To ask why little girls seem to be preferred?

[foxtaildream]

Is it just me who has noticed this?

I wonder if it is because boys are perceived to be more boisterous than girls?

I have only boys and had a relative tell me that "you don't truly experience the joys of parenthood until you've had a girl". This person had two boys and then a girl (which they were desperate for)!

I have two grown up sons and it is only other women who asked me was I disappointed I never had a daughter and I think they don't believe me when I say no.

Many men I know always wanted a son. One guy I know was in a foul mood for weeks after his second daughter wad born.

I have 2 girls and i can honestly say no one has ever asked me if I would be trying for another girl but after having dd2 a lot of people asked if we would try again for a boy.

I have some of both, and have never noticed a preference either way...

I did not see it coming, but while pregnant, I actually developed ante natal depression over my fear of not having a girl. It may seem very silly to many, but to me it was a terrifying experience and ruined my pregnancy in many ways.

I have two ds and a baby dd. I was in aldi with them all couple of months back and a lady I'd never met came up to me and said You got your girl then! I said I beg your pardon? She repeated it and then I realised what she meant, I said I wasn't trying for a girl I was more than happy with my lovely boys thank you. The cheek of some people!

Never mind, they can self identify or trans anyway so no one knows what gender they will end up as eventually.

The world is gone mad. And a lot sooner than I thought it would too.

OP do you have children?

I have a slight preference to girls simply because with a boy it's more a fear of the unknown (me being female) when I was pregnant we found out we were having a girl and I was delighted as that's what I wanted from the start!

No I don't, why?

The preference exists only in the echo chamber of mumsnet.

Worldwide male babies are not aborted or sold off because of the preference for female ones. It is female children who are rather less preferred, on a worldwide population level.

With my first I think I had a slight subconscious expectation that it would be a girl. Which I can only put down to complete illogic - my experience of childhood was being a girl, and somehow I was subconsciously thinking of my baby as a mini me. OTOH there was a slight sigh of relief when DS was a boy too because it meant not having to fight the inevitable tide of pink yick. Shallow things, yes - because at any real level we didn't care, we were just delighted to have a healthy baby to love.

(But DD is such a mini-me it's unreal! And means I find her easier to deal with, I just get where she's coming from. DS I can't fathom at all. I don't think that's about gender though, it's their personalities. DH can't fathom DS either, he's very different from both of us!)

I think whatever gender you tell people you're expecting, almost everyone will say "ooh that's fantastic!" or similar. Not sure what other response is appropriate really.

foxtaildream Sat 27-Jan-18 18:32:10

"No, but in real life too. Whenever they have had a scan and it's a girl it's always a "wow, that's fantastic!" and yet it has been such a different response when it's a boy (same people)."

Nope. The response I've had (and I have one of both) is "oh, I wouldn't want a girl; they are so bitchy and manipulative; boys are straightforward"

At the toddler stage, I noticed that if my dd became physical it was "oh, she's a little madam", whereas if my ds did it (which he rarely did) it was "oh, that's what boys are like.

The main thing I've noticed is the assumption that you will want your second dc to be the opposite sex to the first

I had two girls and then a boy. I prefer girls.

I do agree with you OP. It's definitely a thing. Obviously that doesn't mean that everyone exhibits that bias, but as the parent of two boys, I have been asked - and only ever by random stupid and tactless women: "Are you going to try for a girl next time?"

I have a couple of close friends who both have 2 girls, and when I asked them, they had never been asked the same thing in reverse.

I have 2 of the same gender & if we have enough it would be nice to have the other simply for difference. However I’m not that fussed & I would hate for anyone to assume that I only had a third because I wanted the other gender. I’ve always wanted 3 or 4.

Imo girls clothes are nicer and you can style their hair and share makeup and jewellery etc. Most women want a girl to be friends with when they grow up, to recreate the relationship they have with their own mother, and they're more likely to enjoy the hobbies their daughter gets involved in. Boys are seen as too dirty and boisterous. When the child gets married the mother of the bride is more involved than the mother of the groom. When grandchildren arrive, maternal grandparents tend to be more involved because in many cases the mother prefers her own parents to her DP's. So I suppose a mother feels she will be closer with a daughter than with a son.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I was gutted to find out my baby was a boy for all of the above reasons. Shops have a lot fewer boys clothes; their clothes and hair are so boring. My idea of hell is having to take my son to sports games - he will not be playing sports under any circumstances!

I just wondered. You're asking here about preferring little girls and you have a thread in _chat about smacking. So, was just asking, that's all.

Bella 🤣

expat, see, I personally think that's horrific. You have a son. Most people who do have a preference, don't understand why they ever did when they have a child of the opposite sex.

As to the stigma of gender disappointment, do we have to call it a stigma just because people recognise that it is kinder not to say of another human being- particularly not one who you are there to care for and nurture- that you would prefer it if some other human being had been born instead of them?

Stigma or no stigma, having to live with the parent who feels entitled to talk openly about this whenever the urge takes them must be a bloody nightmare.

What more should we de-stigmatize? Personal appearance disappointment ("nobody will let me speak out about how I feel having an ugly child")? Intelligence disappointment ("nobody dares admit what it feels like to have a child who is not as intelligent as the average MN child")?

I have known people who grew up aware of their parents' disappointment that they were the wrong sex. Those were not happy well-adjusted people.

It's undoubtedly cultural. In the UK I think there's a preference for girls because boys are perceived to be rowdy, difficult and a handful.

I have 4 boys and have experienced it many, many times, from medical staff (stunned silence at the scan for DS4 followed by commiseration) to friends, relatives and complete strangers. One doctor told me at an appointment for unborn DS3 that if I was trying for a girl I needed to consider the risk of a caesarian - outrageous!

My worst experience was a Mum at school who leaned into my gorgeous newborn DS4's pram and exclaimed 'Oh no - not another boy! Poor you'.

I had the last laugh though as my sons have turned out to be absolutely lovely, successful people.

I have no idea why girls are considered 'easier', nicer or better. IME is is driven by personality.

"My idea of hell is having to take my son to sports games - he will not be playing sports under any circumstances!"

WTF?? Are you serious? Even if he'd love to - you wouldn't make that tiny sacrifice? Your poor boy