To expect the other parents to be apologetic

[anxiouslyparenting]

A few weeks ago my dd (yr5) got changed while she was chanting to a friend on FaceTime

Her friend screen shorted this then showed the images to the other children In her class of our dd half naked

We have discussed appropriate behaviour with or dd since then, she was of the kind set that if she changed for pe or swimming in front of class mates this was acceptable

My dd bought it to the attention of the form teacher and it was dealt with.

Since then the parents of the other child have expressed their dismay at the children having access to iPads etc in y5 (it's a digital learning school (And all children in y5 and above have to have an iPad)

The parents involved have not once asked if our daughter is ok or been apologetic.

Aiibu to think if your child does this you apologise
And don't divert the issue to a non issue and avoid it.

This has really tainted my view of other parents

The other parents attitude is piss poor.

If I were the other parents o would be mortified and dealing with my child's behaviour however it wouldn't necessarily involve apologising to the parents. What would the parents be apologising for? It's up to their child to take any punishment that's deemed appropriate.

@SockUnicorn @ruleshelpcontrolthefun I'm
In agreement with you both

If either of my children behaved this way I'd punish them

So when their child misused the iPad to humiliate your DD, they blamed it on the fact that the kids have iPads and not their obvious lack of supervision? If they object to iPads they could have taken it off her after school work was completed. I bet they didnt have a problem with them before she showed them up.

I suppose you should be graeful hey didn blame your DD.

They wouldnt be my friends after that.

@ArnoldBee i don't necessarily want an apology just acknowledgement of the isue. Rather than ignoring it and ranting about something different but about the iPad

I would be furious with the parents, especially having previously considered them friends. It’s a massive deal and shouldn’t have been swept under the carpet. For what it’s worth I don’t agree with Y5 kids having iPads as some kind of essential part of the curriculum.

They may have been advised not to contact you. ESP if the school are dealing with it as a safeguarding issue.

@PyongyangKipperbang thank you, this is how I feel. Teacher spoke to me and I was upset but said well maybe we are at fault not being explicit about boundaries with it. Husband saw father and first thing husband said was is xx ok after the incident this week: father went i a rant about iPads etc. Didn't ask if our dd was ok after having her half naked body shown to all her year group

Classic deflection. They know that people will be thinking "But why werent her parents supervising her?" so they react with "But...but...but....we wouldnt have to if the school didnt insist on them having iPads!" ignoring the fact that she would probably have her own tablet by this age anyway.

Just shows them up as bad parents and they dont like it.

Did she have or use a tablet before they got the ipads?

Yes & no OP. In other words I have felt the same way as you over the years but have come to realise I can hope for apologies and reasonable or decent behaviour but not everyone has the same standards or empathy or sometimes there is an innocent explanation.

Sometimes I almost regret disciplining DD or reprimanding her for inconsiderate behaviour because some other parents don’t bother & then it leaves DD stewing when she is prepared to apologise but does not get an apology in return or when she treats others kindly yet this is not reciprocated but at the end of the day I guess we all have to just to raise our own as we see fit to at the time & try and manage our children’s & our own expectations.

I would have made my DD apologise OP & would have spoken to you too.

@PyongyangKipperbang yep! All our kitty dd have had iPads since age 4

@ScarlettSahara you've articulated my feelings perfectly. This isn't how I'd behave. I would be apologetic, check allwas on etc. Maybe I should become selfish and self righteous

I’m going to say that this age group is too young to have unsupervised access to FT, texts and phones.

There is nothing a Y5 child needs to be discussing in private and phone calls should be in public areas of the house.

Mightn't it be that they dealt with it with their child and the child apologised to your dd?

They wouldn't necessarily see it as between them and you.

They probably feel as shaken by the idea about how the ipads can be misused as you do and feel embarrassed, by the incident and by the fact it's brought their ignorance to their attention.

That's awful op. The parents should have apologised. I wouldn't want my child to be friends with the girl anymore, to be honest.

Oh & I would also probably be distancing myself a bit from that family- they don’t seem as though they share your values which makes socialising with them difficult.

So their argument holds no weigh at all then, given that their kids have had ipads for years! If it comes up again, I would be inclined to mention that.

@lottiegarbanzo that would be my thought but my husband checked in with them that their dd was ok a few days later and considering our daughter was the one who was humiliated they don't acknowledge

Could you mention the matter to school? Appreciate it wasn't done during school time but, nevertheless ........

@FluffyWuffy100

Absolutely. All internet use to be in main living areas of house where it can be constantly supervised.

I'm planning to massively distance myself until An apology comes. My dd is very thick skinned And couldn't give a toss so it's a non issue for her.

Leeds

RTFT or even just the OP

@Leeds2 have just sent an email to teacher

I wouldn't expect the parents to come and apologise tbh if it's been dealt with by the school. How do you know the parents haven't punished dd friend?

I was similarly caught out with ipads but my dc were taking photos of each other naked (all boys). They all got rpimanded and a talk about appropriate sharing. Iv the camera locked down, as is face time and the internet is only allowed sites.

My dc school is delivering this programme
www.nspcc.org.uk/services-and-resources/working-with-schools/keeping-children-safe-in-northern-ireland/. It's amazing, covers internet usage from reception age(p1) up as well as staying safe. Wish they were doing it in all schools

Well OP all I can say after stewing over a few situations over the years is I have concluded that we would have a sad & chaotic world if nobody considered the feelings of others ever & sometimes we need apologies to move on which I did once say to ex-SIL LOL(she had no answer which was rare for her)!

Agree with fluffy. Technology does have to be very closely monitored- some horrible sites & people out there. We have to keep a step ahead.