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School want a letter of apology

674 replies

GlassesOn · 28/01/2018 11:19

My year six son got picked for his schools football team, the team train one day a week and sometimes have matches on those days too. (We all pay £30 per term).

The football coach is quite young, a bit impatient, never speaks to the parents, even after a match, quite dismissive when the boys try to talk to him and I’ve seen him mostly on his phone during training pausing to look up to comment how rubbish they’re are playing is one example.

There have been a few incidents that I haven’t been completely happy with and I told my son I didn’t want him to go back to the team after Christmas but he said he wanted to stay on the team because he had friends in the team etc

First day of January training my husband turns up to pick our son up at the Astro turf pitch (in the school) but no one was there... my husband was confused and went round the school to find them, as no notice had been given to us that training would be held in another place.

After 5 minutes, he found our son in the after school ‘kids club’ because training had finished early (for no reason we’ve heard yet,) he was placed in there as he wasn’t allowed to hang around on his own to wait for his dad, we were told we were being charged £10 for this.

My husband explained to the kids club manager about the training finishing early and if the training had finished at the advertised time on their website then our son wouldn’t have been put into kids club, she agreed to leave off the charge.

Last week my eldest picked her brother up and was told no training had taken place at all, as during the warm up some of the boys were laughing and joking and as punishment they had all been placed on benches in the playground and sat there for over an hour.

My daughter said my son was freezing cold and I phoned the kids club to clarify what had gone on as I was still at work.

I was advised to email a complaint as she wasn’t in charge of the after school clubs, just the kids club which I did.

I received a phone call the next afternoon while at work and got a barrage of attitude by the after school clubs manager, she told me she had investigated the incident throughly that the coach said the kids were acting like animals and put them on the bench until they were ready, I told her I would accept what you’re saying until I’ve spoken to my son again when I got home and if this was the case why didn’t he make them all run around or do some sort of physical exercise as their ‘punishment’? That’s what his old coach used to do if one of them played up, (run around the pitch 3 times etc as that soon made them calm down.“)

It was near freezing that evening and if I stuck my son in the garden for an hour and a half to sit on a bench as punishment I’m sure social services would be called by the school.

I then asked about the previous incident of the coach just packing up whenever he feel like it and she said reconsidering it now she would be charging us £10 for that, as my son wasn’t signed out until 4.50pm even though it took 5 mins for my husband to find where our son was as no note had been left to say training had finished early or moved to another area, but she didn’t want to discuss that.

The head teacher also pulled all the children into her office and told them that they are lying about the incident and it hadn’t been just giggling and that the coach said that they were really naughty.

They have been instructed to write a apology letter to the coach, they also miss their playtime on Monday and are barred from playing on the Astro turf pitch for the rest of term.

So even though all of them say it was just a bit of giggling they are being punished for weeks on end and that’s (after the original punishment of sitting in the cold) & missing their training. Oh and they’ve also being threatened by the head teacher that their year 6 PGL place may be taken away from them (we’ve paid nearly £400 for the trip).

It’s basically the boys word against the coach and the head teacher has decided that the kids are lying.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for clarity regarding the two incidents? I’ve told my son he isn’t going back to training but this time he is also okay with it.

Or should I just let it drop? WWYD?

OP posts:
RadioGaGoo · 29/01/2018 07:01

So if I am understanding correctly, your staff, through your careful training, accurately detail behaviour issues and then the school does nothing with that information? So the child is not correctly disciplined, or correctly disciplined, but the parent hasn't been informed correctly by the school doesnt and the teacher takes the brunt of that?

If I have understood that correctly, how bloody disheartening for teachers.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:02

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RadioGaGoo · 29/01/2018 07:02

Maybe not nothing, but does not convaying the full story.

RadioGaGoo · 29/01/2018 07:04

Thanks for the insight Penggwn. I'll bear that in my mind for future.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:05

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Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:05

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BoneyBackJefferson · 29/01/2018 07:07

MiddleClassProblem
It’s quite unlikely 4 separate children aged 9-11 could all stand by a lie...

I have seen this done (not saying that it is the case here), it is why so many issues at school are so hard to sort out.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:11

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Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:19

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MaisyPops · 29/01/2018 07:23

Pengggwn
I hate emails like that.
Like what part of it is an assessment do you not get?!

I keep the child in at break anyway with the ok of my HOD and then warn them/SLT to expect a phonecall from thr parent. If the child doesn't do the detention, I follow thr behaviour policy. If that means they miss an after school, so be it. Usually SLT step in at that point and decide the child will be in isolation.
Then SLT deal with the fuming parent (who probably started a MN thread about how their child was put in isolation for only asking a question).

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:24

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MaisyPops · 29/01/2018 07:37

Pengggwn
I knwo exactly where you're coming from.

In the OP's situation, I do think the coach responded badly. I do think that the OP should speak to the head about a number of operational issues.

However, i find it hard to believe someone would cancel a whole session on account of a little bit of laughing and joking. Not saying it's her child, but there has to be a bit more to it.

2 students in my tutor group are absolutely adament that the other 'genuinely didn't do anything' when I go through behaviour logs. They are both very nice pupils but they can be silly/lazy and it always tickles me when they go straight to each other's defence (on one occasion they weren't even in thr same lesson! Grin)

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 07:39

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WinchestersInATardis · 29/01/2018 07:53

I must say that I really dislike the assumption that the children are probably lying from certain posters.
Being accused of lying by an authority figure when you're a child can be deeply upsetting, especially if the thing you're accused of lying about is something nasty that another adult did.
This happened to me when I was about the OP's DS age. It was bad enough that the incident happened but being angrily told I was lying (and getting detention for it) was deeply shocking.
Assuming children usually lie and punishing them for it teaches them that they're not going to believed if they speak up about an adult behaving badly.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 08:02

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JingsMahBucket · 29/01/2018 08:11

Wow, this persistent attitude that kids must be lying instead of the teacher/adult...didn’t Pink Floyd do a song about this extreme authoritarianism about 40 years ago? No wonder there are still so many (sexual) abuse and safeguarding issues in some parts of UK. The adults still don’t believe the kids even though there has been tonnes of evidence otherwise over the decades. That’s unfortunate.

WinchestersInATardis · 29/01/2018 08:18

There have been quite a few posters who've implied that the children are automatically going to try wriggle their way out of trouble by lying or exaggerating about the coach's actions.
I do understand that it's not always easy to get to the bottom of what actually happened but this was my experience as a child which is why I shared it.
And I do think there are plenty of teachers and heads who do automatically take a teacher's side if they don't have proof either way, along with dismissing parents who complain as just not wanting to believe their precious child could do something wrong.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 08:24

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Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 08:27

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Shadow666 · 29/01/2018 08:28

Not everyone is good at teaching kids. I can quite believe the coach is having trouble managing behavior. The school really needs a member of staff to supervise and manage discipline etc while keeping an eye on the coach.

WinchestersInATardis · 29/01/2018 08:51

No one has said that children don't lie or that you shouldn't believe your teachers, but you do need to recognise that if you accuse a child of lying and get it wrong, even for minor incidents, they will lose trust in you to believe them when they speak up.

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 08:53

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differentnameforthis · 29/01/2018 08:55

Who'd want to take football training for a bunch of rowdy ten year olds. The guy deserves a medal well it's his job, so I guess he wants to "take football training for a bunch of rowdy ten year olds" otherwise he is in the wrong job.

And a medal? Nah, I don't think so. Not for doing your job!

Pengggwn · 29/01/2018 08:57

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RadioGaGoo · 29/01/2018 09:00

Although normally for being outstanding in their job.