To not want the bloody fish and chips?!

[KaosReigns]

Today Mil and Fil took our DD out for "an hour" so that DP and I could get some cleaning done. Very generous of them and I am grateful. So at 5 they pick her up to go swimming (summer here and hot as hell), we get to work.

An hour and a half later DP calls them asking where they are and they say they're on the way back, the pool is a 10 minute walk away. So I get started on dinner.

45 minutes later they arrive, with fish and chips. Both pil and us agree that the fish and chip shop around the corner from us serves the worst fish and chips in the city. But on the way back they decided to take a detour, and pick us up a scoop of chips, one fish, and a sausage.

AIBU to not be feeling particularly grateful? I thanked them at the time and said "I wish you'd mentioned, I have dinner in the oven", they said well youre having fish and chips now. DH thinks that even mentioning that I was cooking was ungrateful.

So WIBU, DH says don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I say don't show up at someone's house with a fucking horse and no warning. Am i being a horrible dil?

Fatten you up? With that potion and one after swimming?

Ah okay that makes a tad more sense.

I get where you are coming from though. Most people would say something like 'Going to pop into the fish n chip shop on the way back, would you like anything?'

To be fair if the OP is down under/new zealand way then the fish n chip portions are pretty decent. Half a fish each, chips and sausage and chips for young DC I can see would be enough. Especially with some bread on the side.

I can only assume it's part of some massive evil plot to fatten us all up. Maybe theyre trying to kill us off with junk food so they get dd.

I hadn't even though of that. You're right OP. Next time, take one chip, nibble the end delicately and then declare "That's enough for me. I want to stay fit and healthy so I'll always be around for DD!" and start doing jumping jacks in the dining room. Watch their faces drop.

YANBU, I hate other people deciding/ trying to dictate what I’m going to eat. They were rude not to check that you’d not already made arrangements for tea.

Definitely enough food. We didnt manage to finish it all, although that's largely because they're not very nice.

Hardly offended x2boys just a bit annoyed. Was looking forward to tonight's dinner. However I have conceded that I am being unreasonable, just turns out it doesn't really change my feelings about it.

boomboom but then they'll know I'm on to them and come up with some new nefarious scheme. Much better the devil you know.

Yes YABU and very ungrateful.

They were trying to help you.

They probably thought if they bought dinner on the way back it would save you cooking when you've just cleaned up.

You should've said "thank you I appreciate that' and put the dinner you cooked in the fridge for tomorrow or just waited until they'd gone home and eaten the dinner you'd cooked.

Seeing as you think that is enough food for s family I can only think you don't give them enough food to eat when you cook for them. Perhaps they are left wanting more so buy their own food to stop being hungry.

You say you hat food waste. I get that. But you still don't have to eat it. They are the ones wasting it.

I long for someone to make me a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich. And then bring F and C in the evening.

Am I being unreasonable to think people are not doing this on purpose to annoy me?

I think your annoyed feelings are still there because you are interpreting the action of them bringing food unasked, as a personal slight to you. You mentioned them thinking you don't know where supermarket is or don't think you're a good cook.

From what you've said, they do it because it's their habit, not related to you or any judgement on what you do/ don't do.

It's a bit like that thing where someone is consumed afterwards what others must think of them about 'x' when reality is no-one else is thinking about them at all - most people are focussing on themselves!

You honestly have a choice as to how you 'frame' why they do this. What you are doing at the moment is choosing for it to be a negative thing and specifically hurtful to you. Most other people's habits whilst they may annoy (as they are not yours) are not done to hurt someone else.

They were being kind and I'm sorry but a scoop of chips a fish and a sausage is more than enough for two plus a small child . No wonder people are obese thinking that all that food should serve one person

Yes, it was nice of them, but they should have rung to check if you were cooking if it was around a meal time!!

And to then say “well, you’re having fish now” was rude.

YANBU.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. It was a kind thought with no agenda. Eat them or throw them away after they go if you don't want them but I would think it so thoughtful if whilst someone was buying their own dinner thought to treat me at the same time.

You mentioned them thinking you don't know where supermarket is or don't think you're a good cook.

Sorry, that was meant to be the joke. Just to be clear so was the potential murder plot.

I know they were trying to be nice, I know it wasn't a slight on me. It was just not well thought out.

There was also the recent ham incident where we refused to take it on Christmas day because we don't like ham, so they put it in our fridge while we were out on boxing day.

Maybe I just needed to vent.

Farmerswife36 before OP clarified, I think the earlier posters thought that one scoop of chips, one fish and one sausage was meant for PIL, the OP, her DH and the child.

Aye, yabu.
She brought an extraneous chippy home she didn't get a grocery shop or an environmental health chaperone.
In these parts a surprise chippy is always welcome.

I would be annoyed. The fish I wouldn't be able to eat. Don't like sausages and not a fan of fried food. I would wonder if the people around me actually knew who I was.

But the food wasn't bought for you, it was bought for the OP's family

Yanbu

They should have quickly phoned and asked if you had planned anything. You don’t just turn up with F&Cs.

And I can’t get over the whole Christmas ham! They sound annoying. My MIL is like this, she insists she knows better than dh and I, about what we like/dislike .

To be fair it was half a ham, not a whole one.

There's a whole bloody cabbage in my fridge waitinv for me to figure out what to do with it too, it silently judges me every time i open the fridge.

yabvu - they were being nice. I really don't see the issue.

Also, why do you need PIL to take DD out so you could get some cleaning done. How odd.

Don't bat away kindness, no matter how irritating.

I think I get it. FIL used to do similar with last minute “invitations” which always felt like a summons.

In his case he had good intentions, in his own head at least, but didn’t ever consider that dinner would already be in the oven. It was at best patronising and at worst controlling. The trouble was, because it appeared to be a nice gesture, it felt ungrateful to grumble. Until we did say no and his behaviour was really PA. Sulkily emphasising what a lot of effort he’d gone to etc.

I actually think you / DH do need to say something. Thank you for dinner, but could you call us next time as we had dinner in the oven?