To be upset?

[twerp123]

A few weeks ago my Mum was taken to hospital. She spent a few days in the ICU, unconscious, and unfortunately passed away a few days after being admitted. It broke my heart. She lived in another country so I had to drop everything and fly over.
I got back last night. DH opened the door for me and went back to his game. Didn't ask how I am, didn't sit down to talk to me. He wanted to finish the match (fifa).
Am I being ridiculous for expecting that if you come back after being away for a few weeks dealing with your mother's death and everything that comes with it, your husband should turn off his playstation and give you his attention?
Or am I just being too sensitive?

twerp yes certain reactions should be intuitive. It doesn't take much to show empathy and support.

Sorry about your loss

I had a similar situation, I left him.

What do I do now? He apologised but he still thinks I got upset over nothing. It's so frustrating...

It's not nothing though, is it.
The fact that he THINKS it's nothing still shows he doesn't really care about you or your feelings.
So, you know, from his perspective you should be "over" your mum dying by now, eh? What about next week, when you're still grieving - is he going to accuse you of dragging it out?

Up to you where you go from here - but his level of care for you is too low.

The fact that he says that you are looking for a problem and trying to cause an argument speaks volumes about the kind of person he is.

I feel so sad. This is not what I was expecting... the past few weeks have been hell, I thought I was coming home to someone who knew it and therefore would be there for me... so now I feel even worse!

What is he usually like in stressful or emotional situations?

I’d be very hurt too. Didn’t he even think to come and meet you?

@glitterbiscuits well he's not usually like that...however, whenever we fight, he gets defensive and/or says he doesn't want to talk anymore...it's very difficult...nothing ever gets resolved right then and there because he cuts the conversation... so we sometimes go a day or two without talking (sometimes longer than that) because 'he doesn't want to talk'... last night he just stormed off to bed...
I'm starting to question whether he loves me at all...

So, his apology was a non-apology then. If he still doesn't get it, and he thinks you're making an issue of it to start an argument (what a stupid fucking assertion, why on earth would you want to have an argument when you've just lost your mum?) then how can he be sorry?

I'm so sorry you've lost your mum, and I'm sorry that the person who you should be able to rely on, has treated you like this. flowers

Oops, I made the flowers into a link by mistake. Here they are again.

9 out of 10 times when I try to talk to him about any issues, I'm trying to start an argument and he doesn't want to argue (his words)
So yesterday 'I was starting again' and why did I even have to say anything? I could have sat next to him whilst he was playing

You could have sat next to him while he played?! Is he having a fucking laugh?!

I'm sorry I rarely get actually angry on here but this is insane. I am so so sorry for your loss. And I am so sorry you came back to this.

I don't think I could let it lie. Basically he's saying the game was more important than You.

He was out of order. That is not how a loving partner should act.

My great uncle passed away yesterday. We were close but totally different to losing a parent. It was expected. I was upstairs when I had the call about it. When I came off the phone I shouted down to my dh to say he had gone, my dh rushed upstairs and hugged me. He was due to leave for work and asked me if I wanted him to stay a bit longer.

That is a normal reaction to something like this.

Sorry for your loss.

I could have sat next to him whilst he was playing

Oh, how kind and thoughtful of him to allow you to sit next to him when he's busy with something so important that he couldn't possibly stop doing it. Selfish bastard.

Has he always been like this if so why did you marry him? It's not possible to be happy married to someone like that you should leave

So sorry for your loss twerp. I've had very similar recently with my DH. My DF died whilst we were abroad and after a few days of being sympathetic, once we were home and I had visited my family ( for just one day) he slipped back into expecting me to just carry on as normal organising everything and not helping me with anything and being downright nasty when I said he needed to help. When I pointed out the way he was behaving he did exactly the same as your DH. Telling me I was starting arguments. He didn't want to argue. Why was I dragging that back up again. At one point he said I was such a victim.
It still hurts now 6 months later and forgive me for being an awful person but I couldn't help thinking 'you'll find out one day how it feels and we'll see how well you cope'
I hope things get better for you - it's so hard when you have something so awful to deal with and feeling as if you the one person who should just doesn't care

Whenever we end up in an argument there are a lot of 'you could haves' coming out of his mouth... you could have kept your mouth shut being one of them quite often...
I could have sat next to him... yeah, if I had just come back from shopping, maybe... the more I think about it all, the more I realise he may actually not care about me that much...

@GreyGardens88 he hasn't always been like this, he used to care.
Or maybe in the beginning he just pretended...

@toomanynamestochoose I'm sorry to hear that! How awful! Did your DH ever apologise?

That is shit, so sorry for your loss OP.

I don't think one can truly understand how that kind of loss feels unless one experiences it however, anyone with a shred of empathy would put themselves in the other person's shoes and comfort them.

When DH's mother died I got our sleeping toddler, put them in a car and drove to be with him at 5am. I held him while he cried. That is what a decent human being would do. When you feel able I suggest you write down how it made you feel in a letter and give it to him, so that it can sink into his dense brain. He owes you a genuine apology not a half hearted one.

What an absolute dickhead.
Saying I point blank hate my mil doesn't even cover it. But if she passed I would do my utmost to help my dh because he loves the witch and I love my dh.
Show him this post. He should be ashamed of himself.

And of course I am very sorry for your loss.

Why did he have to open the door for you, out of interest? Don't you have a key?

Don't let him get away with this OP, it's appalling behaviour. Sounds to me like he was deliberately punishing you for being away.

^This

Yes twerp123 he said sorry not that long ago when I spelled out to him exactly what he did but like your DH he doesn't really get what he did. He minimised everything, made out I was imagining things and then got defensive ( even after apologising) - Just as you have described with your DH. That's why I felt I had to comment. I understand just what you're feeling