To have lost a bit of faith in son's school? Questioning discipline tactics

[Mrsknackered]

DS is 4 and in reception class. Up until Christmas, he was doing really well, thriving, excited to go, etc. About a week ago, there was a cock up with payment for his milk (on their behalf not mine) and when break time came he was refused milk and told by TA 'mummy didn't pay for your milk'. He is very sensitive and finds calming down tough, by the time CM collected him from school he was still really distraught and had had a crappy day.

Then the following day there was an incident where he scratched another child after an argument, first time this has happened in nursery or school, school handled it well, we did an apology card at home and screen time was taken away for 2 days. Four days later, another child pushes him and calls him a mean name (mean for a 4 year old). DS told the teacher on duty, he was told to find someone else to play with. They inevitably return to playing with each other, and DS pushes said child. He is disciplined with back against the wall in the playground and had some points removed from their points system, because he had been 'told to find someone else to play with'

I expressed that I thought this was a bit unfair but agreed he should be disciplined for hurting someone. Was then informed as two incidents had occurred in a week that he had to wear a sash at break/lunch so that people were aware that 'he had been in trouble' I point blank refused, said it would isolate him and as he is a very sensitive child, this could cause a lot of distress for him. Was told this was protocol, other children have had this, blah blah. I said I didn't care, he wasn't going to be attending the following week if he was going to be ostracised in this way. Who would want to play with the 'naughty' child?!
So he didn't get placed in the sash, behaviour has been much better but he is sad and doesn't want to go to school - which is unlike him.

I feel a bit betrayed by the school in a way. I was apologised to for the milk saga, but he wasn't and ultimately it was him that was upset. I suggested maybe this was what was needed but it fell on deaf ears. I'm worried about sending him in and have been very nervous since on pick ups just incase something has happened. WIBU to refuse the sash wearing? And AIBU to feel like I've lost trust in the school? Not really sure if this is normal or not (he's our first)

Report both the sash and milk money lists to Ofsted. They probably won't do anything about it immediately, but they'll take a note and may bring forward the next inspection.

I've taught in primary schools for 26 years....No no no to the use of the sash

Report both the sash and milk money lists to Ofsted. They probably won't do anything about it immediately, but they'll take a note and may bring forward the next inspection
Or the OP could be the reasonable and sensible person that they are and discus it with school like adults and follow appropriate procedure.

@DullAndOld Didn't I say this would happen? Be outraged! Go straight to Ofsted! At times the ridiculous 'go as high as you feel like' advice amuses me, but then I remember there's actually quite a reasomable number of posters who love a good fume to governors/LA/Ofsted that it's all about them trying to feel powerful and point score than actually resolve a situation.

Fuck that, it all sounds hideous.

The sash is a complete and utter no-no. If this wasn't Mumsnet I'd be assuming you'd made it all up. Certainly talk to ofsted about it. Humiliating punishments are not allowed.

I was a bit 'meh' and preparing to tell you to get a grip... until the bit about the sash. The milk thing sounds like human error and a TA trying to explain to your DS why he wasn't given milk. The pushing and the way it was dealt with, well, not ideal, but in a busy playground that's the sort of thing that happens.

The sash, however, is deliberate humiliation of a child, and not an appropriate punishment at any age. I would ask to speak to the headteacher and see if you can persuade the school to stop doing it before going to Ofsted.

My first thought was this couldn't be a regular state maintained infant/primary school as well.

Totally agree about writing to governors.

It doesn't need to be a formal complaint but rather a these things have happened, poor resolution of the situation have escalated it to this. Sash being totally morally incomprehensible and unethical and asking them to review policy to ensure fairness for all and appropriate consequences for poor (even if age appropriate) behaviour.

Report both the sash and milk money lists to Ofsted. They probably won't do anything about it immediately, but they'll take a note and may bring forward the next inspection.

You can't complain to Ofsted until you have been through the school's own complaints system.

The milk money thing is really a big nothing. Your son was upset because it wasn't what he was expecting. This is the thing you and the school need to help your ds with. He doesn't need an apology. The TA hasn't done anything wrong.

As I've said previously, the sash thing is completely unacceptable and needs to be fact with. A previous poster is right that you need to go through the correct complaints procedure. You've spoken to the class teacher, so next, you may need to speak to the key stage leader or deputy head. The complaints procedure should be on the school website.

I work in a primary school and cover lunchtime/playtime duties sometimes, and think that the whole pushing and standing against a wall thing is a bit of an overreaction on your part. This happens, it's not the end of the world.

The sash punishment is absolutely awful. If you've spoken to the class teacher already and not had any joy, then you need to go higher up and speak to the head. Still no acceptable response? Speak to the governors.

The wall is pretty standard. We use similar to give children a few minutes to calm and reflect on their behaviour. Then there might be a chat with someone on duty and some apologies. They're never there for more than a few minutes.

The sash thing is bloody awful and I'd bet they wouldn't use that during an Ofsted inspection which is why it isn't in their behaviour policy.

Children not on the milk list probably hate it and don't want it, so parents haven't bothered to pay, or are allergic to it. Having a milk list is not something Ofsted needs to know about !! TA did nothing wrong.

Yes there should be a consequence for hurting another child but where was the consequence for the child who hit him first? Discipline systems should be consistent And simple to understand. All children need to be told what behaviour is unacceptable and what the consequences are.

The sash thing is horrible and is not a system that any school should be implementing imo. I'd be complaining about that and escalating if necessary.

Update: Got a phone call this morning from the behaviour coordinator/family liaison for KS1. The yellow sash 'idea' is no longer in practice. They will put together a positive reinforcement chart for him instead.
I mentioned the fact that the milk lists are out in the open, and that DS was aware of what children hadn't paid for their milk, they said they were sure that most of children on the yellow list probably had dietary requirements/intolerances, but they weren't aware these lists were visible to children and was going to address it straight away.

That's good. I wonder whose idea the sash was

I bet someone's in the doghouse over the sash.

The sash 'idea' is Dickensian
Dont staff have to pass some training before they are allowed near actual live children?

I agree. Someone's head is rolling right now. The Head's should be as well. S/he surely knew what was going on head's own school.

Well done mrsknackered, good result and you sorted it calmly, no drama, which is good for your DS to see.

Hope this is the start of a more positive school experience for both if you.