To have lost a bit of faith in son's school? Questioning discipline tactics

[Mrsknackered]

DS is 4 and in reception class. Up until Christmas, he was doing really well, thriving, excited to go, etc. About a week ago, there was a cock up with payment for his milk (on their behalf not mine) and when break time came he was refused milk and told by TA 'mummy didn't pay for your milk'. He is very sensitive and finds calming down tough, by the time CM collected him from school he was still really distraught and had had a crappy day.

Then the following day there was an incident where he scratched another child after an argument, first time this has happened in nursery or school, school handled it well, we did an apology card at home and screen time was taken away for 2 days. Four days later, another child pushes him and calls him a mean name (mean for a 4 year old). DS told the teacher on duty, he was told to find someone else to play with. They inevitably return to playing with each other, and DS pushes said child. He is disciplined with back against the wall in the playground and had some points removed from their points system, because he had been 'told to find someone else to play with'

I expressed that I thought this was a bit unfair but agreed he should be disciplined for hurting someone. Was then informed as two incidents had occurred in a week that he had to wear a sash at break/lunch so that people were aware that 'he had been in trouble' I point blank refused, said it would isolate him and as he is a very sensitive child, this could cause a lot of distress for him. Was told this was protocol, other children have had this, blah blah. I said I didn't care, he wasn't going to be attending the following week if he was going to be ostracised in this way. Who would want to play with the 'naughty' child?!
So he didn't get placed in the sash, behaviour has been much better but he is sad and doesn't want to go to school - which is unlike him.

I feel a bit betrayed by the school in a way. I was apologised to for the milk saga, but he wasn't and ultimately it was him that was upset. I suggested maybe this was what was needed but it fell on deaf ears. I'm worried about sending him in and have been very nervous since on pick ups just incase something has happened. WIBU to refuse the sash wearing? And AIBU to feel like I've lost trust in the school? Not really sure if this is normal or not (he's our first)

this is what schools are like tbh.
That TA sounds like a right biatch but there are plenty of them about , mostly working in infant schools.

The sash sounds hideous OP and I wouldn't have accepted that either. The rest I have no issue with.

I would have definite issues about the sash. That's blatant public humiliation.

Yanbu

Am totally stunned by the sash. Good for you for standing up and saying no to that!

I would write to the governors and the Head about the sash, and also report to the local authority. I have never seen this practice used in any school. How dare they what's next, a fucking dunce's cap?

I think the wearing of the sash is an odd policy and not one I would be too keen on, although I doubt I would bother saying anything the first time.

I was at primary school in the early seventies. I remember kids being sent to stand in a corner or stand facing the wall if they really misbehaved. It normally seemed to work. I think a sash would have just been seen as a joke.

A fucking sash! That’s really poor

I’d have done the same as you. And as shit as it sounds I’ve been trying to build my sons resilience a bit so he can shake off comments like the one said to your son.

He is year 2 but can be quite sensitive. His teacher is quite the disciplinarian which he hates, so I try to get him to shrug stuff off and not well. Easier said than done but I try

The sash is appaling! Do they put children in the corner with a 'dunce' hat too?

Milk is free for reception children isn't it? They can charge for extra snack but not milk so he shouldn't have been refused anyway.

Also that sash is horrific.

Yeah Topseyt in the 80s a teacher regularly made my 7yo brother stand in the bin, "because he was rubbish". Good old days.

hannah he turned 5 next week, so we have to pay now.

I very nearly said the dunce hat comment.

I’m a TA in a reception class, in our school milk is free, I thought it was for all younger children. It’s awful that he was refused milk and that TA should be ashamed of herself, he’s 4!

The sash thing is an awful way to punish a child , I’m so glad you stuck up for your boy.

I'm not going to say what came to my mind when I read your post, I might be banned for language.

A SASH??? Holy cow. That is beyond comprehension. Humiliating children is ridiculous!

The sash is horrific, it’s strange and unusual punishment and im surprised its allowed in the school.

Was the child who shoved your DS initially punished? Or just DS for retaliating after the fact?

I'd have taken the same stance with the sash, what a vile idea

I would write to the governors and the Head about the sash, and also report to the local authority. I have never seen this practice used in any school. How dare they angry what's next, a fucking dunce's cap

This

mustbemad I believe the child who pushed him had points removed, when the class teacher was informed what had happened. It was only DS on the wall though.

I will be writing about the sash. I was shocked that it's used always, and I remember when we looked round a parent asked what discipline was for bad behaviour, I have no recollection of that being mentioned, as it would have made me not put the school first.

Don't know where always came from in the last post!

I think you acted very reasonably!! Definitely write that letter!

What hellish school is this? That is disgusting.

That would be an issue for me (alongside the sash of course!). There surely has to be consistency with punishments

Primary school governor here and I am shocked by the sash. I'd have issues with it and would be asking questions. The children should be being supported to improve their behaviour not humiliated in public. Terrible.

Are you sure the sash is true? It seems so wrong, I find it hard to imagine a school employing such a technique. Have you seen it? Not suggesting you're misleading us but wondering if DS is maybe confused and got wrong end of the stick?

OP, is it possible that you give a VERY ROUGH idea of where the school is (county or even n,s,e or w of the country). If you didn't know, other parents won't know. This sash thing needs to be stopped.

purgingmary it was a school staff member that told her about the sash.