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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want the bloody fish and chips?!

115 replies

KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 06:34

Today Mil and Fil took our DD out for "an hour" so that DP and I could get some cleaning done. Very generous of them and I am grateful. So at 5 they pick her up to go swimming (summer here and hot as hell), we get to work.

An hour and a half later DP calls them asking where they are and they say they're on the way back, the pool is a 10 minute walk away. So I get started on dinner.

45 minutes later they arrive, with fish and chips. Both pil and us agree that the fish and chip shop around the corner from us serves the worst fish and chips in the city. But on the way back they decided to take a detour, and pick us up a scoop of chips, one fish, and a sausage.

AIBU to not be feeling particularly grateful? I thanked them at the time and said "I wish you'd mentioned, I have dinner in the oven", they said well youre having fish and chips now. DH thinks that even mentioning that I was cooking was ungrateful.

So WIBU, DH says don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I say don't show up at someone's house with a fucking horse and no warning. Am i being a horrible dil?

OP posts:

ShotsFired · 24/01/2018 07:59

I have had cause to have reheated chip shop style chips recently (those fancy McCain gastro/gorgeous ones). I have to say, they were delicious second time round and I imagine actual chip shop chips would be equally tasty.

OP YANBU. It's not like preparing dinner was a shock move on your part. They should have checked before buying the chips like any normal person would, but when they didn't, should have taken the end result in good grace, not insisted you all eat their (oddly sized) meal

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 24/01/2018 08:01

Sorry but you are taking this too serious OP

They bought some fish and chips for themselves, the grandchild probably fancied some too. So they thought it would be nice to get everyone some F&C, big deal

They sound nice

And those saying they should have called and checked, fgs what control freakery

Relax a bit OP

Sometimes, reading MN, I think MILs can simply do nothing right!

GrooovyLass · 24/01/2018 08:04

I'm with you here op. I wouldn't dream of getting someone a takeaway without checking that they want it, it's just weird.

diddl · 24/01/2018 08:05

I'm not sure how it's "nice" to bring food from a place that you don't like it from & insist that you eat it, even though your dinner is in the oven.

Not sure why anyone thinks it's a small amount of food either-portions of chips where I used to live are easily enough for 2 or 3!

They could just have said something when they phoned.

Your husband sounds ridiculous.

NutElla5x · 24/01/2018 08:08

They took your child swimming, because you can't manage to do a bit of housework around a 5 year old,and brought back dinner for you all and your'e sat on the internet whinging about it? You sound like hard work and your PIL's sound lovely.YABU and I feel sorry for them.

CanIBuffalo · 24/01/2018 08:14

If they took theirs home to eat I'm assuming they didn't watch you eat yours first. Just say thank you and bin them the minute their car drives off. Eat your home cooked dinner. Problem solved.

LizzieSiddal · 24/01/2018 08:17

There's a whole bloody cabbage in my fridge waitinv for me to figure out what to do with it too, it silently judges me every time i open the fridge.

Make some cabbage soup then give it back to them?

Gwenhwyfar · 24/01/2018 08:17

"The biggest surprise for me is one fish, one sausage and one chips between three, I waoukd have said "is that all you brought us?"."

One fish and one portion of chips from my local chippy would last me 3 meals. The portions are HUGE so I'm not surprised this fed 3.

1099 · 24/01/2018 08:18

For those saying it doesn't sound enough to feed a family, I've heard of a chap who managed to feed 50'000 with a couple of fish and some bread, so seems like this should have been plenty for a small family.

Youngmystery · 24/01/2018 08:19

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

They and you agree the fish sucks. So why did they buy it? It's quite passive aggressive really, or they are just trying to show how much they don't like you without saying it.

I would have just thrown it in the bin to be honest, in front of them. I refuse to eat food I don't like, not even if it's a gift. Why should I make myself feel sick just because someone else is a moron and can't listen?

AnotherShirtRuined · 24/01/2018 08:21

Actually I don't think YABU at all. It being dinner time they must have known that you would have something planned if not already cooked so why on earth force something on you that they know to be both bad and unwanted?

I also don't get why they keep forcing unwanted and unappreciated food on you. A Christmas ham when noone in your house eats ham, a cabbage you have no idea what to do with? I find it very bizarre behaviour on their part to be honest.

I don't understand why being ungrateful in these situations is so very wrong either. I myself would have been very irritated. It is also both strange and rude to force something on you by putting it in your fridge after you have politely declined the offer. They might as well have put it straight in the bin!

If they must insist on bringing you foodstuffs they could at least make it chocolate!

martellandginger · 24/01/2018 08:21

you were rude, so where they but they sound like thy can hold their own with 'your having chips now' - very funny.

Youngmystery · 24/01/2018 08:24

Hang on they put food in your fridge too when you are out? So they go into your house without your permission too and leave food there that they clearly don't want?

Wow. Sorry you have such idiots for PIL. Again I'd have thrown it all out. Start sticking stuff you don't want in their fridge, it's clearly OK.

MrsDilber · 24/01/2018 08:24

Their intentions were good. Yabu.

Ginslinger · 24/01/2018 08:27

I don't understand the people who think it's a nice thing to turn up with food without checking first - especially food that can't be easily stored for a later stage. I'd be cross if it happened here

missadasmith · 24/01/2018 08:28

so you and your DH don't manage to clean the house because of a DD (unless there there is more to it, it's pretty weird in itself). So PIl are taking the DD swimming so you and DH can clean the house. They probably thought you were cleaning, not cooking and thought they are being nice by bringing a take away.

The road to hell is really paved with good intentions. You sound delightful, OP!

danTDM · 24/01/2018 08:28

YABU and faintly hysterical, I can't believe you even post about this. FFS

Original poster

KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 08:28

We do get chocolate sometimes to be fair, only ever chilli or mint flavour (which she knows I don't like but DH does). But that doesn't phase me, she's not my mum she doesn't have to take me in to account.

She hasn't brought round expired stuff in ages at least, not since DH got sick that time. Now it's all freshly brought, which just makes me feel more guilty for not wanting it.

OP posts:

FindoGask · 24/01/2018 08:29

Their intentions were obviously good but they were thoughtless. I'd never take a meal over to someone's house at dinner time without checking they weren't already cooking first.

I'm also not often in the mood for fish and chips, personally speaking - and never in the mood for bad fish and chips.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/01/2018 08:30

I'm sensing that this is more than just the fish and chips though. It is probably the final straw.

After reading the whole thread and your updates where they gave you and unwanted ham having said you didn't want it and they have a habit of giving you food whether you ask for it or need it, your DH needs to have a word with his parents. He needs to be a bit light hearted first off so they know he's being serious that you're both able to shop and cook for yourselves and that you'd prefer if they feel that they must feed you, to put the money they would spend on ham and cabbage and fish and chips and whatever else they sneak into your fridge,into a jar and when it's full, they bring you out to dinner in a restaurant instead, maybe??
If the light hearted approach doesn't work, he needs to say that they are not to sneak food into your house (or his house however he wants to phrase it) and if they do, then it'll end up back in their own house/fridge as it will go to waste.

Original poster

KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 08:32

Thanks missanda, I do try.

There is backstory to why I wanted an hour childfree to get stuff done, little bit envious that so many of you have never had the same problem.

OP posts:

WhatchaMaCalllit · 24/01/2018 08:32

@ 1099

ReanimatedSGB · 24/01/2018 08:33

I get it completely. It's not a nice gesture to keep bringing unasked-for food to someone else's house, particularly when it's food you know that person doesn't like, and even more so when you bring it in and insist they take it while they are preparing a different meal for themselves.

It's controlling and manipulative - they are either obsessed with the idea of themselves as 'generous' and simply don't think about what you like to eat and what your plans might be, or they get something out of continually putting you in a position where you are going to be either distressed or in the wrong for 'ingratitude'.

Sympathies to you.

Original poster

KaosReigns · 24/01/2018 08:34

DH will never say anything to her, he once made her cry by telling her we already had plans so he couldn't spend his weekend cleaning her windows.

OP posts:

Youngmystery · 24/01/2018 08:35

They gave you expired food as well that made your husband sick?

God they are weird people. Sorry but they clearly don't like you. I would just be asking them to leave you all alone now and not come over again.

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