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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset?

98 replies

twerp123 · 27/01/2018 09:55

A few weeks ago my Mum was taken to hospital. She spent a few days in the ICU, unconscious, and unfortunately passed away a few days after being admitted. It broke my heart. She lived in another country so I had to drop everything and fly over.
I got back last night. DH opened the door for me and went back to his game. Didn't ask how I am, didn't sit down to talk to me. He wanted to finish the match (fifa).
Am I being ridiculous for expecting that if you come back after being away for a few weeks dealing with your mother's death and everything that comes with it, your husband should turn off his playstation and give you his attention?
Or am I just being too sensitive?

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 27/01/2018 09:56

He's clearly a cunt. Sorry for your lossThanks

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 27/01/2018 09:57

Yanbu at all. So sorry about your mum Flowers.

JustVent · 27/01/2018 09:57

Fucking hell. What a nasty arsehole.

Is this what he is like usually? I couldn’t stay married to someone like that.

Flutterbyeee · 27/01/2018 10:04

That is just awful. I am so sorry for your loss. Right now you need to take care of yourself. Deal with him when you are feeling stronger.

Trashboat · 27/01/2018 10:05

Omg. I can't believe that. What a horrid man.

DecoysBitch · 27/01/2018 10:08

Thanks for you o.p.

Sounds like my Ex, hence Ex.

Ilovewillow · 27/01/2018 10:12

He is an utter twat! So sorry for your loss Thanks

Original poster
twerp123 · 27/01/2018 10:13

Oh gosh. Ok. Thank you. I thought i was losing my mind!
When I said this to him yesterday, he said he only wanted to finish the match and I was overreacting.

OP posts:
Neverender · 27/01/2018 10:14

That's absolutely awful behaviour. I wouldn't behave like that towards someone I didn't like, let alone someone I love. Flowers

marmitecrumpets · 27/01/2018 10:15

That's so sad :(

I'm sorry for your loss.

I hope you have lots of other people in your life that you can depend on for comfort

NewYearNewMe18 · 27/01/2018 10:15

Unless there is a massive back story and he has a formal diagnosis - exactly why are you with his bloke and what emotional support do you usually get in this relationship?

donners312 · 27/01/2018 10:15

I'm sorry for your loss.

Your husband is disgusting and you don't need one like that.

Toast3 · 27/01/2018 10:17

He prioritised his game when you needed a hug. No wonder you’re hurt. Sorry for your loss.

Spadequeen · 27/01/2018 10:20

You were not over reacting. He thought that finished a bloody game was more important than taking care of his greiving wife?

He needs to have a serious think about his priorities. I would also be seriously thinking g if I wanted to spend the rest of my left with a selfish, thoughtless twat.

He is usually like this or was it completely out of character for him?

Willow2017 · 27/01/2018 10:23

Men dont seem to get how awful it is until they have experienced it.

After my mum died i was lying crying in bed a couple of weeks later after the funeral was over and i had been sorting out all the legal stuff and was just emotionally wrung out and my then partner asked me why i was cryng?

Tell him if he thinks a freaking virtual game is more important than you then he is a selfish idiot with the emotional maturity of one of his 'football bots'.

Jaygee61 · 27/01/2018 10:30

I’m so sorry for your loss. He sounds horrible. Could he not have found some way of actually being with you when you had to go to your dying mum’s bedside?

greekyoghurt · 27/01/2018 10:31

I’d throw the device out WITH the selfish prick

PinkyBlunder · 27/01/2018 10:34

He’s a dick. Pack your bags and stay with someone that cares about you.

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 27/01/2018 10:35

Overreacting? He can piss off for that comment alone. I think I'd be inclined to tell him ' You can't even be arsed to give me a hug and make me tea when I get back from dealing with my mother's death? Thought your game was more important? Well, you can pack your bags and fuck off. How's that for overreacting?'
Don't let him get away with this OP, it's appalling behaviour. Sounds to me like he was deliberately punishing you for being away.

YouBetterWORK · 27/01/2018 10:36

That console would be out the window, and I say that as a gamer myself!

AmberTopaz · 27/01/2018 10:36

Did he finish the match, then put down the control, give you a hug and ask if you were ok? That would redeem things slightly.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 27/01/2018 10:37

No Amber that wouldn't redeem things at all

PinkyBlunder · 27/01/2018 10:37

Men dont seem to get how awful it is until they have experienced it.

That’s bullshit. It’s true that you don’t know how it truly feels until it’s happened to you but most decent people have empathy and that kicks in when someone you care about is hurting.

Not sure why it’s just ‘men’ that don’t get it either Hmm my DH is a man that’s not lost a parent but he’s never behaved like this.

Original poster
twerp123 · 27/01/2018 10:37

@Jaygee61 no, he stayed at home with our DC. Took them to school, went to work and basically did everything by himself for over two weeks. He called and texted me every day when I was away that's why I was so shocked and upset with the way he behaved last night.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 27/01/2018 10:38

He's a selfish, unkind dick. I would have hugged you until it hurt.
So sorry for your loss.

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