Have you ever checked your partners phone?

[Elizanotlittle]

I have with my ex. Some of my friends say they have never looked snd don't even think about it. Others say they check now and then and don't feel bad.

I don't want to go down this road with new partner.

No. never have, never would. If I ever felt that I was in circumstances in which I felt I wanted to then I would know the relationship was well and truly over. I would leave but still not check the phone - or anything else.

Dh is foreign. Occasionally I see a text pops up from one of his mates from them when he’s in bed. Sometimes I take a look to see how they’re doing. Not to check up. Just out of interest. I don’t consider it snooping. Just interested in dh’s life. I’m so exhausted all the time, have ME so we don’t often get to talk about this stuff.

There are a few smug sounding posts on here but I was a smug married until I found the evidence. We were together 20 years, think it was a mid life crisis. So never say never.

I probably sound smug but DH and I were both very hurt by previous marriage and I think that means I can be as sure as anyone can be.

I use DHs phone all the time but I've only 'checked' in the sense you mean once in 15yrs together.
I was looking at messages from one particular person and I think it was with a view to reassure myself about an ongoing nagging thought rather than any real suspicion. There was nothing untoward going on.

We have a shared calendar, which means there’s no need to check the other’s phone for dates etc.

I’m not a smug married. I just have a horror if anyone going through my stuff, so I wouldn’t do it to anyone else.

No. Not going to say "I never would" because you can't predict the future but so far I've never felt the urge. He knows my passcode and has his thumbprint registered on mine like I do on his. The DCs thumbprints can also unlock both of our phones but neither would use them unless specifically asked because we respect one another's privacy.

I don't know how I'd feel if I ever needed to; there would have to be a bloody good reason. And I tend to think if you've a bloody good reason it's because your spidey senses are tingling even if it's unconsciously.

I have in the past several times with my ex. Only when I had a hunch something was amiss. My hunches were always correct.

Actually I did look at his WhatsApp messages once out of curiosity and told him I had. He was a bit pissed off so I don’t think I’d do it again

No.

But I know he checks mine. Don’t think he knows I know. But he often doesn’t put stuff back to the home screen so I know he’s been checking. I get a lot of messages from friends and he’s always commenting on amount of texts and asking who they’re from. So he’s worked my swipe pattern out.....might change it to a number but then he’d only get suspicious.

I did with my ex. I had deep suspicions. I was right.

With my dp now? It's never crossed my mind.

No I never check and the thought to do so would not even occur. He does not check mine either. If he asked, I would let him and vice versa. I don’t even know how to log into his phone!

I have used his iPad occasionally and know the log in for that, but still have no need to check the messages and emails.

Yes I have. One time each with 4 different relationships. I just had a feeling. And 4 times I found solid evidence they were doing things behind my back ie chatting up girls, taking hard drugs, signing up to hookup website.

I would never just do it for no reason. With my latest partner we had been together almost 6 years before I looked at the phone.

VivaLeBeaver I honestly could not live with someone checking my texts etc, especially if they’d sneakily worked out how to get into my phone to do it.

Absolutely not. It’s controlling and an invasion of privacy (see also tracking people’s whereabouts).

If I thought my partner had cheated I would ask, then decide whether to leave or not. If my partner checked my phone I would leave.

Nope. My abusive ex used to check mine as a part of a pattern of control. I now see it as a definite red flag - I'd never do that to someone and I'd leave immediately if someone did that to me.

unimaginative.....there’s always a reason though. So yesterday I went out and forgot my phone, left. It at home. So I’m not fulfilling the a-z off someone having an affair anyway as my phone spends 80% of. It’s life on the bread bin.

Anyway got back and knew he’d been on it. He saw me looking and piped up that he’d had to hack into my phone as he needed to. Send me an email urgently (which is true) and couldn’t remember my email address (which is quite possible).

I used to check my ex’s phone all the time whenever he went in the shower. I don’t check my OH’s phone ever as I decided I was just going to trust him. That might be naive of me but my previous relationships were toxic because of my paranoia. If I ever find out he’s not been trustworthy then I’ll deal with it then and there, but I don’t fancy living my life constantly looking over my shoulder at what may or may not ever happen. He isn’t secretive with his phone and leaves it lying around unlocked next to me all the time so I don’t think he has anything to hide anyway

No but we do know each other’s passcodes and so have looked up a phone number etc if I’ve needed it.
Ive never felt the need to to “check up on him”

Dsis has suspicions just after Xmas, checked her Hs phone and her suspicions were correct.

Yes!
Just to see what my mother in law had to say!

Yes but only when I suspected DH was cheating - I was right. I wouldn't do it with a new partner unless I had strong suspicions

when I had a suspcious feeling and I was right

No. Dont think about it.

No, I can access it if needed as he can mine. I don’t deliberately look at his messages or browser history. That would be rude!