If it came to divorce - would this be a reasonable request?

[MonaLiPeach]

It's looking possible that DH and I are nearing the end of our marriage. Nobody has mentioned divorce yet but I'm a forward planner and have been thinking about the logistics.

Basically we own the house jointly and in the eyes of the law, own 50/50 each. Morally however I know that DH put around £20k more into it when we first moved in. I'm not a scammer so would not try and take that from him. So in the event of divorce, the house would, I'm assuming be sold and he would get his £20k back and the rest would be split equally. I couldn't get a mortgage on this house as a single person and couldn't afford to buy him out. So either way, I'd have to leave eventually.

However, I work on a casual hours contract so in order to get a mortgage for any house, I'd need to get a full time, permanent position which thankfully won't be a problem in my line of work.

Would it be an unreasonable request to suggest to DH that I stay here for a year to two years - paying the full mortgage and all associated costs/bills and he move out? This would give me the time to get a permanent job, be in said job for required amount of time and also save for a deposit for another house? He would stop all financial contributions from the date he moves out and when it comes to selling, he'd have two years worth of mortgage payments (from me) added to the overall investment? Then we sell, he gets the £20k back and the rest is split (including the two years payments from me).

Also, that way my youngest son will be an adult and no longer reliant on me to house him.

Is it reasonable?

I can see that you are trying to be reasonable and fair.
However, you have been disadvantaged to an extent by your marriage.

You've given up a permanent job so have lost your financial independence (even though you are confident that you can regain it in two years). Did you change your job status so you could take on most of the domestic duties?

I agree that taking half the pension is unreasonable but you should be compensated in some way for the 6 years stopped pension contributions.

I also think that if you do end up staying in the house for a year or so, then you should take your additional mortgage payments into account in your favour in the same way that his £20K deposit is in his.

Take legal advice, not because you want to take him for every penny but, to protect your financial interests and ensure you both get a fair settlement.

FWIW, I would say the same to your DH if your situations were reversed and it was him that had given up the security of a permanent job.

Sorry you find yourself in this position and I hope you are able to resolve your issues amicably.

You have your own mind. Even if dh encouraged you to leave your pension - you chose to do it.

I'd work out what your pension contributions would have been from when you stopped and then deduct that from his 20k of the house money on the condition u won't touch his pension. Then u can invest this sum in a pension plan.

It's always better to cut your losses tbh and sell the house.

Did he encourage you to freelance to enable u to support dc?

He doesn't sound like the kind of person to let you stay in the house.If he buys you out,he gets his £20k,costs and divide by 2 and all you will have is about £20000 and nowhere to live.
You need a solicitor.

OP, if you accused him of being a manipulative, bullying arsehole, do you think he'd tie himself in knots trying to make sure he was extra generous to you in the divorce settlement to prove himself?

@MonaLiPeach

You're getting an overwhelming opinion which you are ignoring. Why bother to ask if you've decided what you're going to do?

OMG, I do totally understand your feelings about not wanting to live down to his expectations, but you have to understand that he is totally playing you and knows that would be your response, and he's banking on you responding in that way to screw you out of what you are legally entitled to!

I totally get it, I do - but please don't disadvantage yourself on a point of pride. Please please get that legal advice.

OMG, I do totally understand your feelings about not wanting to live down to his expectations, but you have to understand that he is totally playing you and knows that would be your response, and he's banking on you responding in that way to screw you out of what you are legally entitled to!

Just thought I'd repeat this because it bears so, so, so much repeating.

What Thumb said.

I don't understand why you are trying to be so generous to a man who is trying to screw you over as much as he possibly can, and then allow him to accuse you of trying to gold-dig for money which is yours anyway.

A share of the pension is legally and morally yours- you've paid into it. The house (including the down payment) is a marital asset. You do not need your husband's permission to ask for a share of things which which you already own a share of. You do need advice from a lawyer. Your desire to appease your husband is going to end up risking the financial security of you and your children.

Don't be a mug

Your desire to appease your husband is going to end up risking the financial security of you and your children.

Yup.

This.

Oh and - THIS ^^