Who has the moral responsibility to pay?

[HaggisMcNeepyFace]

When our au pair first started with us last summer, she scraped the side of the car on the way to a night out. She showed us the next day and I could only see a couple of little scratches so I said it was okay.

Fast forward to now, and what I didn't realise is that the whole wing is slightly fallen off and the bit around the wheel has been crushed. I took it to the garage and have an estimate for £200 repair job. I just told the au pair and she didn't apologise or offer to contribute towards it.

So as not too drip feed, we're not a rich family. The au pair is paid 400 per month and earns about another 300 babysitting for other families; she has no expenses as we provide all food, lodging, car and petrol. She eats better than we do as I miscalculated the food budget at the beginning of her contract so she's eating lots of fresh meat and fruits etc whilst we largely make do with sandwiches, pasta and tins with meat being strictly rationed!! Anyway, that's nothing to do with the situation at hand but I do think it colours my view of the whole thing.

AIBU in thinking she should at least offer to contribute towards the repair bill?

We used to pay £120 per week plus English lessons and bus pass. But the costs in extra food and electricity are alot, even when someone is reasonable.

What a bizzare situation. Sounds like you have an au pair you can't afford. You're jealous of her food? You didn't notice damage on the car for months? You have decided you wouldn't be friends with her over one incident with a boyfriend yet she's allowed to help raise your kids?

No, it was on you to have damage checked properly. You can't go back months later and ask her for money. And you should have set a food budget you could afford.

In addition, you probably should look at alternate child care options, as it doesn't seem you can afford a live in au pair.

Agreed - you can't afford her if you're paying her £400 a month but her eating healthily is causing you to eke out lentils for your family's food.

Also wouldn't mind that recipe someone mentioned above...

A year ago is too long.

Why is she gettinsuch excellent food and you’re eating crap?

Sorry should’ve RTFT

Is 400 a month all an au pair costs? I didn't know that.

depends on the area, depends on her hours, depends on the extra perks. It's only "Pocket money", families tend to pay for other things (phone, or gym, some kind of travel pass)

OP, I honestly don't think you are exploiting her, but it depends on how many hours she works for you of course. 4 days off a week sound plenty, she is lucky and yes it does make up for it! Don't feel bad about your house. Rich people I know don't have au-pairs ayway, they tend to have nannies and cleaners the lot.

If she's not in for your meal times because she's enjoying time off then she should be buying her own food when out. Why can't she just buy a kebab like anyone else in that situation?

You can put her portion on a plate and put it in a low oven with a pan lid over so it doesn't dry out too much. She's not the Queen, you know.

You can also tell her which snacks she can help herself to as long as she tells you if something's getting low. Those snacks do not have to include meat. I don't really understand why a whole packet of meat can be considered a snack. Does she just rip into raw steaks with her teeth?

Tbh, I think she's taking the piss over this food thing.

Can't believe the nastiness on Mumsnet sometimes.

Au pair means as an equal. That is, you're supposed to treat them as a member of your family, not as an employee.

The car is too long ago to bring up again. Insirance would cover I'm assuming regardless.

You sound a wee bit Martyry I'd sort the food etc to be honest

Even if you did realise at the time its unreasonable to ask her to pay for car repairs out of 400 a month surely?