To be upset?

[twerp123]

A few weeks ago my Mum was taken to hospital. She spent a few days in the ICU, unconscious, and unfortunately passed away a few days after being admitted. It broke my heart. She lived in another country so I had to drop everything and fly over.
I got back last night. DH opened the door for me and went back to his game. Didn't ask how I am, didn't sit down to talk to me. He wanted to finish the match (fifa).
Am I being ridiculous for expecting that if you come back after being away for a few weeks dealing with your mother's death and everything that comes with it, your husband should turn off his playstation and give you his attention?
Or am I just being too sensitive?

Sounds like he had the hump from doing everything for a couple of weeks and decided to give you the cold shoulder for a while to teach you a lesson. Nice.

jesus fuck the man's a grade A arsehole! [anger]

When I got back from the hospital with just the news that my mother was dying, DH had tears in his eyes for me and gave me a huge bearhug. He got me a cup of tea and made dinner for me.

So so so sorry for you - you have all my sympathy, not just for the loss of your mother, but for the fact you have an unfeeling twat for a husband as well. :(

Very shabby behaviour, but unless he is unbearably heartless all the time,
I’m not sure I’d rush into a major life change straight after dm passing.

Oh I see. Did not realise that but still should have been kinder to you when you got home.

:( id be really sad about that

You've just had a painful reminder that life is short.

Do you want to spend the rest of yours with a selfish twat?

When I received the devastating news that my dad had died, my friend who i was with immediately called my now-DH who had just left for the day. He immediately turned around and came back, dropping everything he was supposed to do that day, and stayed with me. When it was time to sort out travel arrangements to meet with my mum and sister, travel for funeral, etc, he made them all and came with me.

That is what a real supportive man does.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

No that is not a normal reaction , it’s awful! Your mum has died, he should be meeting you at the door with a hug, asking how you are, making you a cup if tea.

That's awful OP. Is he always so uncaring? He has let you down hugely.

I am very sorry for your loss. It's very hard to lose your mother. Much love and sympathy. Find some kind and caring friends to hug you and take care of yourself.

Im sorry for your sad loss Twerp. What an upsetting few weeks youve had .

He called and texted me every day when I was away
I think this is your answer. In his mind hes already dealt with your bereavement at the time and took care of the home practicalities while you were away. He has supported you in this way and probably felt that you had enough time to recover while you travelled back home.
He needs to be put right about this of course but maybe with probing rather than going off at the deep end.

Yanbu that's really bad. So sorry for your loss

I agree with inspace and with dragons

If someone I loved was in your position I would have arranged childcare so that I could collect you from the airport and listened to you on the journey home, given you lots of hugs and attention.

He has shown you who he is now - you just have to decide how low your bar is.

Dont let him manipulate you into thinking your over reacting.

How he behaved is digusting.
I would seriously have a think about your relationship with this man.

Id go to a friends for a few days and let him stew.

In his mind hes already dealt with your bereavement at the time and took care of the home practicalities while you were away. Hehassupported you in this way and probably felt that you had enough time to recover while you travelled back home.

Seriously?

Anyone with a half of a brain cell and an ounce of empathy would know that when they're partner comes home from another country after the loss of their mother, is to open the door and give them a bug hug and tell them your sorry or they'll be there for you.

To not ask her how she was, to stay with her and go back to FIFA is a kick in the teeth to say the least!

I dont know why your trying to justify this behaviour.

He's apologised. He said he was feeling really tired and cranky last night.
But to be honest... I still feel sad. I always thought certain 'reactions' were natural. Like comforting someone who is upset...

Oh no - he was feeling tired and cranky. Poor him. Maybe you should run around and make him a cup of tea and cook him his favourite meal?

twerp it is natural to comfort someone - especially your wife!

He was too tired and cranky to give you a hug and a kiss but not too cranky to back and play on his game? Totally selfish.

It will have been his FIFA that put him in a bad mood- i can sometimes hear my DP when playing that game!

Its not acceptable to put games before your partner especially in them circumstances

I’m not advising to leave him , that’d be ridiculous of me.

His coldness and lack of love he showed you last night is appalling. I’d struggle to get past that if I was in your shoes.

YANBU but does he have other problems with empathy or understanding emotions? My OH has never done anything like this, but he struggles to understand others' emotions sometimes. He's very good at the practical stuff, but in terms of offering emotional support, he doesn't really know what to do or how to act. I suspect there's perhaps an element of Aspergers or some other undiagnosed social disorder in there. He gets frustrated as he wants to be able to offer XYZ but honestly doesn't know how, so I've just accepted that about him and realise that when he doesn't offer what I'm looking for, I need to tell him. I've got into the habit now of spelling it out - I might call or text if I'm on the way home from something and say 'Look, I'm really upset about this so could you put the kettle on and give me a big hug when I come in?'

If your OH is similar, then he might have focused on the practical solutions - dealing with the children and house, contacting you every day - and not know what to say or do when you returned home.

It was a shitty thing to do but I wouldn't write him off entirely for this one episode. I would let him know how upset you are, though, and lay out expectations for the future.

Hoe do you feel towards him now? Does he still feel you’re over reacting or get it yet?

Yanbu

Ultimately his actions have told you everything you needed to know.

YANBU
I'm sorry about your mum.
I lost my mum a few months ago and it means a lot to me when people acknowledge it and show that they're concerned for me.

I'm single but I'd be so upset if I had a partner and they didn't show any concern at all

for me, the fact that he didn’t drop everything to be at your side and hold your hand through this would be enough of a warning bell. I realise you have D.C. and he needed to see to them however somethings are bigger than that. I sorry for your loss

He really doesn't get it. He doesn't see how what he did last night is such a big deal. Is it so difficult to understand that in certain situations, if you love someone you drop everything for them? He said that I was looking for a problem and trying to cause an argument...

He's an unfeeling wankbadger and I hope he's just feeling guilty about his shit reaction - but maybe he doesn't really care after all.

Either way, you should tell him that you are not looking for a fight, you just feel really let down and that he doesn't care about your feelings at all. :(