To ask about the advantages of private school?

[longestlurkerever]

This is probably going to come across badly, but I'm interested in hearing people's opinions. I went to a middle of the road state school and then Oxford. I came away with a first class law degree and a training contract at a magic circle law firm. Although I didn't especially enjoy secondary school, I suppose I've always thought that it did the trick and my dds wouldn't lose anything if they had the same education as me. Recently though I've been working through some stuff with the help of a leadership course at work and realise that, even once you bag the job, there are an awful lot of unwritten rules that I am not sure I am fully understand - how to network effectively, how to have authority in senior meetings and just generally how to go through life feeling assured and confident and have been wondering if this is what private schooling is really all about? I still am not sure I'd choose private school for my dds even if it is, and would have to make some tough decisions to afford it anyway, but I am interested in what the benefits are so I can weigh them up.

I went to a little mixed prep school then onto another private school for girls, we moved to the other side of the country when I was 13 and was sent to a state school, it was a horrible culture shock, I spoke so differently, behaved differently (I was a proper little lady) and was horrendously awkward around boys. I was bullied until the day I left.
If you send your DC to a private school ensure you put provisions in place to keep them there all their school years!
Educationally and socially I thrived at private school, at a state school I was awkward, different and was socially awkward, I lacked the ability to mess around and behave like my peers (maybe that was just me though) I did terribly in my GCSE’s and ended up an office junior doing NVQ’s. At 21 I became a promotions girl.
My parents wanted to send my DD to a little local prep school, I refused. She went to the local village primary followed by the next towns academy, she then went to college in our nearest city and achieved top grades, she finished uni in May and is flying.
I think it all depends on the child not their schooling as to how much they achieve.

I agree that it could be pushy if they didn’t want to do these activities but they do! I forgot Scouts and football too, although the latter is after school (and one set of music lessons are taken at school too). There is also D of E and Ten Tours come to think of it! We still spend a huge lot less on these activities than we would paying fees for private education.

*Tors

It wasn't so much the network's itself I meant. I have those from Oxford. It's more the knowledge of how to go about using them without feeling like a total pseud. Similarly it wasn't social skills so much as authority and comfort with public speaking. I am fully aware that lots of people feel less awkward than I do without the benefit of private school. I felt equally out of my depth working behind a bar for the same reasons.

I think a lot depends on the child and the local schools TBH. As with all things, there are good and bad private schools. Some schools suit some children better than others as well, so I think it is very dependent on your child.

For us, the local schools aren't wonderful and the local private prep is really very good with small class sizes and lots of academic, music/art and sporting facilities and opportunities. Which were definitely not available in our local state school. I am very happy with our choice, DD is thriving and achieving lots. I am sure she would have been "ok" in the local school- but feel she is has benefitted from her prep school in terms of the extra-curricular things she has participated in particularly. Educationally, she is further along than children's friends who are state school and feel she is very much allowed to work at her own pace. How much of this is due to DD being bright and how much is down to the school I can't be sure- I really do think they have been wonderful though. Wrap around care was also a pull for me.

All in all, I think private was the right decision for us. It may not be for everyone.

And yes, I do think she has more "polish" and poise/confidence- especially in public speaking/performance than some children. Most children in her school seem comfortable with that sort of thing- because they've been doing small presentations and so on from a very early stage. But I think this probably also happens in some good state schools.

Longest I think it's ok to worry even if you are in the privileged position of being able to choose.
I'm from a working class background, state educated. It never occurred to me that I would pay for private education or that I would have children who would really benefit from it.

I felt uncomfortable and I was embarrassed telling my colleagues. Some were insightful enough to say they were buying all sorts of privilege for their own children by being able to move and live in a nice house in the catchment area of a nice school and provide or buy any help or experiences for their own children.

Good luck with your decision making. I'm sure your DD will thrive from having you be an involved, supportive and thoughtful parent.

Thankschilly! good luck to you too!

I think you should also consider the impact of the current government's policy on state education. School funding

The school cuts will have ramifications for years to come and will widen the inequality between state and private education.

The NHS cuts are emotive and the public outcry is far louder than the school budget cuts. Guess who will get more money from the government?

Completely agree about the current state school funding issue. I volunteer at our school and have friends who are teachers at various state schools, so can see and hear about some of it first-hand. The schools can't provide the level of education they want to as they are struggling to even pay for the basics. The funding situation is getting worse and worse. State school children aren't getting the education they deserve. It is so sad to see, and a driving factor behind our decision to move our DC to the private sector at some point.

My local state secondary stat: 40% 5 A-C GCSEs. slightly better than my comprehensive back in the day, but not OK IMO.

To get into the school with better stats one must have the means to pay a massive price premium on housing.

I sent my son to private for almost all of his infant/junior years. I sent him to state for senior as had got divorced and couldn’t justify the fees. In fairness the state school is top performing in our MBC area but in honesty my son was never suited to the single sex private system and I believe I wasted my money. If your child is academically highly gifted, I would say based on what I’ve withessed that private is very beneficial - I’m talking ambitions to be neurosurgeon level.

State schooled medic here, married to a public school boy. A few observations; when arriving at med school the state educated kids needed to be "built up" taught public speaking, confidence, poise etc. The privately educated kids needed to be "knocked down" taught humility and sympathy. At the end of five years you couldn't (and still can't tell us apart).
Dh and his contempories can show breath taking snobbery, they were genuinely taught they were better than the comprehensively educated children in the town where their public school was located. Dh tells me he was surprised to find state educated people on his university course. This was 25 years ago of course and I am sure attitudes have changed, but it is a pretty unpalatable attitude really. No idea if this is what people refer to as confidence. Tbh I think I am better at talking to people I don't know than Dh.

The school, teachers but mostly the parents. We had a huge range of diversity in my private school far morrioson than my state, we had kids with mild ld, kids coming in from Kenya etc.
We had a few families who gp paid for the education. One family in particular... The actual parents had no interest in the dc... Never went to pe or school shows. They didn't have same confidence... As dc whose parents took an interest.

I agree about the current cuts. It is heart breaking.

Education is a relatively soft target politically compared with the NHS. The news footage of patients asleep on the floor in A&E is more attention grabbing than individual kids struggling.

I know a child that is meant to be a class with 2 TAs. The TAs have left. The school have had to half their support staff due to funding cuts.

Child is stressed, panicking, failing. The effects in terms of results will be felt years from now when current politicians have moved on.

My DCs have some issues (dyslexia, sensory issues etc). The older one is stressed and underperforming in nice comp. I am buying the youngest the type of education all kids should have.

.... The current government funding policy.....

And yet league tables just shown up local school again that has been failing for decades... Under successive government!!

I would be concerned anout private schools with small class sizes as this may not be sustainable financially. A well-respected school near me failed recently and if another school hadn’t stepped in at the last moment the children would have suddenly been without a school place - including children in GCSE and A level years. It’s worth looking very carefully at the accounts where class sizes are small.

One thing I've observed is that in my friendship group now of say 30 x 40yr olds, some successful in their career, some on low salaries; that there is no correlation whatsoever between who has the better job and who went to private; it's a complete mix and you can't tell any more.
I'm sure the private school dc probably did get better GCSE's but I don't know and we all ended up at the same uni, on a level par.

My fiance went to private school, I didn't. We have similar results. He says the main advantage were the opportunities he had to do different activities. Larger range of sports, larger range of clubs, more trips etc

It’s worth looking very carefully at the accounts where class sizes are small.

And where grounds and buildings are large. In fact, it's always worth looking at them (usually available from the Charities Commission website). One very "grand" school near us, for example, leases its buildings on a short term basis. If the owners get a better offer, there may be no school at all and standard terms are one term's notice.....

I don't think it has anything to do with State or Private education. My DD , like you OP is just finishing her degree at Cambridge following full state education in the state sector. She has that 'hold a room' confidence. That you are interested in.

I believe it has EVERYTHING to do with the life education received OUT of school. Confidence to talk and have an opinion on a large variety of experiences . Encouraging the formation of political opinion, travel, (mine have all gone travelling with friends post GCSE & A'level.), independence. Planning for themselves from an early age. (Buying and planning pack lunches from yr 5, washing own uniform from year 7) . All these small things inspire confidence. It is not about money. Private education would never have been an option for my children. It about upbringing and encouraging them to be their own person.

Like you OP even if Private was an option I do not believe it would have done mine any favours because of the lack of people from diverse economic backgrounds . This way, they have the best of both. They can sit down with a 'prince or a pauper' and have understanding of both.

Americanos
My year 7 ds is autistic and has SPD
We send him to a tiny non selective private school in the North east and they are amazing
He has a TA that he seems to have to himself for maths English and science
We don’t pay anything extra.
He has an hour once a week with the senco who is also his French teacher . They draw, talk and she helps with homework if he’s stuck. She sorts out any issue the same day .

He was worried about sport and when I asked if he could avoid rugby they said he should try it but if it didn’t work out they would reassess
I had an email later that day with photos of him mid action playing rugby 😬

My oldest has aspergers only diagnosed at 17 and went to big state school
If only I’d known before .
Please don’t assume you pay .

Kittens I couldn't agree more.

In fact dh and I have both been in awkward circumstances where clients / work colleagues say awful things about state schools and are when we admit we both went!

Plus the stats about the privately educated people being at the top - these are people whose parents or families could pay the fees, i.e. Wealthy and motivated so no shit they are at the top! The schools themselves probably not the point, that group would succeed anyway.

Being independent by doing own lunches etc is not the issue. Yes I can see travelling abroad alone would help confidence. Lets be honest, this is about money and status

Those saying there's better sports/drama and so forth, I'm not sure that's always true any more. One of mine goes to a local comp and she plays sports after school in free clubs twice a week, there's football, netball, gymnastics and so on. She's in a drama club that puts on productions ever term. There's no free music tuition, it's paid for in school time. My dd's grammar school has literally the best art department I have ever seen, the work is truly outstanding; there are heaps of clubs/choir tours/music opportunities.

I do wonder if people have been in their local comps for a while. I agree when I was at school, there were fewer opportunities and a really negative attitude towards those that joined in, but I've been pleasantly surprised at how much my dd's comprehensive does clubs, volunteer opportunities and so on, way more than I had anticipated and how much there is a more positive attitude about joining in/competing with other schools, she's had to drop some as there were so many!