School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

Thanks Pigflewpast.

There is a lot of comments about teachers and heads doing no wrong. My 6 year old had 2 brilliant years of school and in 6 weeks of the new school year a new teacher and nasty head had traumatised my daughter so much she was having 3 seizures a week and her hair was falling out. Lots of neglect and abuse being claimed by lots of children - at least 9 different children. We wrote a letter as a group of parents but because I delivered it I was targeted. They contacted my employer and placed a formal complaint because I picked my daughter up in my uniform every now and then. My employer told them where to shove their complaint. Unfortunately the governor was also under their thumb. The school now declares parents are not allowed to talk about the school or its teachers negatively amongst themselves or they will call the police! Utter BS that teachers are always right.

As I said unthread, anyone can claim to be anything on here, just saying

Who are you suggesting is lying about their credentials, Pigflewpast?

There is a lot of comments about teachers and heads doing no wrong.

Direct quote please.

Agree with pig

Advise them the kids weren't training for the world cup, and to fuck right off and stick their astro turf right up their collective arses! Shambles!

Yes, TouchMyBum, that attitude (amongst a few other recent posts) tells everyone exactly why Head Teachers are increasingly refusing to see parents off the street without appointments.

Phew, just read it all and can’t believe it! Good on you for complaining OP!

Sarahrellyboo1987 that sounds awful. They are really bullying you. One thing we found, husband and I both police background, was that Heads are great at telling you what the law is, they seem to think the law of the playground is the same thing. Had to explain that to one Head who asked my GS if he had been annoying the boys I had just seen assaulting him. I pointed out that it didn't matter how annoying he was they had no right to put their hands on him and either he dealt with it or I would be calling the police. He decided to deal with it.

It is a shame that a minority of teachers and Heads get a bad name for them all.

Glad you seem like you will get answers OP

This is ridiculous, hope you get it sorted OP.

grannytomine
I think what they were getting at is that there is a middle ground between believing every word in a child's story as gospel and saying thry are all liars who should never be listened to.

I've raised concerns about staff when their treated students in my form unfairly and that has included reporting one colleague to SLT.
I have also had parents' backs when they have had very good reasons to have issues about staff.
Equally, experience tells me that students can play down what they were doing which led them get into bother and cover for each other (and that is true of good kids and typically naughty ones, just good kids tend to be chancing their arm and to quote one of my tutees 'there's a chance it works so it's worth a try' whereas more disruptive/habitually naughty children do it with more attitude). It isn't awful to say that.

MaisyPops no that isn't awful but that isn't what Pengggwn said is it.

Pengggwn may I ask how you manage to post on MN all day whilst you're meant to be y'know, working...?

That's what i thought she was getting at.

As in 'in my experience i have seen students minimise what they have done so it's reasonable to consider it might not be as simple as some boys having a harmless laugh. There is a chance that spme of the boys were being rude and disruptuve'.

Maybe i'm being charitable but that's the overall thing I picked up.

Ask to see their whistleblowing policy.

I've only read the OP's OP.

• ending training early - U
• putting your son in the kids' club and not leaving any information about where he was - U
• leaving children unsupervised after cancelling training - U
• leaving children in the cold after cancelling training - probably U (definitely U if it was 90 mins. and they didn't have tracksuits, etc.)

However, moaning at the school about the punishment for the kids being rude to the coach and misbehaving - U

I would be very clear when dealing with the school that your complaint is about the safeguarding and the unprofessional attitude of ending the training session early (the first incident) and leaving children unsupervised when they were being punished.

I would also look for a new team for your DS.

Maisy I think you are charitable. She said she hasn't ever known a teacher tell a lie so without evidence she would take the teachers side. So a group of children tell her something like we have been sat outside on a bench in football kit in cold weather for 90 minutes and the coach (he isn't actually a teacher) says no they haven't so he is obviously telling the truth because it is the children who lie.

That wouldn't happen in any other employment that I know of.

BlockRockinBeats, yes that explains it and it is dangerous and worrying.

Take it further. No way should your son have been put in after school club because training ended early. Sitting in the cold for over an hour is also dangerous as they risk hypothermia. Definitely try and get photos of the coach on his phone. He is responsible for those children and should not have his phone out at all. My head teacher would sack me on the spot.

I try to be charitable where possible.
To use this knowledge to then assume kids must, therefore, be lying on most occasions, is very dangerous and worrying.
I agree.

I think the OP on here has been great actually and most posters (other than the usual few of call ofsted! Start a witch hunt! It's child abuse! ones which always make me on school threads) have been quite constructive.

My default position in a situation of 'staff says student has misbehaved' is to accept at face value what the teacher says and then speak to the student. If the student starts with 'i didn't even do anything ...' etc then my next replies are usually a mix of the following depending on the situation:

• ok so why would miss/sir make that up? - it's a lot of work to do the behaviour stuff, why would thry want to do that?

• ok, you say you hadn't done X (usually challenging a small detail). Teacher asked you to do Y. Did you follow all instructions for tjis task?
• i appreciate you say you were just asking a question, however did sir state this was an assessment in exam conditions? In which case question or not, you were talking.
• ok, so run me through your take on it?
• can I just clarify that you are telling me that... ?
• that doesn't sound right to me. Can you walk me through it again so it's clear in my head.

More often than not (in my experience) I tend to find it's:
A) Good kids messing about a bit and chancing their arm by minimising (e.g. they kept talking to their peer during a test... probably about the work because they are good kids but the exam was in silence ao they were in trouble for speaking during a test, not as they present it 'asking a question'
B) Typically disruptive child who would do any number of disruptive things and then try and argue out of it on what they feel are technicalities (e.g. i was sent out for going to sharpen my pencil! But actually there's at least 5 other issues in the lesson and they were sent to isolation in another class because they repeatedly disrupted class and had a poor attitude).

Sometimes it really is staff being out of order and that rightly needs dealing with, but otherwise nice kids being kids and trying it on is part and parcel of teacjing secondary at least.

Did they still have a detention today?