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Original poster

To have had enough of it all?

76 replies

Reallyhadadenoughofitall · 27/01/2018 10:26

I just really have. Feel utterly crap and fed up.

I've been away for several days for work, got back late yesterday. 2 teen DC have been here by themselves. While I was away no washing or washing up has been done.

At Xmas, DC1 bought their best friend some expensive boots (£70). They didn't fit. Last weekend when putting some laundry in DC1s room I found the boots which hadn't been sent back. I told DC1 to sort it out. This STILL hasn't been done. Apparently an email was sent to find out how to return them but no reply has been received - wtf?

Last weekend I also told DC2 to sort out his room which is a fucking health hazard. Literally nothing has been done.

My cleaner (ha fucking ha) came in the week while I was away. Despite me asking her several times, she doesn't clean everywhere. In fact I'm struggling to see what she does DP on 3 hours- doesn't clean toilets properly ( basically she squirts toilet duck round and leaves it), doesn't dust or polish, this week she doesn't even seen to have done anything in the kitchen. I can't keep having to fucking micromanage her, it's bad enough I have to do it with my DC.

Everything is just saying the same stuff over and over and over again.

There's also a load of crap going on with my relationship. Not even sure where to begin with that except that he seems utterly bored with me and to view me as little more than a friend, and rebuffs any kind of advance I make, so not sure where that's going really. Probably towards a row where it's all my fault.

At the moment I feel like running away from all of it. Unfortunately I have nowhere to go.

OP posts:
BuckingFrolicks2 · 27/01/2018 10:31

I'm sorry to read that, OP. It's awful when you're rowing the boat all by yourself, but there are hale and hearty teenagers just weighing the sodding thing down.

Mine are just the same at almost 20.

It's worse when you've had time to yourself, for work, surrounded by adults doing adult things, and only yourself to manage. Horrendous moment, walking in back home to a midden/time warp... I do feel for you.

Perhaps take yourself off for the day after leaving a lengthy note for your DCs to pull their finger out? My DM used to do that for me and my DB when we were that age - it worked a treat I have to say. Good luck - this too will pass

BuckingFrolicks2 · 27/01/2018 10:31

ps Sack the Cleaner

Lifeisabeach09 · 27/01/2018 10:32

Dump the relationship. That'll some stress and anxiety gone.
Get a new cleaner.
Don't worry so much regarding kids bedroom. That's their space. If they're old enough, let them do their own washing/dishes.

Slowtrain2dawn · 27/01/2018 10:34

How about: Go out for the day. Send a text with instructions to whole family about what you would like done by the time you return. Explain that you have had a very tiring week and need a break. Thank them for their understanding and mention the lovely take away you can all share that evening when you come home refreshed. Have a lovely day doing something of your choice.

falang · 27/01/2018 10:39

OP I'd be furious. Consequences for your children. Stop any money, switch off WiFi is often what works. Maybe the cleaner couldn't clean because of mess. She is there to clean not tidy up. No excuse for her not cleaning toilets though. Maybe time for a conversation with her about what she is expected to do for her wages.

Original poster
Reallyhadadenoughofitall · 27/01/2018 10:57

I have read the riot act this morning. They have gone back to bed. So that was utterly pointless.

I could leave a note. It would be ignored. Or they would claim not to have seen it. Dc1 has to leave for work at 12 anyway and will be gone all day so can't do anything.

There are no plates to use. They won't wash up if I don't. They will just stop using plates.

Cleaner had plenty she could have done but she is lazy too.

I don't want to end the relationship but I'm not sure if I have a choice.

I feel like everyone thinks I've been off having a jolly up with work when in fact I've been working really hard all the time I was away.

OP posts:
Neverender · 27/01/2018 11:13

Take yourself out for lunch and leave them to it.

falang · 27/01/2018 11:14

So wash up. You've read the riot act. Not pointless. They now know how you feel. Have you thought about anything to use, I suggested some that I know can be successful but you might know of others for your own DC. Nothing will change unless something changes for them.

hollowtree · 27/01/2018 11:22

The worst thing about feeling downtrod is people try extra hard to tread on you! I know you feel deflated but you absolutely have to put your foot down. You're not your childrens' maid, your husband's 'mate' or your cleaners manager!

If your kids are working, they can pay rent for their Bed and Breakfast complete with tidying service! This could go towards hiring a better cleaner...

Don't bother making any more advances on your husband, make it clear where you stand then if he wants to make the relationship work he can come to you.

You're amazing. You deserve better. Put yourself first

Original poster
Reallyhadadenoughofitall · 27/01/2018 11:25

I don't give them any money. Dc1 works, dc2 is at college and gets a small allowance from his dad

If I switch the Wi-Fi off they will just get round it, or use their mobile data. There is nothing I can think of that will make any difference. Unless I stand over them each and every time which i don't have time or energy to do they don't so anything and even than if I supervise then they would take hours and do a shit job

OP posts:
LadyFlumpalot · 27/01/2018 11:27

How old are the teenagers? When I was 19 my mum literally kicked me out for behaving like her house was a hotel. She (very nicely) explained that I couldn't continue to live in her house if I treated it like that.

In high teenage gumption I immediately found a room to rent and moved out a fortnight later with my nose in the air.

4 months later I was begging to come home having realised how difficult life actually was. From that point on I most definitely helped out and appreciated what I had.

Obviously this may not work if your teenagers are 14 and 16!

Original poster
Reallyhadadenoughofitall · 27/01/2018 11:28

I don't feel amazing. I feel useless and awful.

Like if I'd done a better job with my kids they wouldn't be like this.
If I managed my cleaner better she would do a decent job
Or if I was slimmer/ made more effort my OH wouldbe interested in me.

OP posts:
NewYearNiki · 27/01/2018 11:29

As awful as this sounds.....your dc are not young children and I would never suggest this if they were.....why dont you leave them to it.

Instead of kicking dp out cant you leave.

Although having said that he'd probably keep the house if you left the kids.

Original poster
Reallyhadadenoughofitall · 27/01/2018 11:32

They are 17 and 19. There's no way either could move out as we are in London and rooms to rent are £600+ a month...

I don't want them to move out really, I don't even care so much that they haven't thought to wash up or do laundry.

It's the fact that I clearly asked them to do 2 things and they have completely ignored me. That's what grates.

OP posts:
Original poster
Reallyhadadenoughofitall · 27/01/2018 11:34

I should clarify, OH and I don't live together, he has his own place.

OP posts:
Tipsntoes · 27/01/2018 11:37

I think you need to get to the doctor OP, you sound depressed. Whilst you have plenty of cause to be dissatisfied it's not right that you're blaming yourself for it all.

Get rid of the cleaner. As far as the children are concerned, take that £600 pm , or a good part of it, off them to pay for their keep and get yourself 3 hours help a day.

PoisonousSmurf · 27/01/2018 11:40

Change the WiFi password or unplug the whole thing out of the wall and hide it!
Give them a list of chores to do that MUST be done if they are ever to get access again.
Get a new cleaner.
Hope things improve for you OP Flowers

PoisonousSmurf · 27/01/2018 11:45

Get the 19 year old to pay rent for a start! Maybe use that for a 'housekeeper', someone who will do all the jobs around a home several times a week.
But I would still take the Wifi away from them as it will eat into their money!

meredintofpandiculation · 27/01/2018 11:48

Like if I'd done a better job with my kids they wouldn't be like this.

Oh, I know that feeling well! But you're not the only influence on your kids. And do look at the whole spectrum. They're not on drugs, they don't have a criminal record, one is studying, the other actually has a job. You might have done things differently, and they might have ended up with super tidy rooms and all sort of other problems instead.

If I managed my cleaner better she would do a decent job Or if she were a better cleaner.

Or if I was slimmer/ made more effort my OH would be interested in me. Don't even think about that one. If he's that superficial, you're best off without him.

aSleepyPrincess · 27/01/2018 11:48

They treat you/your home like this because you allow it. Everything about your post screams 'defeated' Flowers
Your don't have to throw them out, they just have to believe you would if it came to itWink
They are walking all over you and you are letting them!

Tipsntoes · 27/01/2018 11:51

"You might have done things differently, and they might have ended up with super tidy rooms and all sort of other problems instead." Good point, when mine were little I took the view that dirty kids were happy kids, that you shouldn't put kids in clothes you're going to worry about and that time was better spent learning and having fun than cleaning. I've paid for that in some ways as they tend to see the floor as home for those clothes they don't care about but OTOH they are decent people with largely the right priorities.

Fattymcfaterson · 27/01/2018 11:52

They can't be bothered to do things for you, so you no longer have to do things for them. Stop washing their clothes, cooking dinner, providing money, lifts etc.
Respect is a two way street and you're letting them disrespect you.

Original poster
Reallyhadadenoughofitall · 27/01/2018 11:52

I don't think I'm depressed. I'm just unhappy and feel sad and unappreciated.

Both DC have phones paid for by their dad (my Ex) so there's no cost to them as such. DC1 pays board already, £50 a week (which pays for the cleaner).

OP posts:
Tipsntoes · 27/01/2018 11:53

That's easy then, unless they step up, you need more cleaning hours and the board needs to go up

meredintofpandiculation · 27/01/2018 11:54

"I will inspect your room once a fortnight. If it is not to standard, I will clean it to my standard and bill you for the cleaning". In my experience, older teenagers hate the idea of their mums poking into their room.

Do their phone contracts have a mobile data limit? If so, no wifi till rooms clean will hit them eventually.

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