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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should have walked the dog?

115 replies

Seeingthings38 · 28/01/2018 09:40

Currently six weeks pregnant following fertility treatment. I'm the first to admit that I'm an irrational, hormonal wreck right now. I'm also coping with epic levels of exhaustion and barely able to drag myself through the working day.

I was that tired yesterday that I couldn't even get out of bed. DH wanted to go watch his football team play with his DF. I said no problem as I'm not very entertaining right now. All I asked was that he walk the dog at some point as I didn't think I'd be able to manage it. He didn't walk her before he left and when I reminded him said he'd do it when he got back. However he came back with his DF and they chatted on the sofa for a couple of hours. I reminded him again when DF left that dog hadn't been walked, but he still didn't take her out.

I was awoken at 5am by DH going to the loo and saw that dog had dirtied on bedroom floor (she sleeps in here with us) Totally not like her and a direct result of her not getting her walk. I therefore had to clean it up and I've been wide awake ever since. I'm a very poor morning sleeper and once I'm properly disturbed that's it.

AIBU to be foaming at DH? I asked him to do one simple thing and now I'm suffering because he couldn't be arsed. I should add he's still sleeping away soundlyAngry I should also add that dog does normally get a good walk every day (by me) so this was definitely a one off for her.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 28/01/2018 10:26

you both sound selfish and lazy

blueskypink · 28/01/2018 10:27

What MsVestibule said AngryAngryAngryAngry

flumpybear · 28/01/2018 10:29

I think you're Both being a bit unreasonable to be honest - surely you could just bing on some joggers and get to the park with your poor pooch if your DH was being a selfish pillock? I don't want to sound preachy but when you've for a child you'll both have to pull together, not apart, you'll be beyond shattered, literally on your knees due to lack of sleep and exhaustion, far worse than now, but you'll still need to walk the dog, go to work, go shopping, make food etc ....
My husband was DREADFUL at taking over in the night so I had that for three months with my first child and 2.5 years with my second Who never slept through, up at lows st twice a night - it was pure hell

So yes I'd be pissed st him but take it as a bit of a wake up call Wink

callmeadoctor · 28/01/2018 10:31

Bit concerned that you have a dog and no garden, sorry Sad

rookiemere · 28/01/2018 10:32

Your DH should definitely have done it - no question. I don't understand why you didn't press the point a bit more - I'd have reminded him whilst his DF was there, and then rather than just remind him when he left I'd have handed him his coat and the lead.

But as he didn't, I totally appreciate you felt grim, but it does seem odd that whilst you manage to make it into work every day you couldn't make it out for a ten minute walk in the whole of the day. Perhaps the fresh air might have made you feel a bit better.

You need to get this sorted with DH before the baby arrives. Perhaps he doesn't see the dog as his responsibility - I have a bit of sympathy with him. DH is keen to get a dog, but I know which muggins will end up with all the dirty work. But one of you needs to ensure that however you feel or whatever is going on, the dog gets out for 5-10 mins every day at least. It's really not that much to ask that a pet gets the bare minimum of fresh air and exercise.

Original poster
Seeingthings38 · 28/01/2018 10:32

I really love Mumsnet sometime. I ask for some support regarding DH and instead it's my animal care skills that are called into question.

My dog is walked every day, taken to classes and is better trained than any of the dogs we meet in the park, fed the best quality food, groomed every day, sleeps in my bed and is absolutely doted on. But yeah, I should definitely have a long hard look at myself because she missed ONE walk due to me being really fucking ill.

Really insulted by the posters (hi fenella suggesting she's going to be discarded like an old shoe once the baby is here. All I'm expecting is a tiny bit more help with her from DH while I get through this first trimester. If that's not forthcoming then I will just have to woman up won't I.

OP posts:
GunnyHighway · 28/01/2018 10:32

Doesn’t bode well for fatherhood

Why? What evidence is there that he'll treat a child the same way as a dog?

Stop being bellendish and stick to the matter at hand ffs

Slartybartfast · 28/01/2018 10:35

one extra long walk isnt enough, there have to be walks every day, whatever happens. i get the tiredness but you are still able to walk

gamerchick · 28/01/2018 10:35

Jesus, some people on here. My dog misses one walk and it's suddenly an RSPCA case!

Howay, this is mumsnet man! Grin

This doesn't bode well for babies, a proper come to Jesus conversation would be had in your shoes with a few swears thrown in. The crushing tiredness will go but later on a different kind will take it's place and if you're unlucky enough to get spd or whatever it's called you may not be physically able to walk much.

Original poster
Seeingthings38 · 28/01/2018 10:37

rookiemere I've been working and walking her every other day because I didn't feel as totally fucking dreadful as yesterday. It was the worst day I've had and I could barely stand up. Honestly, I'm glad you all sailed through your bloody pregnancies, but clearly I can't.

Wish I'd never started this thread. I'm exhausted hormonal and at the end of my tether. Thank you so much for telling me I'm a dreadful, owner, shouldn't have a dog without a garden and should rehome her. I hope when you're all having a similarly shit time someone comes along to make you all feel worse too.

Thank you to the supportive posters though. I have taken your points on board. I won't be posting anymore as it's too upsetting quite frankly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Seeingthings38 · 28/01/2018 10:39

You mean full of self righteous arseholes gamerchick

OP posts:
whenohwhen · 28/01/2018 10:41

Op has the dog been out this morning?

GinIsIn · 28/01/2018 10:41

You can attack me all you want, the fact stands that you didn’t do right by your dog and you need to manage that going forward because life IS going to get harder. Perhaps the reason that many of us MN dog lovers seem harsh to you is because we have seen thread after thread after thread from people like you, who first post something like this, then are back 9 months later posting about rehoming.

You do need to woman up, don’t let your dog suffer again.

mustlovedogs · 28/01/2018 10:41

Oh op. Thanks I had a dreadful pregnancy. Other than work I did nothing but sleep. Everything took so much energy and I was sick and miserable. Of course you expected your dh to take over and walk the dog.
I imagine the fertility treatment took its toll too. I felt shit having that done too.

I'd be having strong words with him about his role as an equal partner.

I hope your tiredness improves.

OfDragonsDeep · 28/01/2018 10:44

This thread is ridiculous. This isn't your fault OP and I'm sure your dog is well cared for. Your DH needs to understand that he needs to up his game. I felt like you do in early pregnancy and it's the pits.

BewareOfDragons · 28/01/2018 10:45

The dog is entirely yours when there is work involved.

Huh.

You have just created a baby with a man who has shown you who he is, and it isn't a pretty picture. The baby will be his to show off and brag about, but you will be doing all the grunt work.

You need to sort this immediately. I wish you had woken him up and made him clean up the dog mess which was clearly a result of his failure to walk HIS dog.

Good luck, OP. you're going to need it.

gamerchick · 28/01/2018 10:46

People are weird about animals on here.

The best thing to do I think is pick through the dickish comments and weed out the ones that are actually constructive. Some people just like to kick for the sake of it.

Anyway get the bugger told and no I doubt your dog will be suffering through a lack of a walk. Might be peace of mind to sort out a dog walkers number if he continues being a cock about it.

Els1e · 28/01/2018 10:48

Sorry if you are feeling got at. Posts that hint of a lack of care around an animal are going to be emotive. You are right to be annoyed at your husband. Before you give up this thread, I would show your dh. There are people out there who are judging him to be selfish and not supportive.

bastardkitty · 28/01/2018 10:52

Doesn’t bode well for fatherhood
Why? What evidence is there that he'll treat a child the same way as a dog?

Because he seems like a selfish lazy twat!

PurpleRobe · 28/01/2018 10:53

I'd be angry with dh too.

He had plenty of opportunity to walk her but didn't.

And if you do 95% of the walks then it's the least he could have done, especially since you're unwell due to carrying his child (Ok that's a bit tongue in cheek but I mean it's not because you're hungover or something )

Are you worried that he won't be supportive when baby comes?
Have a chat with him about how disappointed you are

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 28/01/2018 10:55

How on earth could you expect your dog to miss the occasional day when they've no access to outside at all?? One of you had better get a handle on it or rehome the dog, that's ridiculous Hmm

Hoppinggreen · 28/01/2018 10:57

Op
I’m sorry you feel poorly, hope it passes soon but it’s not your dogs fault.
You shouid have said “Oi, DH take the dog out” while handing him the lead. Shouldn’t be necessary but if it was that’s what you needed to do.
Otherwise you should have done it yourself. We have a garden but our dog still gets his walks - I have done it with an upset tummy while trying not to poo myself and limped very slowly when I had a twisted knee. If It HAD been totally impossible I would have sent him to daycare or got a neighbor to do it or something.
It’s only going to get harder as you get more pg or with a newborn- even if the birth goes well walking the dog won’t be easy at first so your DH will HAVE to step up but if you think he won’t you will have to make other arrangements.

MushyPeasAndPie · 28/01/2018 10:57

I think the one thing you did wrong was not waking your DH to clean the mess up in the night. DH needs to learn the consequences of not looking after the dog when you can't.

GunnyHighway · 28/01/2018 10:58

Because he seems like a selfish lazy twat!

Wow you got all that from a few lines? Literally one aspect of their life together. Bravo you 👏

Of course there may just be a little more to their relationship, but fuck it judge the man on just a couple of lines

jannier · 28/01/2018 10:59

My husband would have been sleeping with the pooh waiting for him no way would I have cleared it up. id be downstairs on the sofa with my dog.

But I would say having had morning sickness for the entire second pregnancy whilst looking after by first and getting regular migraines meaning I had to feed nappy change next to a sick bowl I would have been ranting at him before bed the night before and he wouldn't have been going to sleep, if he was out I d have taken a bowl with me and walked the dog up the street (dog for 14 years so had to do dog and 2 children whilst OH works away) in the same way I would have had to have fed my babies.....No wa would he be able to sleep right now the dog would be on him even if I used marmite or oh's share of tonight's dinner.
Serious words about responsibilities and parenting as in its 2 of us pull your weight sunshine.