To not want cans of beer next to my Gran's grave?

[crazycatgal]

I went to visit my Gran's grave yesterday as I do quite regularly and noticed that someone had placed a couple of cans of beer on the next grave.

AIBU to feel a bit annoyed about this? I go and visit my Gran to think about her and place flowers on her grave and seeing cans of beer right next to her grave is a bit off putting. I'm also worried about them blowing onto her grave because it can get quite windy where she is buried.

I just want to see what other people think and if I'm being unreasonable.

It's impossible to say with what you've given.
YANBU if they were empty so litter.
YABU if they were left by a loved one in memory of the person who's died.

What people leave on 'their' graves is as long as it is within the rules of the cemetery, their own business.
In the cemetery where ds is buried, as long as it is on the headstone/ within the kerb stone boundaries and not offensive it is allowed. Ds's grave has teddies, stone animals and 'windmills' on it and if anyone thinks that is 'tacky' - well tough.

...on this

Im sorry but yabu.

Its a can (or cans) of drink, which is likely to mean something to the family of whoever's grave it is. It isn't litter, it's been placed there purposefully.

If someone had disregarded a can on your nan's grave that would have different but we arent looking or talking about that here. Try to focus just on your nan's grave and not on the ones surrounding it when you go.

I wouldn’t have loads of tacky stuff on my husband’s grave, but one beside his has so much stuff on their grave that it’s actually spilling out of their spot. So long as it doesn’t encroach onto my husband’s grave I couldn’t care less. I’m there to visit my husband, not give a trip advisor account.

I think it is up to each individual to decide what is placed on their loved ones graves. Over the years i have left many items on my DDs grave. Doing this is the only way i can buy her gifts and i like to remember her birthday, Christmas, anniversary of her death etc. Each to their own i say. A few cans of beer on a grave are hurting no-one and possibly helped someone.

In a Muslim area of a cemetery I know, there is no clutter at all. It looks very peaceful.

In a Muslim area of a cemetery I know, there is no clutter at all. It looks very peaceful.

Grr. Why is this site so clunky today?

I wonder why people did not do this sort of thing in the past?

Rose I should think all graveyards are peaceful, what with the residents being quiet and all.

Making unkind comments about how another person grieves , is arsehole behaviour.

Maybe the people in the next grave don't like flowers? It's nothing to do with you.

I’d think it was really tacky. Because it is.

Rose times change. People express their grief somewhat differently now. Perhaps keep to traipsing through Islamic/Italian cemetarys only if British (I'm assuming it's British) graves offend your delicate nature so much.

RoseWhiteTips, I think , maybe, things were more formal in the past. There was one way of mourning, quiet and serious with flowers. Now we are more relaxed and open with grief and that’s probably a good thing.

@RoseWhiteTips because the world was full of bullshit etiquette designed to repress and restrict, and now we’re past that?

Like I say, I’m a peace, solitude and a fresh bunch of flowers sort of cemetery person, but I cannot be irritated, upset or annoyed at how other people honour their loved ones.

They loved them. They still love them. Enough to visit regularly with beer, teddies, windmills.

Lots of “peaceful” graveyards are that way because no one still living is visiting the dead.

Alis I disagree. Hugely. Grief, death and graves are all very individual. Judging someones grief (which is what you are doing) is the only thing that's tacky.

@Fabellini your post made me go all goosebumpy. And you're totally right.
I would have judged cluttered graves for being a bit tacky but now will think twice, it's really not my business and wouldn't affect me anyway.

@WaxOnFeckOff They have flowers though... I appreciate everyone's opinion on this thread but saying 'maybe the people in the next grave don't like flowers' is just stupid. Flowers are expected at a cemetery.

YABU. It's fine to put beer cans on a grave. They can do what they want to honour their loved one at that grave. Are you perhaps misdirecting your grief towards an imagined injustice because it's easier than contemplating and dealing with the grief of losing your loved one?

YABU. If it's not litter then someone has left them there in tribute for some reason. Untraditional yes, but how does it possibly affect you?

Glad I'll never be buried in a graveyard, hope they start to crackdown on what you can leave on graves in the future, they've turned into chavvy messes now.

@LemonShark I don't know where you're getting your assumptions from? Just because I personally don't think that beer cans should be on a grave it doesn't mean that I've not dealt with my grief properly.

It was a question OP, not an assumption that I was right. I ask because it's a common response. And something I've seen others close to me experience when we lost our mother (focusing on perceived slights or injustices, the grief was so overwhelming it became directed other places).