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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Could you forgive your sister if...

119 replies

Ninarina · 24/01/2018 14:04

She kissed your husband in a state of drunkenness? Am I being unreasonable by not wanting to see her ever again?

OP posts:
lovemylover · 24/01/2018 14:38

My sister avtually had an affair with my,[now ex] first husband,
I blame him more than her, she was very young, in fact too young, only 15, and he went on to have many affairs, serial womaniser
I didnt forgive her really, but i didnt get mad i got even eventually quite a few years later,
I didnt have an affair with her boyfriend, but got a lift with him one day, and let her think i had sex with him, didnt even like him,
She did what i did, and cried a lot
In your case i would say,it depends on what your DH did back

Blackteadrinker77 · 24/01/2018 14:38

Kissed in what way? A peck on the cheek or a sexual type kiss?

What was your husbands reaction to it?

Gatehouse77 · 24/01/2018 14:39

My sister and my husband I would forgive - because they'd both have to be off their heads to do that! they do like each other and we have a great relationship but those two...together...never Grin

Mrsmadevans · 24/01/2018 14:39

Have they both apologised?
People do things in drink they would never do in RL sober.
You need to think about it carefully before you knee jerk react and end up doing something you may regret OP, good luck.

stopbeingadramallama · 24/01/2018 14:39

Fuck them both off the trampy twats.

ComtesseDeSpair · 24/01/2018 14:40

Need more context. But I probably could, if it was an unreciprocated case of her trying to kiss him whilst drunk, yes. With time and patience and a sincere apology. I'd be angry, of course. But I've done stuff when drunk which I wouldn't do when sober, from the inadvisable to the slightly foolish to the downright stupid. In some cases it hasn't even really reflected what I want to be doing or how I feel about someone, so I wouldn't even automatically assume that she fancies your husband in un-drunk mode.

AmberTopaz · 24/01/2018 14:41

If it was just a drunken kiss and went no further then I’d forgive and forget.

LittleLionMansMummy · 24/01/2018 14:44

No.

This actually stirs questions in my mind as bil made a drunken pass at my other sister (I.e. not his wife or me!) several years ago. I know this because she confided in me, but she hasn't said anything to other dsis as she knows it would destroy her, even though it was totally one sided. Not sure we're right to keep this particular secret...

But anyway, sisters/ brother in laws and brothers/ sisters in law are totally out of bounds. Yuck.

pudding21 · 24/01/2018 14:44

I am fairly certain during my 21 year relationship with my ex, my sister tried it on with him numerous times. She is a nightmare when drunk, and we never really discussed it because I trusted he wouldn't ever go there (he knew she was a nightmare). I didn't disown my sister but I would never trust her around any man of mine in the future when she is drunk. For sure I trust she would never do it sober.

She was always a bit jealous of me growing up and my relationship, I actually felt a bit sorry for her.

Lizzie48 · 24/01/2018 14:45

We need more back story to be able to answer the question really. I can't imagine it happening so it easy for me to say this, but I believe I could move past this.

RandomDreams · 24/01/2018 14:52

Nope, she could fuck off forever as far as I'm concerned.

I'm laughing at the fact that so many man-haters are slagging off the husband when the OP has not said that he kissed her sister back.

RockinRobinTweets · 24/01/2018 14:52

Ewww - yuck! Without knowing details my instinct would be that no, I wouldn't forgive her but I would be civil for family stuff if need be.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 24/01/2018 14:55

That would be a hard ask ..... but to give a straight answer, Id need more details.
I hope you're okay OP.

Queeniebed · 24/01/2018 15:00

Im assuming this isn't just a peck. I would be furious but would want to know the exact details of what happened. How did your husband deal with it. If it was a full on snog - out the door, if he pushed her away - fully behind DH. Context please

PoorYorick · 24/01/2018 15:03

My sister and I have our differences, but I can safely say this would NEVER happen.

she hates my husband

LagunaBubbles · 24/01/2018 15:07

Before people start slagging the husband off you would need to know his reaction. Kissed her back would involve a different response than if he got a shock and pushed her away!

SilverySurfer · 24/01/2018 15:10

Impossible to say without answers to the questions others have asked.

MuseumOfCurry · 24/01/2018 15:19

I'd move on civilly in the interest of harmonious family relations, but I'd go to my grave thinking her trash.

BestestBrownies · 24/01/2018 15:20

PoorYorick Sis, is that you?!? If I were drawing my last breath and he was the only person there, I wouldn't let my BIL give me the kiss of life never mind any other kind of kiss Envy

thegreatbeyond · 24/01/2018 15:21

I could not see it ever happening, because we have each other's backs completely. If it did, though, I don't think I could. We are twins and it would be too hurtful.

taskmaster · 24/01/2018 15:21

Yes. She's my sister. If she was sorry of course I would forgive her.

Trinity66 · 24/01/2018 15:22

I don't have any sisters so I'd have to guess really but it's a massive breaking of trust between someone who is supposed to have your back

WooWooSister · 24/01/2018 15:22

I'd need more context eg what type of kiss; what did your DH do; were there any extenuating circumstances. I know MN is full of people who go NC with relatives but it would take an awful lot for me to say I'd never see any of my siblings again . . . that's not to say, I wouldn't give them a wide berth for a while but I struggle with never.

Trashboat · 24/01/2018 15:25

My sister avtually had an affair with my,[now ex] first husband,
I blame him more than her, she was very young, in fact too young, only 15, and he went on to have many affairs, serial womaniser
I didnt forgive her really, but i didnt get mad i got even eventually quite a few years later,
I didnt have an affair with her boyfriend, but got a lift with him one day, and let her think i had sex with him, didnt even like him,
She did what i did, and cried a lot

Wow. That is mega fucked up from all angles!!

You should have contacted the police!

Original poster
Ninarina · 24/01/2018 15:28

Ok it's delicate and I have had issues with her before about various things and husband told me what happened and I believe him but now what next. I am being made to feel like I'm in the wrong for not moving forward and like I'm the drama queen when it was just a kiss. He swears blind he pushed her away 'gently but forcibly' and tbh he's very shy and was shocked and I can believe it. Not been married that long but been in LTR with him so I feel confident he's telling the truth. Is blood thicker than water or is that it? We used to get on so well until Mum passed then she hurt me a lot now this. Is it time to keep away I am torn between wanting to kill her but should I try to help her she's obviously lost the plot.

OP posts: