To leave 2 year old at home?

[Ember12]

Me and my oh have been discussing going on holiday with the children in in late august, i was telling my mother about it and she offered to look after my 2 year old for the week spoke to my oh and he thought it was a great idea he would ask his parents to help my mother out that week aswell, we would be be able to go to theme/water parks and take the older 2 on rides etc without one of us having to stay with the baby. Would be able to relax alot more around the pool ad my older two are very confident in water. Anyway were having holy hell over it all with my brothers girlfriend what awful and selfish parents we are and how my mother is playing favourites! My mother works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week and takes turns looking after all her grandchildren 1 stays each sunday night so no favouritism at all! She looked after my brothers children for 3 days while they went on a short break. Aibu in accepting my mothers offer? Or does it really make me a selfish and awful mother?

What about it being fair on your mum?! She's agreeing to give up her annual leave to make your holiday easier and you're actually considering letting her do it?Beggars belief, really

The irony is if I didn't consider this if my MIL offered, so would be utterly devastated. She cannot wait for granny-baby time alone

Gosh ,no that's harsh ...

Good god, Ember - I'm older than your mum and dad! Which makes all the "you are hustling them into an early grave" stuff even funnier.

They clearly want to get their mitts onto your baby for the week, and I don't blame them one bit. (My DS is a teenager, and I adore him beyond all reason, but it's lovely to scoop up my friends' younger children when I can!) Go enjoy your holiday.

The 2 year old is not going to remember anyway and you get to do a lovely active holiday with the rest!

My family went on holiday and left me with Granny when I was about 14 months. I remember it distinctly that they were gone and I missed them all terribly. Plus I was very sad and confused, albeit well taken care of.

When I got older and I saw all the photos of that trip, I felt even more rejected knowing that I was offloaded at the time to someone I barely knew because I was too much hassle to bring along.

I'm in my forties and still vividly remember being left behind. And it still feels like shit despite knowing that my parents did it for practical, logical reasons. I actually think it caused me some interpersonal issues.

@taskmaster yy. How many threads on mumsnet from posters who have no family, no family childcare support, can't cope, really struggling. OP has two sets of supportive and loving GP but is borderline neglectful for nurturing that relationship.

My parents live 5 minutes away shes see them all the time and every sunday one of us makes dinner for the rest of the family.

Sil problems are more to do with mine and my mothers relantionship we are very close as she is with all her children but i am her only daughter so have alot more in common etc than my brothers who in turn are closer to my father but she treats all granchildren as fairly as she possibly can.

Go for it, what has it got to do with your brother girlfriend, none of her business. She is being looked after by her grandma. Go and enjoy yourself.

I think it's a great idea. You have a lovely wider family who are willing to support you - and indeed offer to do so.

Your 2 year old will have a holiday with grandma and will probably do age appropriate things with her. Most children have fond memories of their grandparents looking back - so perhaps you could look at it this way. I would imagine she's used to being with her grandma, (no issues with being left) and as far as I can see it would benefit everybody.

No one else's business really - and especially those who sound jealous about it. (Brother's girlfriend?)

I would go without a seconds hesitation.

I have two older and one younger child with SN. The older two have to curtail stuff a lot because of the younger one. They don't resent him for it, in fact they adore him. But they do miss out. They also have the family dynamic where I am more stressed and tired due to youngest SN and complete non sleeping. I don't see why you wouldn't take up the kind offer to have your child.

Fair is NOT everyone having exactly the same. Fair is making sure needs are met. Including your own.

OhCalamity, I was left with my granny for a week when i was 18 months old and wouldn't have known this if I hadn't been told about it. Your post is ridiculous fantasy.

I've never met anyone who could remember anything at 14 months.No doubt major trauma could have some effect but you wouldn't remember and this child is being care for by grandparents that love her.

OP, I can't believe the amount if projection and hand-wringing going on over this

Yes. And as for the comments that the 2 year old will have issues and end up in therapy?? Bit of an insult to people who are actually in therapy. How on earth can random strangers predict the personality of the OP's child?

I do think being left with one's adoring grandmother for a week whilst my family were elsewhere, when I am too young to remember it much or indeed at all, is highly unlikely to have lasting issues.

Nope couldnt do it.

Theme parks have rides for small children.
Water parks have rides for small children.

Its called taking turns. The older children go on a ride, whilst the youngest watches.
The youngest goes on a ride, whilst the older ones watch.

Day trips. Ive done long, boring, educational day trips with a 11 month old and a 5 yo. I made it fun for BOTH.

Just because your mum offered, doesnt mean you have to take her up on it.

Christ alive the melodrama.

Ember, do yourself a massive favor and hide this bonkers thread, go spend some time with your older children while the little one is spoiled by granny and never look back.

You are not an awful, selfish parent - As PP said many parents do similar things when there are large age gaps without anyone becoming traumatised - I imagine there would need to be a lot more going on for that to happen.

I'd do it!

It's not like you're leaving a 12 year old behind and going to Florida with your 9 and 10 year old :/

Go for it OP, have fun.

Probably given her age the last time that you can.

ohcalmaity you VIVIDLY remember behing left behind at 14 months old???

Or did the photos and stories prompt you to remember?

What did you have for Breakfast, lunch and dinner each day you were abandoned? What time did you get put to bed? What clothes were you wearing each day? What was grandma wearing? Who visited the house that week?

How do all the Hand wringers feel about sending kids away to places like Ddisney or PGL with Brownies/Cubs etc?

My family went on holiday and left me with Granny when I was about 14 months. I remember it distinctly that they were gone and I missed them all terribly. Plus I was very sad and confused, albeit well taken care of

Utter bullshit. you did in your arse!

Every time I read 'family' on this thread it is in Peggy Mitchell's voice.

I got left behind with my aunt once, not for the same reasons, but because I had chicken pox. I had THE BEST time. I had my aunt to myself.

If everyone's happy then go for it. Of course you are a family and the older ones just have to accept that baby is part of that, but since you've been given the opportunity to spend some time doing things that are harder with a toddler then why not?

Whether Calamity really remembers being left or not, she certainly feels badly about it now - which could happen in this case too. If it were for a weekend or a city break or tour of French battlefields or something inappropriate for a lo - but water parks and pools are totally fine for small children as long as a parent is with them. You could book somewhere with a kids club if you wanted some time with older ones.
This is the only family holiday and I think the whole family should go on it.

My family went on holiday and left me with Granny when I was about 14 months. I remember it distinctly that they were gone and I missed them all terribly. Plus I was very sad and confused, albeit well taken care of

What medical journal have they published your story in, because this indeed would be a modern miracle! We do not have formed memories of events before the age of 3, before this we do remember them when young but not as adults Im afraid. You're telling porkies.

OhCalamity, I was left with my granny for a week when i was 18 months old and wouldn't have known this if I hadn't been told about it. Your post is ridiculous fantasy.

It's not. I've distinct memories of being with my grandmother on that visit - certain things we did that were independently verified by my mother some years later - an ice cream shop, or going to get her messages. I remember sitting at her table, just us, eating dinner. I remember going around her house looking for my parents and siblings and feeling really sad.

Any other trip to hers, the entire family went and it was a houseful.

I always thought that I was about 4 or 5 until I was much older but found out as an adult that the time frame corresponds to the summer -specifically June- of that year, when my parents incorporated house hunting with that holiday. And I have a picture of myself and granny waving my family off and my mother has written on the back "Calamity (14 months) and Granny June, 19XX

My point is that while children rarely have memories that young, it is possible, particularly if they are traumatic. I had met my grandmother exactly once before that trip so I was in essence handed over to someone in a strange place (and different country!) for several weeks and I must have been affected in even a small way in order to remember. And my gran adored me. She loved having me and it appears that I enjoyed it too - she certainly spoiled me - but I DO remember being sad and confused and wondering where my family was.