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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who has the moral responsibility to pay?

88 replies

HaggisMcNeepyFace · 24/01/2018 16:15

When our au pair first started with us last summer, she scraped the side of the car on the way to a night out. She showed us the next day and I could only see a couple of little scratches so I said it was okay.

Fast forward to now, and what I didn't realise is that the whole wing is slightly fallen off and the bit around the wheel has been crushed. I took it to the garage and have an estimate for £200 repair job. I just told the au pair and she didn't apologise or offer to contribute towards it.

So as not too drip feed, we're not a rich family. The au pair is paid 400 per month and earns about another 300 babysitting for other families; she has no expenses as we provide all food, lodging, car and petrol. She eats better than we do as I miscalculated the food budget at the beginning of her contract so she's eating lots of fresh meat and fruits etc whilst we largely make do with sandwiches, pasta and tins with meat being strictly rationed!! Anyway, that's nothing to do with the situation at hand but I do think it colours my view of the whole thing.

AIBU in thinking she should at least offer to contribute towards the repair bill?

OP posts:
Kintan · 24/01/2018 16:18

If it happened last summer I don’t think you can now ask her to pay - hasn’t anyone else used the car since then?

safariboot · 24/01/2018 16:18

With such a big time gap you've no proof the damage you've found now was caused by the incident last summer. It could have been done any time your car was parked.

clownfaces · 24/01/2018 16:19

Are you sure this is the same damage? How come it has taken months for you to realise? I don't think she should pay when you initially told her it was ok.
YABU

YearOfYouRemember · 24/01/2018 16:19

Tell her you can't afford the fancy food anymore. Tough about the car. Should have looked properly at the time.

ShatnersBassoon · 24/01/2018 16:19

What's the insurance set-up?

londonrach · 24/01/2018 16:19

No, you should have dealtwith it when it occured

KimchiLaLa · 24/01/2018 16:20

Hmm I don't know OP. You didn't see the actual damage, you miscalculated the budget. How can you not see it for a whole summer?

londonrach · 24/01/2018 16:20

Dont understand the food thing. You all eat the same things.

rightsaidfrederickII · 24/01/2018 16:21

How has it taken from late summer to now to notice it? Are you quite certain additional damage hasn't been caused in the meantime?

Hillarious · 24/01/2018 16:23

I made a great chilli last night with chickpeas, kidney beans and peppers. Misses the point of the post, but it was fab and around 50p a portion. You don't need to have meat in a meal.

Coconutspongexo · 24/01/2018 16:25

How did you not see the damage until now Hmm

ShatnersBassoon · 24/01/2018 16:25

I made a great chilli last night with chickpeas, kidney beans and peppers. Misses the point of the post, but it was fab and around 50p a portion. You don't need to have meat in a meal.

Grin that's proper tickled me Grin

HairBlues · 24/01/2018 16:26

Hilarious - that chilli sounds great. Which recipe did you use? (I genuinely want to know but further misses the point of post Grin)

araiwa · 24/01/2018 16:26

You do

You told it was ok

Original poster
HaggisMcNeepyFace · 24/01/2018 16:27

She's the only one who drives it. The guy at the garage pointed to the scratches she made and said, this is what caused it. So it's very likely though not something I could definitively prove! I think it must have gotten worse over the last month's without me seeing as tbh I don't think I've really looked at the car since!

I did think it was too late to do anything about it, but wanted to check with the Mumsnet jury. It's a shame though, as I think she has some idea of the financial situation we're in, and she has form for taking advantage of people - there was a guy she was seeing for a while and she told me she didn't like him but she was waiting til he'd taken her to this gig she really wanted to go to before ditching him. I feel she's doing the same to us!

OP posts:
Bluelady · 24/01/2018 16:27

Given you said everything was fine when she owned up to the damage - many wouldn't - you can't go back several months later and ask her for money. Why on earth isn't she eating the same meals as the rest of you?

bridgetreilly · 24/01/2018 16:28

The food thing is on you, and so is the car damage. You're the employer in this situation and I'm afraid she doesn't owe you anything.

restbiterepeat · 24/01/2018 16:29

I think, given the accident was last summer, you can't claim the money from her.

You can't blame her for living well on the wage you offered either. It's not like she is there to do you a favour.

But struggling for money is shit and I can see that once you are down to cutting down on food, £200 is a big hit. Flowers

AmberTopaz · 24/01/2018 16:30

Sorry OP but I think you’ve missed the opportunity. How can you be sure it didn’t happen on a different occasion (eg when you were parked somewhere)?

The food thing is a bit odd. Don’t you all eat together?

SleepingStandingUp · 24/01/2018 16:30

So she has nice food whilst you're all on bread and jam, and has exclusive use of one of your car's, plus you don't like her.
I think you need to look at your contract and if this is working for you

Original poster
HaggisMcNeepyFace · 24/01/2018 16:30

With regards to the food- we did all eat the same thing, but she was eating so fast and so much that we had to give her a separate budget to keep her away from our food! Blush

We often eat chickpea curry and it's delicious! Just it would be nice to be able to eat meat without having to plan a week in advance and eke it out with lentils.

I see IABU though so I thank you all for your feedback Smile

OP posts:
AmberTopaz · 24/01/2018 16:31

Just read your second post. Sounds like you don’t really like her OP. Maybe you should look for someone else?

Coconutspongexo · 24/01/2018 16:33

Is this real?

It just seems like you have a massive issue with her.

Original poster
HaggisMcNeepyFace · 24/01/2018 16:33

She is a nice girl and we have a good relationship, and most importantly she's great with DC. It's just the first time we've had an au pair and I have a lot of learning to do about how to be a boss!

OP posts:
restbiterepeat · 24/01/2018 16:33

How old are your dc haggis? Are you stuck in this situation for much longer?