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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If it came to divorce - would this be a reasonable request?

85 replies

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:46

It's looking possible that DH and I are nearing the end of our marriage. Nobody has mentioned divorce yet but I'm a forward planner and have been thinking about the logistics.

Basically we own the house jointly and in the eyes of the law, own 50/50 each. Morally however I know that DH put around £20k more into it when we first moved in. I'm not a scammer so would not try and take that from him. So in the event of divorce, the house would, I'm assuming be sold and he would get his £20k back and the rest would be split equally. I couldn't get a mortgage on this house as a single person and couldn't afford to buy him out. So either way, I'd have to leave eventually.

However, I work on a casual hours contract so in order to get a mortgage for any house, I'd need to get a full time, permanent position which thankfully won't be a problem in my line of work.

Would it be an unreasonable request to suggest to DH that I stay here for a year to two years - paying the full mortgage and all associated costs/bills and he move out? This would give me the time to get a permanent job, be in said job for required amount of time and also save for a deposit for another house? He would stop all financial contributions from the date he moves out and when it comes to selling, he'd have two years worth of mortgage payments (from me) added to the overall investment? Then we sell, he gets the £20k back and the rest is split (including the two years payments from me).

Also, that way my youngest son will be an adult and no longer reliant on me to house him.

Is it reasonable?

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 27/01/2018 09:47

Wouldn't you have more money if you rented somewhere cheaper tho? Sorry I don't understand how this benefits you?

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:49

Just to add, I had a permanent full time position and it was DH that encouraged me to leave it and work casual hours instead. He also encouraged me to come out of my pension plan whilst he has a good pension waiting for him when he retires - of which we've paid into monthly since we've been together. I wouldn't try and claim that even though the payments have essentially come from household money.

OP posts:

EllaHen · 27/01/2018 09:50

How would you be able to afford mortgage plus full bills for two years on casual contract if you wouldn't be able to afford it on full time wages?

Doesn't make sense.

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:50

The rent around here is more expensive than our mortgage payments. We pay £500 a month for a four bed detached house. Renting id be lucky to get a small flat for the same amount.

OP posts:

EllaHen · 27/01/2018 09:51

You need to speak with a lawyer - you seem to be intent on disadvantaging yourself.

Spam88 · 27/01/2018 09:51

No idea about the house sorry, but you're entitled to half his pension fund.

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:52

The causal hours is full time hours, practically guaranteed. When I say I couldn't afford a mortgage on it I mean the banks wouldn't give me one as I'm not classed as being in permanent work. If they did give me one, I could easily afford it but I know they won't.

OP posts:

bigtissue · 27/01/2018 09:53

You should get proper legal advice for this because a family solicitor knows what the courts will decide so you can direct your attention where it's needed. Don't just rely on your friends' experiences because people's situations do vary.

Speaking as a recently divorced person, I tended to value divorce advice more when I was paying an expert for it

shakingmyhead1 · 27/01/2018 09:53

if your son is a minor you can stay in the house, he pays the mortgage
( the husband) and you pay him half the market rent, then once your son is of age AND finished his schooling then you both sell and split the proceeds ( well that's how friends did it here in NZ, the judge said that was fair) and did you give up work when you had your son? if so you gave up a lot of potential earnings to be a mother so 50/50 is fair, you would have saved and put in towards the deposit for the home or contributed towards it

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:53

I earn £22k. Mortgage is £500 a month. I could afford it. The bank just wouldn't give me a mortgage until I'm in a permanent contract.

OP posts:

AmberTopaz · 27/01/2018 09:54

In these circumstances you should definitely get half his pension, whatever happens with the house.

Sparkletastic · 27/01/2018 09:54

Don't give up on negotiating a share of his pension and reconsider your stance on that £20k if DS is your son by him and you did any full time parenting that disadvantaged your career. See a solicitor.

MajesticWhine · 27/01/2018 09:54

I'm not sure about this. I put 100k into our house from an inheritance when my dad died. I wouldn't expect to get that back if we divorced. I would expect a 50/50 split. It was 17 years ago. DH has earned and contributed a lot more than me in the meantime.
So I don't see why he gets the 20k back. But I don't know much about this.

shakingmyhead1 · 27/01/2018 09:55

you need a lawyer

FrogsSpawnofSanta · 27/01/2018 09:55

Why not go back to work full time now? That way you are eligible for a mortgage sooner.

Sharing a house when separated is harder than it sounds. I think you would find one if you want out sooner.

Also if you have paid into the pension take what you are entitled to. You will need it to add to a pension of your own.

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:55

I'm not in it to take whatever I can get. I'm not wanting to take more than I morally should even though I know I probably could legally. All I want is this house for two years and enough money to then buy somewhere else.

OP posts:

Acloserlook · 27/01/2018 09:55

Is the marriage definitely beyond repair?

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:57

My son is not DHs son. He's 16 so won't be long before he's independent. We've been together 6 years so not a long marriage.

OP posts:

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:58

I think so acloserlook. It's been on the decline for a while but the recent issues with my son has put the final nails in the coffin I think.

OP posts:

Chaosofcalm · 27/01/2018 09:58

If you work casual or reduced and hours and have not furthered your career because you were at home looking after your joint children the morally I would say you are entitled to more than just half the house eg pension etc.

How much is the house worth? Will the kids be continuing to live with you? If the house was sold would you be able to use the proceeds to out right buy a new but smaller property?

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 09:59

I actually feel a tinge of excitement when I think about seperating. That tells me it's hanging on by a thread.

OP posts:

Inertia · 27/01/2018 09:59

You need to speak to a lawyer. Are you frightened of your husband, or suffering as a result of control issues? You seem desperate to appear him, to the point where you are trying to give up things you're entitled to.

As you're married, you are both entitled to a fair share of the house, all pension funds etc. Presumably you cut your work hours to bring up children? A judge would ensure that assets are split fairly and in the best interests of the children.

LittleOwl153 · 27/01/2018 10:00

Much of this depends on how long you have been together and whether your son is his. If you have only been together 2yrs say and the son is not his responsibility then you might be on the right lines- though if dh can't afford to buy on this basis I doubt he'd agree.
If in the other hand the 16yrs? Old is his, I'd say you'd been together too long for such agreements and you should split all 50/50. Get some proper advise!

Original poster

MonaLiPeach · 27/01/2018 10:00

My eldest son is moving out in August. Youngest is still here and is having a lot of problems so he needs full support.

The house is worth around £160k. We bought it for £140k and it has around £100k left on the mortgage.

OP posts:

GabriellaMontez · 27/01/2018 10:01

Speak to a lawyer.

Agreed you seem intent on disadvantaging yourself.

Reconsider the deposit especially as you stopped paying into pension. Why?!

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