To expect the other parents to be apologetic

[anxiouslyparenting]

A few weeks ago my dd (yr5) got changed while she was chanting to a friend on FaceTime

Her friend screen shorted this then showed the images to the other children In her class of our dd half naked

We have discussed appropriate behaviour with or dd since then, she was of the kind set that if she changed for pe or swimming in front of class mates this was acceptable

My dd bought it to the attention of the form teacher and it was dealt with.

Since then the parents of the other child have expressed their dismay at the children having access to iPads etc in y5 (it's a digital learning school (And all children in y5 and above have to have an iPad)

The parents involved have not once asked if our daughter is ok or been apologetic.

Aiibu to think if your child does this you apologise
And don't divert the issue to a non issue and avoid it.

This has really tainted my view of other parents

Hmm. Surely if it’s a digital learning school there will be some sort of ‘appropriate use’ policy?

At DDs school there is a policy pertaining to use of social media, but at primary age they are too young anyway.

If I were the parent of the other dc I’d be having words with them, and I would be very apologetic to you.

And in Y5 the DC (I mid read as 5yo) is totally understandable by what they are doing and I would expect the school to act as well.

Quite a lot of parents avoid the issue. They aren’t alone. But they’re wrong.

Is it a school iPad?

School
Did act very appropriately. I just feel the other parents (who are friends) minimised thehissue totally. I would have been mortified had mine done that and contacted the parents (if I knew them already) to apologise nit rant about the digital learning programme being at fault?

Not that it excuses the lack of apology - if my child did this I'd be very apologetic - but maybe they feel too ashamed and embarrassed of their child's behaviour to approach you? I know I'd gave to pluck up an awful lot if courage to face you....

Not a school iPad but a
Requirement of school.

@Cauliflowersqueeze thank you that's how I feel

*have (not gave)

Maybe they’re leaving it to the school to deal with?

I wouldn’t be too happy about havingtp buy a child an iPad

@FarmerSee we are very good friends so I am
Probably more dismayed by that. We aren't scary to talk to at all and we have said our dd must learn boundaries re changing in front of people!

@Bluedoglead it's a private school and everyone knows that they will have to provide an iPad at yr5. That's not really the issue

I don't think the other parents need to apologise I think your DDs friend needs to apologise to your DD. I also think if you are allowing your DD to facetime you should already have had a discussion about what is and isn't appropriate and getting half naked whilst using facetime is not a good idea no matter how friendly she is with the person on the other end!

They should apologize, ya. Just as a courtesy.

But I don't think it's anywhere near the non-issue that you think it is. The incident has probably hammered it home to them that relatively young children are expected to own internet devices that they don't necessarily have the maturity or understanding to operate responsibly.

Maybe they'd be happier to heavily restrict their DD's internet access to limit her potential for trouble.

The images should not have been screen shot and shared.
I dont think children understand the wider implications of online sharing sometimes BUT the parents certainly should...they are wrong to avoid this issue.

@ineedamoreadultieradult I have had that conversation with her. Prior to this she couldn't see how it was
Different than when she is changing for pe/swimming/at a sleepover with other girls
And frankly nor can I! I never imagined one of the girls in her class would think it funny to screen shot that and show it to everyone. If she's been changing for pe and the girl had takena photo it would have been a dick move bit because it happened here innocently it's ok? It's a bit much?! I have reinforced boundaries with her and even asked if the other girl was ok after being told off.

@SaucyJack it's certainly opened my eyes.

I had a child hit my dd right infront of me and the parents at school (totally unprovoked dd was just walking past) and they didn't even apologise. Clearly some parents don't think they should have to.

I didn't say it was ok I said she needs to be very careful! Yes the other girl was in the wrong but DD should not have put herself in that position anything over the internet can be captured and then it's there forever! Better to learn this now than when she is under pressure to start sexting. It's best to assume anything you do on the internet is public, even Snapchat that disappear after a few seconds can be screen shorted.

I'd understand why your dd thought it was ok as she's likening it to changing for PE etc, I'd kind of get (not really but kind of) that the other child thought it was a prank to screen shot her and giggle with friends and be happy with a lesson in boundaries and danger of inappropriate internet use and a stiff telling off for the other child.

I'd be livid with my 'friends' for minimising and diverting the issue rather than apologising and reassuring you that they've had a stern chat with their child. I'd definitely be cooling my own friendship with them or keeping it to large gatherings with others.

I agree @ineedamoreadultieradult but I don't think in y5 and when my daughter is innocently changing I need that conversation. My issue isn't really that-
I've dealt with that part at home.
My issue is if my daughter had done that I'd have had a lot to say to her and I would ha e had a conversation with the other parents. Maybe I'm
Too polite

@OlafLovesAnna thank you. I don't get why the child thought it might be a giggle and share it with others. But it really don't understand the other parents point of view. It's just not how I would behave

@OlafLovesAnna I will be keeping a distance from the parents in future

i think the other parents have been very rude to not either make contact or force their daughter to. She did something wrong and breached your daughters trust. This isnt acceptable. If my DD did this to a classmate I would be mortified, she would be punished and the child and other parents contacted BY HER with me ringing first and saying she wanted to speak to them to apologise.

I'd be distancing myself from the parents. I could forgive the child on the expectation that their parents had given them a serious talking to but I doubt this has happened.