Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To think DH should have walked the dog?

115 replies

Seeingthings38 · 28/01/2018 09:40

Currently six weeks pregnant following fertility treatment. I'm the first to admit that I'm an irrational, hormonal wreck right now. I'm also coping with epic levels of exhaustion and barely able to drag myself through the working day.

I was that tired yesterday that I couldn't even get out of bed. DH wanted to go watch his football team play with his DF. I said no problem as I'm not very entertaining right now. All I asked was that he walk the dog at some point as I didn't think I'd be able to manage it. He didn't walk her before he left and when I reminded him said he'd do it when he got back. However he came back with his DF and they chatted on the sofa for a couple of hours. I reminded him again when DF left that dog hadn't been walked, but he still didn't take her out.

I was awoken at 5am by DH going to the loo and saw that dog had dirtied on bedroom floor (she sleeps in here with us) Totally not like her and a direct result of her not getting her walk. I therefore had to clean it up and I've been wide awake ever since. I'm a very poor morning sleeper and once I'm properly disturbed that's it.

AIBU to be foaming at DH? I asked him to do one simple thing and now I'm suffering because he couldn't be arsed. I should add he's still sleeping away soundly I should also add that dog does normally get a good walk every day (by me) so this was definitely a one off for her.

OP posts:

Feb2018mumma · 28/01/2018 10:59

We've had our dog for 5 years, husband insisted on a active dog even though I wanted a lap dog becuase he wanted to get fit with it, I have walked the dog every day for the 5 years he has probably walked him about 20 times! I don't know what men think with dogs! I'm now 37 weeks pregnant, so tired and still guilted into walking him (my dog sits by front door crying waiting for a walk and it's like emotional blackmail), husband is off at weekends but he likes to run and says the dog slows him down so I don't even get weekends off! I have no advice except you aren't alone, men just don't understand that walking dogs isn't a choice!

FreudianSlurp · 28/01/2018 11:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HuskyMcClusky · 28/01/2018 11:03

Stop being bellendish and stick to the matter at hand ffs

You can’t see the relationship between being arsed to look after a pet and being arsed to look after a child?

Maybe you’re the ‘bellendish’ one.

Almostthere15 · 28/01/2018 11:04

People can be really mean. I don't think you can extrapolate from one shitty day a. The DH will be a terrible father and b. The dog is having a terrible life.

But OP I never, in a million years, would have cleaned up that accident. DH should have done it, and he needs to pull his weight. The first trimester can be hell (especially following fertility treatment) and it's almost worse because very few people know and they don't cut you any slack. So speak to DH this morning (I wouldn't show mine a thread where I was sounding off and he'll get distracted by all the horrible owner drama) and say what he did was selfish to you and to the dog and he shouldn't do it again. I'd expect an apology for you cleaning it up (and some chocs actually but I'm fairly high maintenance when I'm growing a human).

I hope you start to feel better soon

HuskyMcClusky · 28/01/2018 11:04

men just don't understand that walking dogs isn't a choice!

Ffs. Are you related to the poster who thinks men need more me-time?

They understand. They just don’t care.

booqueue · 28/01/2018 11:07

Stop explaining yourself. You know your dog and how you look after her.

Wake DP up and have a good talk with him and explain this has to stop. You're not feeling great and you need his help. You shouldn't have to but he needs to step up pretty quick.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 28/01/2018 11:09

One of you should have walked the poor dog, how irresponsible.

If you can't cope with a walk around the block how on earth are you going to manage to look after a baby 24/7 on little sleep when exhaustion can kick in?

Early pregnancy can be tiring but when you have responsibilities you just have to get on with them. It's a good job you don't have any more children at present to look after if you can't manage a dog between you.

Birdsgottafly · 28/01/2018 11:09

"Why? What evidence is there that he'll treat a child the same way as a dog?"

Because when the OP needed him to step up, support her, he didn't.

Pregnancy can bring limitations, so can having a Newborn/toddler. The pregnancy was planned so her DH should stop being an arse and get on with what needs doing.

OP, posters are being ridiculous. I say that as a long time dog. Treat it as a wake up call and have a proper conversation about you supposidly being a team.

Whatever it takes to run your home and support each other is a joint effort, which means that you don't get to do just what you want to.

GunnyHighway · 28/01/2018 11:10

No I can't see the relationship between a human that came from your body or your partners body and an animal. Did you honestly love you pets as much as your children?
Do you also think that if this bloke was on his own he'd leave the baby in a shitty nappy, or crying for food.

Birdsgottafly · 28/01/2018 11:13

Oh yes and not every Newborn is a nightmare. My DD uses slings and when I was babysitting I used hers and walked my dog, from around three months the baby loves it and then sleeps better after being out.

WorraLiberty · 28/01/2018 11:14

I have every sympathy for you OP and your DH should have did what he promised and walked the dog.

However, you were so exhausted that you couldn't get out of bed and yet you managed take the dog downstairs multiple times, so really I think it would have been kinder to just stick a lead on her and at least walk her round the block, especially as you say walking gets her bowels moving.

I know you probably didn't because you thought he was going to walk her later, but honestly that dog needs more than one daily walk. Even if the second is just a short one.

WorraLiberty · 28/01/2018 11:16

Birds has summed it up perfectly I think.

As an aside, I can't stop laughing at this though.... I say that as a long time dog

Birdsgottafly · 28/01/2018 11:18

"Do you also think that if this bloke was on his own he'd leave the baby in a shitty nappy, or crying for food."

No but he's shown if the OP needs him, he might not be there for her. There's many Men who think that Maternity leave means that they get to kop out of the hard bit, even when their Partner is begging for help.

DogTalk · 28/01/2018 11:19

OP - crazy replies on here! Your DH was VU. I'm sure your dog will be fine. This place is crazy sometimes.

JuliannaBixby · 28/01/2018 11:24

He was an arse, but you were at home with the dog all day and couldn't get it together for a 10 minute walk? I get pregnancy tiredness, I used to come home straight from work and go to bed, but some stuff you still need to do.

speakout · 28/01/2018 11:27

OP sorry but this situation will only deteriorate.
You will become more tired, when the baby arrives you will both be tired from lack of sleep.

If you struggle to care for a dog now, things will get 10 times worse.

I would look for another home for the dog,

Big lively dogs ( and I have owned several) need two longs walks a day.

NapQueen · 28/01/2018 11:31

The dog has two owners. One was unable to walk the dog, asked the other to who said yes. They then didnt do it.

Thats shit of the person who said they would and they are being unfair on the dog.

harshbuttrue1980 · 28/01/2018 11:32

Neither of you can be bothered to walk the dog. Do you realise how much toilet trained dogs absolutely hate trying to hold on and not being able to and then pooing on the floor? How degraded would you feel if you had to poo on the floor?? You both sound unbelievably lazy. Pregnancy or not, you're both responsible for the dog. Maybe revoking would be a good option. You do both realise that kids need to be fed and changed even if both of you get Ill at the same time?? I don't know how either of you will cope.

GunnyHighway · 28/01/2018 11:37

You both sound unbelievably lazy.

Really? One walk, just one and you jump to this conclusion.

AddictedtoSnickers · 28/01/2018 11:37

My first trimester sickness and tiredness was way worse than any tiredness from birth or newborns. And my newborns were hard work. I think you should have spelled it out much more clearly to him. You are suffering with growing a baby for the both of you. And he can't walk the dog?

LizardMonitor · 28/01/2018 11:37

The point is you asked H to walk the dog, he said he would, and then didn’t.

It doesn’t matter whether the OP could have dragged herself out or not. He reneged on what he had agreed to do.

Selfish and unreliable. Bad team work.

Talk to him very seriously.

And next time, don’t mop the mess he causes (literally and metaphorically ). Make him take the consequences. If you are going to clear up dog shit in the night you might as well have done the walk.

Blackteadrinker77 · 28/01/2018 11:44

She'll normally go out there too if needs be, but sometimes needs a walk to get things going

They need walked several times a day for their mental health. They need to be able to smell things.

Your DH is cruel, I would have made him get off the couch and walk the dog.
I've had major surgery 5 weeks ago and my dog hasn't missed any of her four walks a day. We made a rota between my DH and children and family members. Maybe something like that would help you?

You are more than likely going to have more days where you want a sofa day, a rota as a back up of who can step in and help would allow you to not stress or feel guilty. Not just dog walking but your share of the house hold chores etc.

Congratulations

BillyCongo · 28/01/2018 12:06

Oh dear. I think you need to address this with your DH now. When I had DD, I was in hospital for a week (difficult birth) and then was so weak I could only walk very short distances for nearly two weeks after (I was fit and healthy pre birth but it completely nailed me). What would you do with your dog if you end up in that situation???

rookiemere · 28/01/2018 12:48

You're getting a hard time here OP, because in the list of things that were important, your dog getting a walk at least once a day is more important than who does it.

Yes your DH was an arse by not walking the dog but I'm unsure how and why he managed to get in bed without doing it. It sounds like you gently reminded him, but then didn't force the issue when he didn't do it and then cleaned up the consequences of him not doing it. Hope you give him a good row today!

Equally I understand that you're feeling dreadful and I don't want to do competitive tiredness, but once you have a DC you're often forced to soldier on past any normal boundaries, just because you have to. Therefore taking a dog out for 10 minutes - even if you're feeling absolutely dreadful - doesn't seem that onerous.

Agree with others who say you need a solution for when baby is born - you might end up in hospital for a few days, and your dog needs to get out and have a walk during that time.

PositivelyPERF · 28/01/2018 13:03

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP. That’s wonderful news. Some posters never back stand admit they’ve judged too harshly when they get all the information. They have this weird need to save face. Hopefully your nausea will ease soon and you can get back to enjoying your dog walks. I would suggest that you get your husband to take on more of the walks as you may not be able later or get him to go half with you on a dog walker, as you may need more rest before and after the baby arrives. Don’t leave it too late as it can take time to get and choose a suitable dog walker. You’re dog will love mixing with other dogs and will be the happier for it.

These things should be discussed now or you’re going to feel unsupported when baby arrives. You need to talk to him about expectations you both have. Too many men act helpless and as if women instinctively know what to do with baby, so the woman ends up exhausted. Housework, dog care, night feeds, etc all needs to be discussed now.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread