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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the bloody fish and chips?!

115 replies

KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 06:34

Today Mil and Fil took our DD out for "an hour" so that DP and I could get some cleaning done. Very generous of them and I am grateful. So at 5 they pick her up to go swimming (summer here and hot as hell), we get to work.

An hour and a half later DP calls them asking where they are and they say they're on the way back, the pool is a 10 minute walk away. So I get started on dinner.

45 minutes later they arrive, with fish and chips. Both pil and us agree that the fish and chip shop around the corner from us serves the worst fish and chips in the city. But on the way back they decided to take a detour, and pick us up a scoop of chips, one fish, and a sausage.

AIBU to not be feeling particularly grateful? I thanked them at the time and said "I wish you'd mentioned, I have dinner in the oven", they said well youre having fish and chips now. DH thinks that even mentioning that I was cooking was ungrateful.

So WIBU, DH says don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I say don't show up at someone's house with a fucking horse and no warning. Am i being a horrible dil?

OP posts:
Original poster
KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 08:37

Although in her defence it was in the first couple of years we were together and she was struggling a bit with having another woman in his life. So i dont hold it against her.

OP posts:
Original poster
KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 08:38

I don't think they do like me to be fair. But they're not openly hateful and they do love DH and dd.

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 24/01/2018 08:38

My mil loves serving my DHs favourite meal.

She cooks a whole ham then serves it with Cheese and a potato pie and baked beans.

We’ve been together 30 years and she knows the only two foods I cannot eat are beans and mashed potatoes. So I sit there with a bit of ham on my plate and nothing else. Grin. I ask if I can help myself to some bread and make myself a sandwhich. And then she comments on how odd I am for putting warm ham in a sandwich.

I don’t get het up about it though. I know she’s mad, always has been Grin

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/01/2018 08:44

Unfortunately I think she is going to have to be a little bit upset if you're both to make any progress and move this relationship (the one between you and your DH as a couple and his parents as a couple) to an adult-adult relationship. I'm sensing that he is still in the Child - Parent relationship and this needs to change (for the better).
"DH will never say anything to her, he once made her cry by telling her we already had plans so he couldn't spend his weekend cleaning her windows" Has she not heard of a window cleaning service?

Youngmystery · 24/01/2018 08:47

There's no defence for giving someone expired food. She is a horrible person. Makes sense now that you say she has trouble having another woman in her sons life, but she's just showing how stupid she is in thinking he'll never find a wife.

I dunno how you've put up with her for so long. I wouldnt be talking to her anymore, certainly wouldn't let her take my kid out. What if she tries to give the kid expired food? She has problems.

blueskypink · 24/01/2018 08:49

So WIBU, DH says don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I say don't show up at someone's house with a fucking horse and no warning

Loved this op! Grin

YANBU - why anyone would turn up at someone's house with a takeaway at a meal time with no warning is beyond me.

Idontdowindows · 24/01/2018 08:49

I don't think you're unreasonable, but then I've "trained" everyone that matters not to bring me food, or to ask before bringing food.

We have lovely friends that love to feed people, but tender beloved is sensitive to just about anything and everything in the onion family and before we put our collective feet down, an awful lot of food went to waste!

StealthNinjaMum · 24/01/2018 08:50

Did you know fish and chip shop chips freeze quite nicely. Our chippy always gives portions that are too big so I just pop the unwanted ones in freezer bags and give the occasional small portion for dc for the next couple of months.

Original poster
KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 08:52

Youngmystery she does, but dont we all. I have been slowly laying ground rules over time. She would never feed dd expired food, just junk.

Ironically I think the expired food stems from her not wanting to waste food either, so she gives it to us. Her mum is a bit of a food pusher too, more bloody ham and some Christmas cake were working our way through.

OP posts:
Original poster
KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 08:55

stealth that is so good to know, half a scoop is not enough a full scoop is way to much and dd loves chips.

OP posts:
Youngmystery · 24/01/2018 08:58

You are way too nice about her. Yeah she might not want to waste food, so she gives expired food to someone else to make them sick, not herself. Did she by any chance constantly come round to care for her son during his illness from food poisoning?

Hope that she eventually appreciates you and how nice you have been to her. She'd have had war waged against her if I was her daughter in law.

AnotherShirtRuined · 24/01/2018 09:00

The longer I have been on MN, the more I appreciate my own - lovely, considerate and not least sane! - MIL Grin

BrownTurkey · 24/01/2018 09:00

Yeah, just think of it as a deep seated and misguided psychological need to feed her son, and an inability to limit the amount she buys. Smile and pity. Take everything and leave dh to use it or throw it. Don't give it another thought yourself. He will one day see the madness. Plus, she probably thought it would be rude/greedy to get chips to take home and none for you, especially with dd in the car.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2018 09:06

So they did you a favour and brought food to try and be helpful, and you're pissed off?

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2018 09:08

And no way is an hour long enough for swimming.

10 minutes walk:
10 minutes getting into the pool, changed and general kid faffing:
10 minutes getting showered, more faffing (minimum
10 minutes walk home

Hardly worth going really was it?

WorraLiberty · 24/01/2018 09:19

Seeing as you think that is enough food for s family I can only think you don't give them enough food to eat when you cook for them. Perhaps they are left wanting more so buy their own food to stop being hungry.

That doesn't make any sense? Confused

The OP wasn't cooking for her PILs.

And she doesn't think that's enough food for her family, she knows it.

Me and my DH often share a fish unless we're really hungry, because we're not particularly big eaters. Equally, the OP and presumably the PILs, will know whether the sausage and chips will be enough for the DD.

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2018 09:23

Or maybe what was in the oven was a magic MN chicken that will last the OP and the whole family till March Wink

WorraLiberty · 24/01/2018 09:27

Pah! March you say?

I can only assume no-one in the house knows how to make soup!

Original poster
KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 09:31

worra only pumpkin, unless it works the same and I can just boil the shit out of it until it becomes liquid. That does not sound appetizing. Although then, like the fish and chips, it would last us forever because no one wants to eat it. You might be on to something.

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 24/01/2018 09:32

I don't think that is enough food either...... misses the point completely

BitOutOfPractice · 24/01/2018 09:33

I remember a poster on here once who gave her recipe for chicken soup

  1. boil a chicken carcass
  2. Look at it in disgust and wonder what to do with all the scum on the top
  3. decant into a tupperware and freeze
  4. Discover 6 months later, think "fuck that!", and throw away
  5. Buy chicken soup
YoniHuman · 24/01/2018 09:36

YANBU - I think it was rude of your PIL'S not to mention they were bringing back food. I can understand them getting their own dinner from the chip shop and not wanting to leave out your DD so getting extra, but they should have let you know.

StealthNinjaMum · 24/01/2018 09:40

I bought a cabbage last week because I thought it would be a challenge to do something nice with it. Anyway it is still lurking in the fridge and so tonight I am going to do this for me and dh

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/chorizo-cabbage-stew

grannytomine · 24/01/2018 09:45

I know it's a bit early but I really fancy some fish and chips.

whiskyowl · 24/01/2018 09:49

This would have annoyed the shit out of me too. I can't bear people who aren't punctual. If someone says they'll be home in an hour, I expect them to mean that and not to sod off on some massive detour that makes them take twice as long.

If you've said you'll be an hour, and you're late, the polite thing is to get as much of a wriggle on as you can, and to phone the person who is waiting and let them know what is happening. It is definitely not to add a further time-consuming task that may not even be necessary into the mix.