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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a bit off?

114 replies

Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 12:00

I'm in a friendship group of 3. One of them is getting married soon. I've always considered her a close mate we used to speak every night, I've done her loadsa favours etc. I had started to feel like it was a bit one sided tbh.
Anyway she's having 8 bridesmaids some family, some her partners friends and you've guessed it the other friend out of the 3 but not me. Tactless much?

OP posts:
JustVent · 27/01/2018 13:38

Were you invited to the hen do?

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 13:45

Sorry I was invited but it coincided with a family members significant birthday so no can do. What a shame

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 27/01/2018 13:47

Excellent that you are double booked, now you don’t have to contribute to an overpriced shit hen weekend.

Bullet dodger

athingthateveryoneneeds · 27/01/2018 13:47

I wouldn't go to the wedding either, tbh.

rollingonariver · 27/01/2018 14:04

Honestly I doubt she meant to spite you. How many bridesmaids are family? I want a particular number of bridesmaids so will not be able to have everyone who might get offended but it's sort of obligation to have family.

Guardsman18 · 27/01/2018 14:05

If being a bridesmaid is such a rotten job (never been one), then maybe she likes you too much to put you through it?!

Just a thought

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 14:07

Only 2 bridesmaids are family

OP posts:
Ariela · 27/01/2018 14:13

Good grief, so you WANT to wear something in a style and colour that does not suit you, and are upset you're not going to a pointless hen do which costs you a fortune?

Lucky you with the option to buy a stunning outfit and hat to suit, and to be able to easily afford it as you've not had to waste hundreds going away on a silly hen do.

JustVent · 27/01/2018 14:14

Those who are saying being a bridesmaid is a crap job are totally missing the point entirely.

StupidMcStupidFace · 27/01/2018 14:17

Do you think she’s pissed you’re not going to the hen and this is her (hugely petty) payback?

Cornettoninja · 27/01/2018 14:22

Eight bridesmaids Shock her purse I suppose.

Tbh you can play it a few ways but ultimately if you want some semblance of the friendship to continue you need to rise above it. Would the trio dissolve if you backed off and are you happy to lose that?

Personally I would be interested in her reasoning but with so many bridesmaids already I suspect she had to stop somewhere (or risk running out of actual guests) and there's nothing wrong with her feeling closer to your other friend.

It could be as simple as running out of accompanying groomsmen or as shallow and ridiculous as wanting them all roughly the same height for aesthetic purposes.

Not every friendship has to stay the same and some do lose their significance, it doesn't mean they have to end.

StatisticallyChallenged · 27/01/2018 14:24

Ive been on the receiving end of this and unfortunately it really hurts. Some brides really lose and sense of perspective that the people around them aren't just accessories to their perfect day. Mine used the excuse that they couldn't involve everyone as they wanted there t9 be surprises...

babyccinoo · 27/01/2018 14:26

I wouldn't go to the wedding.

RoseWhiteTips · 27/01/2018 14:26

Eight bridesmaids sounds tacky. You are well out of it, OP, but I get your point. I would not be on hand to do her favours etc in future.

MrsSiba · 27/01/2018 14:33

Not nice but glad you are but going to the hen do.

What did she say when she told you about her choice of bridesmaids? Did she acknowledge why you weren't one or is she so blinkered she expected you to suck it up?

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 15:44

She said I would have loved to have you etc what a fool I am

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/01/2018 16:09

'Eight bridesmaids shock her purse I suppose.'

Oh, she'll be one of those brides who expects the maids to pay for their dresses and shoes (that she picks out), hair and makeup, her part of the hen do.

'I wouldn't go to the wedding.'

The bride will invite the OP to the evening do and the invitation will have a 'give us money' poem in it.

'She said I would have loved to have you etc what a fool I am'

The scales were already starting to fall from your eyes. This was just the last weight. But she's been using you for years.

Lesson learned.

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 16:21

Yep it's sad but it's life.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 27/01/2018 17:45

Did she not give an excuse when she said she would've loved to have you? That statement is usually followed by a 'but....'.

Yanbu at all, I wonder if you not being able to go to the hen do is what has made her act like this?

dayswithaY · 27/01/2018 17:53

Just a thought - are you better looking than her?

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 17:54

I knew before the hen do was even arranged so it's not that and yes I'm better looking

OP posts:
Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 17:56

When she said I would have loved to have you she said they decided on 8 so 2 family 2 of her mates 2 of their mutual mates and 2 of his mates obvs female

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/01/2018 17:59

How does your other friend feel about it?

Original poster
Busybeesbutt · 27/01/2018 18:00

She texted me to say sorry for not telling me she'd only been asked the day before. I just said it was fine I'm not making myself look desperate over it

OP posts:
fourmileswide · 27/01/2018 18:03

8 bridesmaids? Strewth.

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