58

And is that one more suitable for the two year old?

OhCalamity · 30/01/2018 12:59

What did you have for Breakfast, lunch and dinner each day you were abandoned? What time did you get put to bed? What clothes were you wearing each day? What was grandma wearing? Who visited the house that week?

I don't remember breakfast. I remember her lunches and dinners were similar to my mothers' but tasted differently. I couldn't tell the fucking time so I've no idea what time she put me to bed.

She had a little tartan shopping trolley and we used to go hand in hand up the road to her little row of shops to get the groceries. Once or twice a week she would lift me up to see over the counter and let me pick out an ice-cream. That was a big treat because we never got it at home. There were three flavours - strawberry, chocolate and vanilla.

She wore one of those nylon housecoats in navy in the house and it had either red or yellow flowers on it, but it was floral.
I don't remember if anyone visited her, but she did bring me to mass and I remember a lot of attention on me those days. That enough for you?

BertrandRussell · 30/01/2018 13:01

My ds certainly remembers his holiday with granny aged 3. He remembers going to the railway museum “as much as I wanted” and “green ice cream” - his first experience of pistachio. Granny remembers the railway museum too, but I think she’s nearly recovered.......

SugarRush123 · 30/01/2018 13:03

I would definitely do it! DD will almost certainly have a better time with her GPs than she would being shlepped somewhere far away and taken out of all her routines. Whilst we’ve always travelled with ours and had lovely holidays abroad when they were babies and toddlers, those holidays were mainly for DH’s and my benefit and the DCs don’t remember them at all.

Pre-teen children on the other hand get a LOT out of a family holiday. You may not have that many years left when they want to do things with you, so it’s a good idea to make the most of it now. They are still young enough to need parents to accompany them to water parks etc. In a couple of years’ time they’ll be more independent and you’ll be able to focus more on DD, who will also get more out of the experience by then. Her siblings may even take her on water slides etc. I took my DB to a theme park when I was 16 and he was 8, it was awesome!

For those who think that it’s unfair, have you considered that the youngest child is likely to get many holidays alone with her parents once the older two have left home? My DB continued to go skiing with our DPs for years after they’d stopped taking me as I’d moved far away and had my own life. As a result he’s a much better skier than me, but that’s life!

Go for it OP! It looks lovely je a win-win for everyone (including your parents) - except for jealous SIL but who cares!

SugarRush123 · 30/01/2018 13:04

It looks like a win-win!

Original poster

Ember12 · 30/01/2018 13:05

Whether it is or isnt that isnt the problem we had originally planned to take all 3 children on the holiday in question and my mother offered to look after our 2 year old.. were taking 2yr old to peppa pig world for Easter does that mean i should drag my 10 year old who doesnt want to go?

OP posts:

PaddlingShoes · 30/01/2018 13:08

I think it's a fab idea. I have 2 older and 1 surprise one much younger and as they all like different things, we do different stuff with them. No biggie. We leave the older ones with their cousins who are the same age and take our little one to the seaside (UK) for a week, eldest to Paris, second goes to a caravan or Disney with her friends, etc. No one misses out and it's not a big deal unless you let other people make it so. Have a lovely time! (My mum looked after my child when he was an only child aged 2 and my DH and I went to New York. My LO had a fabulous time, as did my parents!)

FoodieToo · 30/01/2018 13:22

Oh I wouldn't OP ! I have 5 kids and when my now 9 year old was 2 we left him for 2 nights with my Mum while we went to Alton Towers.

He really missed us. How did he know where we were? He didn't know if we would be back.

Mum said he woke up in the night sobbing for his dad!!
And he wasn't a clingy child by any stretch.

I just wouldn't enjoy a full week away. You have 2 adults going . You can take it in turns to do stuff with the 2 year old.

Also can't see how your mum would have energy for a 2 year old when working so hard!

Bluelady · 30/01/2018 13:27

Mum's 50, there are parents of two year olds not much younger than that.

greeeen · 30/01/2018 13:37

Some of the replies on here are baffling to me. Can people really not see that just because they couldn't be away from their child for a week that doesn't make it a terrible thing to do. That cocktail comment was obviously not totally serious, why take it in the worst possible way?
OP I would go for it, as you have said many times, it's not your only family holiday and will benefit your older children. The 2 year old will no doubt have plenty of other times where the activities/holidays are centred around them. Don't be guilt tripped.

ArcheryAnnie · 30/01/2018 13:47

were taking 2yr old to peppa pig world for Easter does that mean i should drag my 10 year old who doesnt want to go?

You will be setting your 10 year old up for a life of trauma and therapy if you don't drag her/him along, OP! Don't you know, if it's a family holiday ALL family members have to attend!

(I don't drink, but Peppa Pig World is the one family holiday when I might consider hitting the cocktails....)

InDubiousBattle · 30/01/2018 13:48

I honestly don't know of a 2 year old who would be completely thrilled and excited at being without their parents and siblings for a week. My 2.6 year old is a confident little thing who adores her Aunty (the only family we have left her with)., as does my 4 year old. They are totally happy to stay the night with her but start to miss us by lunchtime the next day. A week would be far too long.

I also wouldn't enjoy the holiday at all without one of my dc. I'd pursue the idea of taking your mum with you or say thanks but no thanks to her offer.

Trinity66 · 30/01/2018 13:49

It's none of her business, its your mom not hers

HonkyWonkWoman · 30/01/2018 13:53

I agree with kittens just go for it and tell Sil to pipe down. Also tell her that you will spend as much time with your Dm as you want.

WonderLime · 30/01/2018 13:59

OhCalamity Putting aside the fact that your post is bullshit, that would be your 'experience' of being left with your granny. That doesn't account for all under 2s and some will absolutely love it.

newyearsameme80 · 30/01/2018 13:59

The difference being that you can ask the ten year old what they’d want to do and respect their answer.

Dancergirl · 30/01/2018 13:59

A week would be far too long

For YOUR children. Every child and family dynamics are different.

thegreylady · 30/01/2018 14:00

As a grandma I would love to be asked to go away with dd and family as a babysitter and I’d happily pay for the privilege. So many people don’t understand how lovely it is to be needed for granny duties.
It sounds as if your mum divides her time fairly. She offered to have the baby you didn’t ask and I think she , and your dad , would jump at the chance of coming along. They’ll have some child free time I’m sure and will relish doing toddler things with the 2 year old.

tootiredtospeak · 30/01/2018 14:00

Nope not for me sorry a couple break yes but to go away as a family without them. No no no suck it up that’s what happens when you have little ones and I speak from experience having a 16 5 and 1 year old they won’t be little for ever take turns to do rides etc

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 30/01/2018 14:02

God OP I don’t know what you should do about the holiday, that’s up to you, but can I just say your family sounds amazing and I hope you realise how lucky you are! Actually from reading your posts I think you do realise it.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 30/01/2018 14:03

I absolutely would go on holiday and let granny spoil your 2yo. It will totally cement your 2yo's relationship with granny and give them lots of lovely memories. You can then give some one-on-one time with your oldest children.

Just because granny is looking after one, it doesn't mean they'll be abandoned, they'll have lots of fun, doing toddler age things, lots of one-on-one play and attention.

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