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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Could you forgive your sister if...

119 replies

Ninarina · 24/01/2018 14:04

She kissed your husband in a state of drunkenness? Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to see her ever again?

OP posts:
youngestisapsycho · 24/01/2018 19:48

Not much detail from OP.... lots of husband blaming on here tho!

inlectorecumbit · 24/01/2018 19:51

How did you find out OP? Did your H tell you or someone else?

Pinkbendyman · 24/01/2018 19:52

There are always 2 sides to a story; perhaps talk to your sister and hear what she has to say (if she can remember....?)

Snugglywithmycat17 · 24/01/2018 19:52

Only u can really decide based on all the known facts. U haven’t really shared much here about where they were or any context.
How old is your sister?
Talk to her and decide from there if u need to remove her from your life or just back away.

suzy2b · 24/01/2018 19:53

why is everyone going on at op who's 15 yld sister had sex with her dh most of the girls i was at school with had sex when they were 15 and a few of them had babys and i'm talking about 50yrs ago

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 24/01/2018 19:58

Er suzy RTFT love - it's a different poster whose 15-year-old sister was raped, not OP. And I say rape, because a child CANNOT consent to sex, particularly sex with a grown man.

xTinkerhellx · 24/01/2018 19:58

@suzy2b because the sister was 15, a child under the age of consent, which makes any sexual intercourse statutory rape as she is legally unable to give consent.

Firesuit · 24/01/2018 19:59

I couldn't forgive, no. Because IMO being drunk only causes people to lose their inhibitions, not to do things they would never ever dream of doing anyway.

So people can control who they find attractive?

Or are you saying you would condemn someone for something they had no control over?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 24/01/2018 20:01

And when I was at school (I'm 33 and went to a comprehensive in special measures) it definitely wasn't the norm to be having sex at 15, and the only people who did were in relationships with other teenagers, not adults FFS.

PeacefulBlessing · 24/01/2018 20:03

Because, suzy...

A) the poster is cross with her sister, who was underage, rather than the adult who took advantage despite the fact that...

B) it was illegal and...

C) two wrongs don't make a right.

InsomniacAnonymous · 24/01/2018 20:04

inlectorecumbit The OP has said that her husband told her!
She said "husband told me what happened". She also said "He swears blind he pushed her away 'gently but forcibly' and tbh he's very shy and was shocked and I can believe it. Not been married that long but been in LTR with him so I feel confident he's telling the truth.

ThatLDoDonkey · 24/01/2018 20:11

If I totally trusted dh then I'd be civil with sister but definitely keep her at arms length from now on.

How did you find out about it?

I personally think a kiss wouldn't happen unless someone wanted it to regardless of how drunk they were. So being drunk isn't an excuse in my book

Anonyman · 24/01/2018 20:17

My bosses wife once snogged me at an office Christmas dinner. At a restaurant, at the table, in front of the whole department. While he repeatedly asked her to desist.

She'd had a bit to drink.

He later accused me of enjoying it, in a slightly hurt tone.

Of course I did, I said. It's not like I get that sort of attention very often. (Prophetic, a few decades later it remains a once-in-a-lifetime event.)

They had me round to dinner a couple of times after that, she apologised, I don't think there were any hard feelings on the part of anyone. (I think she had form for this sort of thing, it wasn't the first time she'd misbehaved when under the influence.)

(I'd gently push her away now, I was fairly young and shy at the time.)

GabsAlot · 24/01/2018 20:17

if he just came out and told u then id be inclined to believe him

whose calling you a drama queen your sister? if so id go nc with her she clearly cant see what shes done is wrong

InsomniacAnonymous · 24/01/2018 20:23

ThatLDoDonkey The OP's husband told her.

rothbury · 24/01/2018 20:30

What does your sister say about it? If she is really apologetic and "Oh my God I cannot believe I did that, how on earth did I get that drunk, please let me apologise to DH as well" then yes, I would probably forgive.

I would definitely want to hear her side of it rather than blindly believing DH.

Tistheseason17 · 24/01/2018 20:36

I've been pretty drunk a few times and never hit on my BIL.

No excuses. She hit on your DH as she's jealous of you.

It would be a NC for me. What about the next time she has a few drinks....?

FurCoatFurKnickers · 24/01/2018 21:46

whose calling you a drama queen your sister?

I got the impression it was the husband from the OP's second post, but it could just be she's a bit unclear in the explanation.

"I am being made to feel like I'm in the wrong for not moving forward and like I'm the drama queen when it was just a kiss. He swears blind he pushed her away 'gently but forcibly' and tbh he's very shy and was shocked and I can believe it."

SleightOfMind · 24/01/2018 21:56

I’d be reeling tbh. I have no idea what I’d do.
I know that’s hardly useful advice but I’m so sorry for you. What a shit thing to happen.

I guess you have to talk to her and see what she has to say for herself.

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