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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give neighbor internet password?

712 replies

NegansDollFace · 29/01/2018 21:21

I’ve lived at my current address for 3 years, 4 in November 2018. The house next door is split into two flats, one upstairs and one down. So I’ve never been particularly close to my next door neighbors. We exchange (limited) pleasantries if we see each other and they’ve taken in a parcel for me once and I for them a few times. They work night times and there’s a bit of a language barrier so we legitimately don’t have any relationship beyond polite.

Tonight when I was at our local supermarket when I saw neighbor from the upstairs flat, I smiled an acknowledged him but moved to go to the self checkout. He followed and began a conversation asking how I was, fine, fine but when I ask him how he is he tells me not so good. He goes onto explain that downstairs neighbors have moved out and took their internet with them. I can already see where this is going so he asked if he could have my WiFi password and that he was willing to pay for it. I was put on the spot so I told him I’d speak to him when I’m home.

I’m home now and really am hoping the fact that I haven’t gotten back to him will speak for itself. What would you all say/do? I have incredibly bad social anxiety and I’m very awkward in these situations. Am I BU to just tell him no? And feel like he’s being cheeky? Surely if he shared internet with the flat below they’d have told him they were moving so he’d have time to get a different provider? Also if he’s willing to pay to use mine wouldn’t it just be easier to get his own installed?

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 29/01/2018 23:39

Do these people live directly above you, OP? Or above and above?

Not that anything would make me think you should give the fuckers your Wifi PW.

Janus · 29/01/2018 23:42

To avoid any confrontation why don’t you write them a note and popmit through the door tomorrow morning -
‘I’ve had a chat with my internet provider and they will not let anyone else use the internet I pay for. If they suspect I have done so they will terminate my contract. I therefore cannot give you my password.’
Or any of the other good reasons people have given you. They’d shouldn’t come around then. If they do then say something like ‘please read my note, I don’t want to discuss this again’ and close the door.

NegansDollFace · 29/01/2018 23:43

DD is up now because of banging. Going to be s long night.

Butchy, they live in the upstairs flat next door to my house. Their living space and bedroom would be next to my bedroom. 😪

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 29/01/2018 23:45

They must be desperate without the internet. I wonder how desperate they'd have to be before they actually paid for it, like everyone else?

Withhindsight · 29/01/2018 23:45

Tell them you are terminating your internet connection, email your agent/landlord detailing what they are doing- every time they do it-swamp them for action if you need to. Hopefully you won't need to involve the police. As they are intimidating you, it's because they want to use your wifi for bad things which will come back to bite you- tell them you didnt want to share it, but didn't want to say no to them so have stopped having wifi- so there's no reason for them to continue being twats

BulletFox · 29/01/2018 23:46

Can you and dd sleep on the sofa tonight?

Or phone Council OOH...?

They're batshit crazy.

WishingOnABar · 29/01/2018 23:49

Do they actually think this kind of arsehole behaviour will get you to do them a favour? If you were considering it I’d say now it’s a big fat no.
Dont engage with them either if they cone back, they are obviously deranged. Just say no and close the door.

bunbunny · 29/01/2018 23:51

There's a reason the wife came down to say that the dh had told her that you had said yes - if the husband had come down, he would have had to have asked you if you would give him the wifi and you could have said no.

By sending her down, saying 'thank you for letting us use your wifi' they were sneakily manipulating you so that they had changed the default position from you not sharing and having to do something to actively share it, to the default position being that you are sharing and that you are having to say that you didn't agree to them using the wifi - which with typical British nervousness and reserve can be a difficult thing to do.

They know this - it's why they didn't come down and ask 'can we use your wifi' because that is the position that gives you the upper hand. They have changed it around to the position that they know gives them the upper hand.

Either put a note through their door or be ready to tell them that you can't share your wifi - you have looked at your wifi contract and you would invalidate it by sharing it with them, which you are not prepared to do. However, you are using Virgin and found them good/bad so do/don't recommend them and they took about 3 days/week/whatever it was to set you up and running after signing up with them. And that if they look on the comparison sites there are some very good deals at the moment in the run up to the end of January (no idea if there are or not, but there are always some deals around and lots of them seem to have a deadline of the end of January as the can use some spin of January Sale as their tag line to pull people in).

That way you're giving them the answer that you can't hare wifi, but rather than stopping there and giving them a chance to badger you, you're moving the conversation on to places that they can get wifi from, and talking about good deals available, so you're being helpful...

if they continue acting dreadfully, and if they continue to badger you, I'd talk to the landlords, just to say that your neighbours seem to have problems sorting out their own wifi and are trying to pressure you into giving them your code (it's not even sharing as I'm guessing that they're not offering to pay anything towards it, not that you'd want it as you don't want to share and indeed shouldn't be sharing, particularly with virtual strangers), but again it is another example of how they are being CF and manipulative - talking about sharing but expecting you to give the password out and pay nothing in return.

And just spotted that they are banging on your wall (started this reply earlier and got distracted when ds woke up) - definitely record it on your phone. Do you have a tv you could put on quietly for a few moments and show the volume on or something that you could do to show how noisy they are?

Started to make recordings and notes of what they are doing and when, starting with basic interaction over christmas, then talking to the dh at the supermarket, the dw when she came down to talk to you, the deliberate misrepresentation of the facts, the banging on the wall and so on - so that you can report them for the noise as as well as for harassment.

Dixeychick · 29/01/2018 23:51

I'd just embarrass him by asking repeatedly why he's asking / why he can't pay for his own WiFi / why he thinks it's ok to ask for access to yours when he could set up & pay for his own...? The more awkward you make him feel the more likely that he'll drop it. And if he has no shame & doesn't drop it - say no, you think it's really inappropriate! Or if you're too shy to say that find a useful scapegoat to blame such as DP.

ButchyRestingFace · 29/01/2018 23:52

Butchy, they live in the upstairs flat next door to my house. Their living space and bedroom would be next to my bedroom.

But they're not directly above - or are they?

It sounds bad enough as it is. What a pair of cunts. Flowers

sahknowme · 29/01/2018 23:57

Probably too late for this, but you could tell them it's broken, give them the password, but disconnect the Internet connection. Then they'll be able to connect up, but with no Internet.

Or get an IT techie friend to set up your router to only allow your devices access to the Internet and block all else. The give then the password.

incywincybitofa · 30/01/2018 00:01

Dixeychick is the most effective solution if they can afford to pay you they can afford a contract or dongle

Ribbitribbit001 · 30/01/2018 00:02

Embarrass them for being cheapskates, truly tragic.

BulletFox · 30/01/2018 00:02

Butchy I think the netcunts are level with OP's upstairs bedroom/bathroom and the downstairs of OP's house is adjacent to the other flat (so 2 flats next door to OP's house)

alotalotalot · 30/01/2018 00:03

Just ignore. If you give a reaction they will do it even more. Be civil and polite but stay firm.

captainjackandjill · 30/01/2018 00:11

I'm only on page 3, but wanted to weigh in as I'm concerned about your situation OP. Apologies if this has been said... Do you have a landlord? You may want to send a message letting them know that the neighbours made this suggestion demand twice, and then implied that they could hear your daughter at night suggesting a possible complaint if you didn't agree. That way if they do turn around and make trouble for you with the landlord, the LL will be already aware of the situation. Just a thought...

Hope you get through this ok, always frustrating being pestered like thisFlowers

000bourneFarm · 30/01/2018 00:12

No, of course not - if he downloads something dodgy it'll go back to your ISP and you'll have the police on your doorstep.

Is it possible someone in his household may have been banned from owning a pc or laptop etc due to a dodgy criminal record? In which case why would you even contemplate them accessing your electronic footprint?

SandAndSea · 30/01/2018 00:16

1. ...partner of upstairs neighbor come to the door and saying thank you for sharing my internet with them... she’d come to collect the code.

2. ...telling me she’d give me tonight to think on it as it would help her DP and herself out.

3. She then asked how my DD was and if she was still waking at night as they can hear her.

These all sound to me like she was playing you.

Now she's banging on the wall, I would keep a record of events and if it continues beyond tonight, call your council re the noise disturbance.

Consider dialling 101 if it gets bad tonight.

As for the internet, I think you've done really well so far with this. No need for any explanations or excuses, just keep saying no. These people are not your friends and they are not reasonable or trustworthy.

Luxi · 30/01/2018 00:16

Put in an email to your landlord or the agency that deal with them everything that has happened, should they want to raise a noise complaint you have got in there exactly what has happened before them, making them look like shits!

I know what you mean about the saying no, I suffer with mental health problems. The mums met me what's to tell you to tell the cheeky bastards to do one, the real me would be stood there awkwardly wanting to say no but some how going along with it LOL

I think it's very sneaky how he told his girlfriend you had agreed when you hadn't, then sending her down there for it. That's bullying! And the banging... how sad, it makes you wonder why they are so desperate for your wifi password, and what exactly they are using it for!

WishingOnABar · 30/01/2018 00:18

Hope you are both ok OP, their behaviour is very aggressive

Springtrolls · 30/01/2018 00:24

Cannot believe a few people have suggested popping it on a letter and through their letterbox. Ignore this advice.

I don't buy the credit check reasons, there are one-month contracts. There are payg phone contracts that you can tether.

Unfortunately, some people in society have been banned from having access. And to my suspicious mind, I would wonder if they fall into this category.
I am not saying everyone is to be distrusted, but if they are willing to pay why not get their own rather than relying on buying through others.

I give out my password to a neighbour when theirs was down but I know this person. I give the password to guests in my home. However, because I have trust issues, they only have guest access and are limited to what they can do.

ObscuredbyFog · 30/01/2018 00:34

No, of course not - if he downloads something dodgy it'll go back to your ISP and you'll have the police on your doorstep

Don't let them have it. Don't let them into your house for any reason.
If they wanted legitimate use of wifi they would get their own, they want to use yours to avoid paying and to avoid anyone tracing their internet use. It's far too dangerous for you, say No and keep saying No. Repeat and repeat, no, they cannot use yours.

If you think they may have somehow worked out what your password is, change your password every day.

NotTerfNorCis · 30/01/2018 00:38

Tell him to get his own Wifi. You don't know what he'd be downloading. If he can pay why would he need yours?

SavvyBlancBlonde · 30/01/2018 00:44

Did she say that they’d give you tonight to think about it? As a veiled threat? And then are banging on the walls?

Nope. They will come around in the morning as they have brass necks. Tell them that the banging on the walls gave you a lot to think about and it’s a no with a report of harassment. You can’t help the noise of your child at night but they can stop the banging.

And start a diary as unfortunately I don’t think that they will stop as you have something they want and they’re bullies.

SavvyBlancBlonde · 30/01/2018 00:45

And change your password if it’s the standard default that came with the wifi. Alphanumeric is best with upper and lower case.

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