School want a letter of apology

[GlassesOn]

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

I don't think where they were anyway has an effect on the severity of the punishment. Adult's responsibility to realise the obvious consequences of their actions.

If a child is made to sit outside in the cold wearing shorts for 90 minutes, they're still in the cold for 90 minutes.
The reason they're sitting out there isn't going to make them any warmer.
Schools act in loco parentis. If it's cruel for a parent to discipline a child that way, it's cruel for the school.
The effect on the child is the same, no matter the reason or who is doing it.

A slight update:

The after club manager phoned me a 3pm today, she was very nice and said that I had missed out a 2nd form I was meant to complete to process the complaint (I printed it off their website and attached my letter). I’m clearly an idiot.

She said the headmistress could have a meeting with me if I wanted it but when I asked if I wasn’t happy with the answers she was going to give me, could I carry on with the complaint?
So I was placed on hold while she checked that info and confirmed that yes I could proceed with the formal complaint route, if the meeting doesn’t clear up my concerns.
But she asked me to put the complaint on hold for now.

I let her know that I’m free on Wednesday as I have the afternoon off.

I told her to pass on the message to the HT that I’m not going to come in looking to argue and she said ‘you just want answers’ I said ‘yes, exactly’. So maybe they are finally getting my concerns? Who knows

They certainly would give a shit about a child being made to sit in the cold cold in shorts for an hour in January as punishment. Whether they were previously inside or not. And I say this having a very close relative who is a senior social worker.
Ignorance or malice it is still abuse. If you are caring for a child for eg and you genuinely don't know that not feeding them all day would be harmful it is still abusive. Ignorance of what kind of behaviour is abusive is as much of a reason as malice in a lot of cases. As has been shown on here by some people who think this was basically ok if the child was being very cheeky.

And I honestly doubt you're actually a teacher so we can agree to disagree on that as well. I've never met a teacher who communicates using phrases like 'duh' and 'boring!', seemingly has no awareness of safeguarding and manages to constantly post on Mumsnet during school hours!
But for whatever reason that is the character you like to play so crack on...

It does sound as if your son has been badly treated BUT the thing is - what's going to be the best for him. My experience - from 5 schools - is that if the head is behaving like this leave well alone. They are not going to back down because they would look such a fool.

I would talk to him about sometimes having to put up with things that are just not right - big life lesson here - and I would draft the letter for him.

No it's not right but what's best for him ?

I don't understand what a complaint about the football coach has to do with the after school club manager though? Those are two totally separate things.

"The Head is behaving like what?" No one has heard from them yet; the meeting is Wednesday.
And bluemirror: have you never heard of part-time contracts? I am most definitely a teacher and yet have been on here today as I don't work on Mondays. Is that OK with you?

MissEliza the after school clubs manager is in charge of the after school clubs such as gymnastics, chess, hockey football, debate mate etc.

It's separate from the 'Kids Club' which is for children who stay after school (up to 6pm).. that has a separate manager who is based in the Kids Club. Hope that makes sense.

Yes I get it now. Thanks Op.

The school has a Complaints Policy (it's statutory) and in this there are guidelines for response times which they need to stick to. You ought to be able to see it on their website or get a copy emailed to you. Note any delay in sending this out. Note any deviation from the policy in their actions and responses to you. Official complaints have to be logged for inspectors so it will irritate the HT and create a bunch of additional work for them.

As this is quite a saga, and the Head has accused the children of lying, my instinct is to document the whole sorry business and send it to the Chair of Governors. I would avoid comments like 'I think it's very wrong that my son was sitting in the cold ' etc, as perhaps the shorter and more concise the letter the better it will be. There are several issues here; a duty of care from the coach, and his apparent lack of interest in carrying out the duties that he has been paid to perform, an assumption that you will pay £10 for a few minutes of supervision that you hadn't expected or asked for, the inappropriate punishment ; this all needs to be addressed.

Is the meeting just with you and the HT or will other parents be going?

Hi OP, all schools should have a published complaints procedure on their website. Failure to do so is against regulations.

You should meticulously follow the official complaints procedure, in writing, which is usually an initial written complaint to the HT then to the chair of governors if the HT’s response is inadequate. You should make sure you quote you are following the official complaints procedure.

I would also suggest you advise OfSted of the difficulties, or at the very least quote that you will inform OfSted, and then if they do not give an adequate response then follow through with that. Again a copy of their most recent OfSted report and details should be published on their website.

You may also wish to file an official complaint with your local authority LADO (Local authority designated officer) as a safeguarding complaint regarding the boys being left out in freezing conditions for an hour as a punishment as this is abuse. This will be taken seriously by the LADO and will be investigated officially.

You should also team up with the other parents and ask if they would be willing to do the same. Good luck.

No WAY. !!! ..heres how it works.When you are "less than happy" with anything involving your child,you try to keep the heid(stay calm)and query it until its not even an issue. This whole thing is kinda bizarre. i'd have put the place up in the air and possibly head hunted then crucified the coach for the dipping out early n abandoning your child. ...the next bit is horrific. your right sitting idle in cold is wrong..its been handled incredibly badly from there.you can probably google local child protection ethics and values.even if every child is lying through their teeth the head has opted for a very jimmy saville esq approach....all the kids gave same/similar account and were called liars.no no get it sorted no.goodluck x

I’d be contacting your local county safeguarding LADO with concerns that the school is clearly hiding inappropriate punishments.

In addition to the terrible punishments and ridiculous charging for kids club, i am very concerned about the sports teachers use of a mobile phone around children.

I work in a primary school and our safeguarding policy has recently been updated to ensure that - due to cameras being on phones- no one is to use a mobile at all in the school grounds when any children are present. As staff we also have to ensure that any visitors/ inspectors also adhear to this rule at all times!

Your son sounds like a good laugh - that would have made me giggle too. The coach was acting like a spoilt child and I would raise the matter with the governors - he is clearly out of his depth. Getting them to sit down all session I would say was an unhealthy and inappropriate choice of punishment. I would remove your son him from the club and tell him he displayed the wrong attitude and this is the consequence of that.

Well, okay, if the low for the day was 4 degrees, what was the high? Because at 3.30-5pm, when training was on, it's unlikely it was 4 degrees, if that was the low for the day. Depends on lots of things, at my GSs school the playground is freezing most days, it is next to a common with winds coming off the sea and in the afternoon when we pick them up it is in shadow. I have rarely been warm enough when waiting to pick him up.

Write a letter to the local governing body. The school has to give you the address by law. They’ll soon sort their childish shit out.

I can't say the same about any teacher. Pengggwn, my DDs old Head would say the same, the teacher doesn't lie. Well we had two years of hell, my DD had been bullied the previous year by some girls but she moved into MrsXs class and she was a bigger bully than the other kids. She was her teacher for 2 years. Lots of examples but finally we were in a position she couldn't get out of. They were all on a school trip, a bully saw my DD sitting on the edge of the swimming pool and swam over, held her ankles and pulled her into the pool and basically tried to drown her. Mrs X watched but the Chair of Governors was present and intervened. He confirmed what had happened.

I phoned Head and told him I was coming in to discuss. A friend told me Mrs X was standing at the front gate crying waiting to speak to me so I sneaked in the side gate. Had discussion with Head, it was backed up by Governor. Mrs X said she didn't intervene as she "Thought they were all playing." Yes right. Head now finally listened to the other issues and his words to me were, "We have let your daughter down, she has half a term left here and I will do anything I can to make her last weeks here positive."

Mrs X left her alone, she wasn't nice but she did try to make excuses to DD, not an apology just excuses. DD listened and didn't reply.

There are bad teachers.