I'm expecting dh to do simple things?

[whywonthedostuff]

Need a rant.

Ok so he does do a lot. He works full time whereas I'm a stay at home a Mum. And he works hard. Manual labour that also has quite a lot of responsibility.

And he's not a 'wifework' type. He's happy to cook (is actually way better than me) and do any cleaning tasks that he's asked.

But. That's the issue really, I usually have to ask.

So today, in two toilets where the toilet roll has run out he's just got the new toilet roll and balanced it on the old roll. He does this EVERY. TIME.

He cooked breakfast. But has splashed pancake batter all over the kitchen, used every utensil and dropped a lot on the floor. He'll happily clean it up IF I ASK.

Ds wanted to watch a dvd. He kept changing his mind. So dh took 10 or so out of their cases and has just left them lying around.

The bin was full. So as he does every time he's crammed everything down so the bag has split. So now the bin needs cleaning. Again, he'll happily do it but won't notice it needs doing unless I say how gross it is.

He took the washing out of the washing machine. He knows some of the stuff I put in for me and ds can't tumble dry yet he did and it's shrunk.

He will rarely remember to wash any of the pet's bowls.

When I left him in charge of he cat litter box (I couldn't get down the steep stairs where it was kept) it got absolutely revolting. I realised when they both started pissing around the house.

He's taken ds out of the house before without a coat (when really cold) and has in the past forgotten shoes!

Ach. I'm not after any ltb's. Just a rant so I don't end up yelling at him. He works his fingers to the bone and does his fair share around the house. Neither of us stop. He's never so much as raised his voice to ds and has done the last two years of night time duty (I had a hellish 3 years of breastfeeding so feel it's evened up .)

He just has massively different standards of hygiene than me (most people I suspect.)

All of these things on their own don't even sound bad really. It's everything together. The house would be a pit and we'd all just eat shite if I left him to it.

Honestly, I love him to bits but if I'd known what a fucking slob he can be I'm not sure I'd have married him.

I've tried nicely taking, Ive freaked out, I've tried showing him articles about mental load. He'll be great for a day then back to 'normal'.

He does work unbelievably hard and at times his job is so stressful, it's not the amount he does, but I feel like I'm the one responsible for physically carrying this family and sometimes (usually when I have pms) just want to run away.

Obviously he feels all of the financial strain (as my in laws love to remind me weekly ) I just wish the dozy fucker would get his head out of his ass and SEE things.

I meant this to be sort of lighthearted and still do but have actually gotten more angry writing it down!

Sorry that was long. I kind of started the thread in a 'look all funny yet annoying things dh does' and got annoyed half way through.

I guess I'm just looking for some sympathising in the whole 'mental load' bullshit.

YABU he sounds great to me. Yes it would be great if he saw things but if you notice stuff and ask & he does it I think that's ok

WHile you totally have my sympathy, as I have a DH very similar, I'm afraid I don't have the answer. I will put stuff on the bottom stair to be taken up, he will step over it, he will do anything if I ask him to, but never sees what needs doing. It drives me nuts sometimes and I know he won't change, so I just have to remind myself how hard he works (he also has a stressful job) and I just think his head can't cope with thinking of anything else on top of his workload. I look forward to any replies that offer a solution 😬

I massively sympathise. My OH is amazing, he works and helps with our twins but he doesn't do the simple stuff. He'll take the bin out but never put a bin bag in so just leaves stuff on the side near the bin til I get to it.
He puts a wash on but never takes it out so at 9pm I'm finding a washing machine full and he hates using the tumble dryer over night so everything has to either sit in the basket overnight or be hung out on the airer. Have you ever hung out Baby socks on an airer it's ridiculous.
I deal with the mental load of what to feed the babies now they are on solids which is a constant stress of what to feed and when. He always offers to read up on it and help me work it out but never actually gets round to it.
In other words I feel your pain. They are amazing partners but also pains in the arse

So your husband is the happy go lucky type and you are a bit less laid back. I bet that's why you married him in the first place. He's probably loads of fun.

Lots of men can't be bothered with such exacting cleanliness. When I got stuck abroad when 9/11 happened, my ex couldn't be bothered to change the duvet cover or sheet. By the time I got home it looked like the Turin shroud and it smelt. Gross!

Sounds like you need a night away and feet up, with someone else cleaning up.

Sounds normal to me 😁🍷

On the plus side because by your own admission it doesn't warrant LTB, at least he will do what you've asked without a fight.

I know it's still v.annoying but I've read threads on here where men still refuse to any household chores when asked.

Also sounds like you need a break - can you organise an afternoon/night out with your friends?

Turin shroud!

All found my people! Dh will ask step over stuff to take upstairs or downstairs.

One of my is when he does MOST of the washing up but leaves anything that looks remotely hard 'to soak'.

I do think it's partly that his mind is filled with work stuff. He absolutely cannot multi task. I don't think he could if his life literally depended on it.

I did marry him because he was laid back! All shits and giggles until you have kids, pets etc.

I'm going to arrange a night away next month. First in over four years. Can't bloody wait!

When I say 'to soak' when I came back from two weeks away with ds everything that had been put to soak from the day id left was still soaking.

I think you doing the mental load is fair if he is working FT. Would annoy me if he took the children out inappropriately dressed for the weather but if he's working and doing the nighttime wake ups that sounds like a lot...

Yes it's irritating. My way of dealing with it is not to expect anything. That way you won't get disappointed.

I don't mind doing 90% of the mental load. It would just be so nice to be able to not have ALL of it on my mind.

Like going away, he throws some stuff in a bag and walks out of the door.

I have to prep for a week. Honestly, the animals would all just starve.

Just went out to the car and his take away rubbish has been left in it since Wednesday so fecking STINKS.

But then he made me breakfast in bed.

Yesterday he took the dog out for a wee and somehow forgot what he was doing, came back in and didn't think of it for two hours until a neighbour rang saying she'd run to their house (1 mile away.)

I also found a stash of dirty washing he'd hidden in the basement. (Why I'll never know.) It actually made me retch it stank so bad.

But then last night he ran me a bath and lit candles.

He's absolutely amazing and the catch of the year in most respects. Just the fact that he's a scuzzy, scatterbrain!

I do sometimes worry he's getting early onset dementia. I don't know so much about it but his Mum has it and her Mum had also.

So he works full time, does all the night time wakings and also does all the cooking and a lot of the house work, just not to your standards? And you’re a stay at home parent?

The division of labour doesn’t seem very even. I think you’re in the favoured position here

We have a lot of animals and big gardens. I may be a stay at home Mum but as I said, we both are on the go most of the time. We're up at sunrise and don't usually chill until 9. I'm not sat watching tv eating chocolate.

And as I said, I did night times for 3 years. I got so sleep deprived I nearly lost my mind. So yes he's doing night wakings for a while.

When did I say he does all of the cooking? I'd say we do probably 70/30. I do more as I'll sometimes make dinner early in the day if I get time.

YaNbu. Working full time and being a man is no excuse for leaving pancake batter all over the floor fgs. I thought we'd moved past the times of men being excused from their ineptitude because they WORK. Would he leave his workplace in that state? Probably not!

Ffs women on this thread, raise your standards! Fully functioning adults can run a bath and take the rubbish out. Cats get really upset if they can’t wee in their trays because they are so dirty - it’s cruel.

My dh has wrote himself a list of jobs to do so he doesn’t have to ask me and he doesn’t forget. It’s not rocket science. He’s done that because he loves me and he doesn’t like me being tired and annoyed because of doing shitty little housework jobs all the time.

Threads like this annoy me. YOU MARRIED THIS MAN.

I'm assuming your wedding day wasn't the day you met.

No but I hadn't lived with him. We dated internationally and when he stay at mine he was on his best bloody behaviour.

I think deep down you know he's not pulling his weight but you're trying to gloss over it. He's absent minded probably cos he feels he shouldn't be doing that kind of shit. He's s lazy disrespectful fucker if he leaves two weeks of dirty dishes to soak whilst your away. See him for what he really is and then have a good long talk with him about how he's going to change. No matter who's actually working and bringing in the income there should be a basic respect between partners, I really don't think he respects you

No but I hadn't lived with him. We dated internationally and when he stay at mine he was on his best bloody behaviour.

Well more fool you then. Your mistake so stop bitching about it and deal with it.

Ah he sounds fab OP.

My dp is also fab. But annoying.

He will wash pots but use loads of washing up liquid and the brush rather than the cloth so misses bits. He also leaves stuff soaking.

Or he fills the sink with tepid water, flithy unscrapped plates and the washing up liquid squirted in top of the water.

He takes the bins out ridiculously early. 8am on a sunday morning when they don't get collected until 7am monday morning. Then looks sad when I move them back.

He can't find anything ever.

He will bath ds but leave the bathwater in and put non matching pjs on him despite there being loads of matching sets.

He comes in from work, puts his flask doen somewhere odd like the cabinet in the room then ask if it's been washed.

He cooks on a Saturday night but shouts through to me for what time stuff will be done despite the fact there is a wall clock in the kitchen.

I love him to bits. He is kind, loving, a fantastic dad and works his bollocks off for us.

But he just does stuff at 80% and it annoys the fuck out of me. I think a lot of it is because I do the majority of the housework and know that if I do half a job or a bodge job it will need doing again and end up taking twice as long. He just doesn't do enough house stuff to have felt the consequences enough times to learn.

Maybe once he is retired and is doing it all ( he is 10 years older than me) he will understand a bit better.

Omg @Frouby the mismatching pjs! I put them away in sets and he still puts fucking mismatched ones on!!!

The washing up he also uses half a bottle of dish liquid and an entire tank of hot water.