To have lost a bit of faith in son's school? Questioning discipline tactics

[Mrsknackered]

DS is 4 and in reception class. Up until Christmas, he was doing really well, thriving, excited to go, etc. About a week ago, there was a cock up with payment for his milk (on their behalf not mine) and when break time came he was refused milk and told by TA 'mummy didn't pay for your milk'. He is very sensitive and finds calming down tough, by the time CM collected him from school he was still really distraught and had had a crappy day.

Then the following day there was an incident where he scratched another child after an argument, first time this has happened in nursery or school, school handled it well, we did an apology card at home and screen time was taken away for 2 days. Four days later, another child pushes him and calls him a mean name (mean for a 4 year old). DS told the teacher on duty, he was told to find someone else to play with. They inevitably return to playing with each other, and DS pushes said child. He is disciplined with back against the wall in the playground and had some points removed from their points system, because he had been 'told to find someone else to play with'

I expressed that I thought this was a bit unfair but agreed he should be disciplined for hurting someone. Was then informed as two incidents had occurred in a week that he had to wear a sash at break/lunch so that people were aware that 'he had been in trouble' I point blank refused, said it would isolate him and as he is a very sensitive child, this could cause a lot of distress for him. Was told this was protocol, other children have had this, blah blah. I said I didn't care, he wasn't going to be attending the following week if he was going to be ostracised in this way. Who would want to play with the 'naughty' child?!
So he didn't get placed in the sash, behaviour has been much better but he is sad and doesn't want to go to school - which is unlike him.

I feel a bit betrayed by the school in a way. I was apologised to for the milk saga, but he wasn't and ultimately it was him that was upset. I suggested maybe this was what was needed but it fell on deaf ears. I'm worried about sending him in and have been very nervous since on pick ups just incase something has happened. WIBU to refuse the sash wearing? And AIBU to feel like I've lost trust in the school? Not really sure if this is normal or not (he's our first)

In Dickens' David Copperfield, a child is made to wear a board at his new school that tells everyone to be careful of him as he "bites". That novel was published in 1850.

I'd rather hoped that society had come on since then...

I think you should check the school's behaviour policy. It should be online (along with anti-bullying policy and complains policy).

I'm struggling to see how the sash isn't institutional bullying - some one in power denigrating another in public, deliberately and (potentially) repeatedly (guessing there's no limit to the number of times you can be 'awarded' the sash).

The sash is... well, I'm speechless, to be honest. It's a disgraceful, disgusting thing to do to a child.

I'm a primary teacher and am appalled by the sash. We don't even have visual behaviour boards anymore because it was humiliating for children, let alone a bloody sash!

This is quite shocking! I would ask the school if they have heard of restorative practice - are they living in the 19th Century?

I think the facts about the sash need to be established (behaviour policy, it should explain potential sanctions). If it's true, I'd be making it my business to have it stopped and asking the head/governing body to reconsider the behaviour policy. I might get in touch with the local authority too.

If it's as you think it is, it's cannot continue.

I would be tempted to make everyone a sash; a Spartacus moment.

Change schools, if this is real it’s bullying and humiliating and I child should have to wear anything which singles them out for being badly behaved, struggling to believe it’s true!

100% true, I was told by the class teacher.

School is in West Yorkshire, it does very well in Ofsted. Just goes to show that those reports can mean jack shit.

Need help penning a letter, any ideas?

Primary school teacher here.

1. Everyone’s child is sensitive, not just yours. Sorry, but they are.
2. As a result, the sash thing is awful!! Hate it! I would not use it in my classroom. Wouldn’t even have the thing allowed in through my classroom door.

Do you mean a PE band? Or an actual sash?

Are you sure that it was not so that supervisors would be able to find him and support him? Like a friendship band?

Is the school called Lowood because it sounds like Jane Eyre's school.

Primary governor here and I would be enraged if this was our School. It is horrendous. I would be tempted to send the daily fail on them.

That's what I was thinking Commongrounds. A visual prompt for staff who don't necessarily know the pupils by sight to 'catch them being good'. E.g. to comment on any positive behaviour spotted in the playground.

Love the stereotypical bitch TA comment How about the teacher 'refusing' to give him the milk (or, more likely, there wasn't any allocated to him) and when he started to get upset the TA comforted him and told him gently It's because mummy didn't pay for your milk. I suppose being bitchy to 4 year olds is more common among EYFS staff. Not,

Its not 'gentle' to tell a 4 year old their parent has done something wrong. One of my ds has been really upset & had to check his packed lunch every day because 'mummy really should give you more in your packed lunch' (he's a picky eater but his GP and dietian are fully in support of how I feed him so now Im having to put extra food in that comes home & gets binned otherwise he gets really upset).

My dc are not responsible for my behaviour & by making them feel they are (there was another incident where they lost his wellies and told him he couldnt play outside because mummy forgot them) it has a hige impact on how I feel about nursery.

Is the school called Lowood because it sounds like Jane Eyre's school.

I was halfway through typing the same thing. When something is held up as an example of harsh practice in the Victorian times...

Wtf! Was thinking you were overreacting until I got to the sash bit. I've been a teacher for 20 years and never come across anything remotely like this.

Not saying I don't believe you, just shocked.

Can you be any more specific re W Yorks?

I once worked in a school which had a horrible public humiliation as part of its behaviour policy.

Any children who had lost a certain number of points during the week had to miss part of their playtime on Friday. Not a horrible punishment on the face of it.

However, the way it was administered was awful. All the children went out to play together, and then at a certain time, the teacher had to blow the whistle and all the children stood still on the playground. Then, all the children who had lost part of the playtime had to walk off the playground whilst being stared at by all the other children.

I absolutely hated the system, and my duty was always on a Friday when the "punishment" had to be administered. I challenged the headteacher but was told it had to happen. I got round it announcing at the beginning of playtime that I would just wave when it was time for the children to go in. I was dammed if I was going to humiliate those children by making them be stared at!

OP, the sash thing is just hideous. Well done for challenging it. It's completely inappropriate and damaging for children's self esteem.

Move him
And complain to the Governors
Back to the wall is bad enough but the sash is horrendous and inexcusable

this is what schools are like tbh
Real helpful
I love it when a poster has a concern about a school situation and someone turns up with their awesome assessments of entire sectors.

OP
That sounds awful. I would get the name of the member(s) of staff om duty on those days and ask to arrange for a chat with the class teacher. The inconsistencies in terms of how children were treated is an issue the school needs to deal with. Your DC and the other child should both have been sanctioned the same way.

It might be that it's separate supervisory staff who aren't up to date on school behaviour policy so are m just doing what works for them. If that's the case, request that the class teacher raises that issue. (I know I've passed things to SLT when i've seen staff being inconsistent and unfair. Schools staff, teachers included, sometimes need a reminder).
You can also find out if the sash is part of the school's official policy. (Personally i have less of an issue pulling pupils to stand at one side if they misbehave on breaks)

Once you've spoken to the class teacher, if wearing some identifyable marker for having been in trouble is part of the official policy, ask to speak to the head/deputy head about it and arrange a meeting. Then take it from there.

The sash thing is barbaric, I'd have words about that. What next a dunces hat for not getting his sums right?
Seems like a double standard he has to stand against the wall for pushing, but the kids who pushed him doesn't, they need to sort themselves out better.

Teacher here. I don't see anything wrong with the TAs comment, she was being honest as far as she knew at the time. What would you rather she said?
The sash is a shocking punishment though, definitely needs to be addressed.